


We Who Wait

by wolfenboy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: All the swears, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Good boy Liam, Leather Jackets, M/M, Multi, Pink hair, Punk Rock AU, Slow Burn, Softness, anger issues, church stuff, no supernatural, preacher son liam, punk Theo, queer times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfenboy/pseuds/wolfenboy
Summary: Liam is the son of a local preacher struggling to get good grades, to fit in, to live up to his father's expectations. Every spare moment is spent at the church or school, much to his best friend's annoyance. So when Mason drags Liam out to an underground all-ages punk rock show he's thrown into a world that frightens and excites him. Especially when he meets Theo, the pink haired, in-everyones-face vocalist that gives no fucks and causes trouble where ever he can. And he has a close eye on the preacher's son.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Where did this come from? Who knows. Where is it going? To crazy places. What do I know about punk? Literally like a dozen songs and a few bands. What do I know about church? More than I'd like to. 
> 
> Finally, what do I know about thiam? Well, let's find out! :D
> 
> And special thanks to some sort of marauder sour wolfff for listening to me rant and rave and stress. The pink hair was never in doubt though. Know that deep in your heart.

‘You’re going.’ Mason said, staring Liam dead in the eyes. They were leaving the school and swinging by the back to grab Corey.

‘I’m not going.’ Liam said without missing a beat.

‘Yes, you are.’ Mason said.

‘I have homework.’

‘A two page leaflet from chem. You’re going.’

‘I have chores too.’ Liam said. ‘And today is… I have to go to the flower store.’

‘Fine.’ Mason let it drop. Liam knew that if it were any other day they’d be arguing until they crossed the bridge and went up their respective streets. Mason never won. It was never going to happen. They were best friends but Mason had to work extra hard to overcome the shadow that Liam lived in. He was, after all, a preacher’s son, and held up to a level of scrutiny that most teenagers wouldn’t be able to endure. On top of academic excellence (not Liam’s strong suite), he was expected to set a strong moral example for his peers. Plus help out with Sunday school, youth group, and run the bible study circle. Mason’s constant attempts to get him to make time for a social life were annoying. But appreciated.

Liam fished his key out of his pocket only to find the door was unlocked. That meant his dad was home. He opened the door quietly before kicking off his shoes and placing them neatly beside the stairs.

‘Liam?’

‘I’m home.’ 

‘Come here.’

Liam set his book bag down and went to the kitchen. His dad was sitting at the table, papers and notes strewn everywhere. A thick, dog-eared bible sitting in front of him. His glasses were perched on the tip of his nose.

‘How was school?’

‘Good.’

‘Homework?’ His dad asked, sipping a mug of warm coffee.

‘Lots.’ Liam said.

‘No time to drop by the church and help with the social this evening I’m guessing.’ He could feel his dad’s eyes studying him. Weighing him. Liam swallowed. He didn’t have much room for himself—every spare minute went to studying or church. He wasn’t even able to join a sport. But today he just wanted to go to the flower shop like he did the first Tuesday of every month. It wasn’t really a lie. Or a very big one. And it was for a good reason.

‘Probably not.’ Liam muttered.

His dad made a disapproving noise before closing up his bible.

‘How’s the sermon coming?’

‘Challenging. But I’ll think on it. The Lord will reveal his lessons when the time is right.’

Liam nodded. He grabbed his book bag and stacked his textbooks on the table. After all his note books were pulled out he set to work on his chemistry assignment. He was just finishing up when his dad gave him a brief nod and headed out the door. Liam waited until he heard the car leave. Then he waited some more. Sometimes his dad would forget something and double back. After fifteen minutes Liam packed up his books and ran upstairs to change.

He peeled out of his bland polo and put on a faded graphic tee that his dad would never let him leave the house in. He looked in the mirror and used his hand to mess up his perfectly combed hair, staring at the wild look for a second before taming it back down with his fingers—he didn’t need to look like he’d been sticking his head out the car window for ten miles.

Liam grabbed his bike from the garage and ducked outside. If his dad saw him it wouldn’t be so bad—finishing homework early wasn’t a crime. It was a good thing. Except he’d be expected to head directly to the church and help out making triangle-shaped cucumber sandwiches for old ladies that smelled like too much perfume (and liked to pinch his cheeks and arms). Not how he wanted to spend his afternoon.

He was careful to take the back way, across the middle of the suburbs. A few streets over and he’d be literally across the tracks, but along the backroads at least he could be sure no one from his church would see him and rat him out to his dad. Well, no one ever did that really. But a few times someone had mentioned seeing him in places his dad didn’t approve of and that led to a full evangelical interrogation. It was hard enough keeping his chin above water in physics and biology—he didn’t need the hammer coming down on him again. Not like when he was twelve. That had been a dark year.

Liam cut across main street to one of the quieter side streets. He stashed his bike around the corner, taking his helmet and tucking it under his arm. He made sure to push his bike behind the dumpster so people couldn’t see it from the street. One day he’d save up for a lock to keep it safe, but for now this worked pretty well.

The flower shop was cozy. Liam had been coming here for several years now, but he never learned the owner’s name beyond Shelia. Since it was in bold, purple letters on the window. He poked his head in. The usual sound of the bell that chimed was missing. He looked up to find it missing.

‘Oh, hi.’ Shelia beamed, wiping the dirt of her hands with a cloth. ‘I was just potting out back. Oh don’t worry, our new hire took it down to replace it.’ She said, following his eyes to the empty bell arm.

‘The usual?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’ Liam said.

‘Every time you come in here I tell you not to call me ma’am. And you still do it.’ She said, picking his arrangement of flowers.

‘Sorry, Ma’am.’ Liam smiled.

She looked at him and made a noise with her tongue, ‘Cheeky creature. Here you go.’

Liam dipped his hand into his pocket. He frowned, then checked the other pocket. It was then he knew his wallet was in his khaki’s he wore to school—left behind when he slipped on his jeans.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ She said, catching onto his predicament, ‘You can pay next month when you’re in again.’

‘Thanks.’ He said, taking the flowers. ‘Ma’am.’

‘Git.’ She swatted in his direction. He smiled and ducked out the door back to the street. When he got back to the dumpster his bike was gone. He peered down the alley—nothing. Liam sighed. The only way someone would know his bike was there was if they were watching him stash it. Or if they were tossing the trash out and saw it. But it clearly wasn’t garbage. Maybe he was being punished for not helping out at the church social. Still, there was nothing to be done. He’d go the rest of the way on foot.

###

It took an extra twenty minutes to get to the cemetery. He walked in past the iron gates, to the back in the shade of the oak tree where his grandmother’s headstone was. Liam bent down to clear away the remains of the old flowers and place the new ones. His grandmother loved daffodils and tulips and daisies. It made for a very odd looking arrangement of flowers, but still, it was something Liam liked to do. The divorce had been tough on everyone, Liam especially. He only got to visit his mother in the city once a year at Christmas. His grandmother had been his only friend through that time. When she passed away Liam knew that his dad was secretly happy. She was a thorn in everyone’s side—never taking anything sitting down. Always calling people out on their bullshit. Now she was gone, but Liam still liked to visit at least once a month.

He leaned against the tree, pulling out a sucker and sticking it in his mouth.

‘Old lady Helga died last week. She choked on one of those ribbon candies you used to hate.’ Liam said. ‘Maybe you know that already. Maybe she’s visiting you now.’

Liam chuckled. ‘I still remember the look on her face when you yelled at her for spanking me.’

He rolled the sucker around in his mouth for a minute.

‘Dad’s the same as usual. He gives me these looks, though. Like he’s trying to undo me. Get in my head. Or something. I mean, I study my butt off to make good grades. I volunteer every day of the week. I don’t know what else he wants.’ Liam swallowed. Except it wasn’t true. He knew what his dad suspected. Five years without a girlfriend was starting to be stacked against him. His dad never said anything, but the look in his eyes told Liam the question was there, waiting to be asked if the situation changed enough.

‘None of his business anyway.’ Liam said. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to be like that. It was a choice to be with someone, so Liam would just be alone. He was fine alone. He didn’t need all of that love stuff in his life anyway. It always seemed to complicate things. Like with Mason. He’d been going out with some girl for months now but he spent most of his time with Corey instead. How did that even work? Liam was happier being on his own. At least this way he was safe…

He looked at the sucker—grape. Half of it was worn into a thin wafer, lighting up with the faint sunlight. A rumble caught Liam’s attention. He looked up The sunlight was faint for a reason—grey clouds had creeped in without him noticing.

‘No, no, no!’ He said, scrambling to his feet as the rain started. Liam halted in his steps and spun around, kissing his fingers before pressing them to the headstone. Goodbyes finished, he bolted down the hill. This was definitely punishment. God was watching. God was not impressed.

###

By the time he’d walked home he was soaked three times over. There were three other cars parked in the driveway. Liam sighed. There was no way he’d get around this so he might as well march right into it.

Voices in the living room stopped as soon as he closed the door. His dad was standing, arms crossed and glasses in one hand. A stern look on his face. On the couch sat Miles, the deacon, and Ms. Sherman, the secretary of the church. Both of them smiled when they saw Liam.

‘Coming down pretty fierce.’ Miles said. ‘You look like a drowned rat.’

Liam forced a smile. Miles did like to joke. One look at his dad’s face told him the only reason he was being spared a lecture was because of whatever urgent church matter they were discussing took precedent. A single raised eyebrow let him know he wasn’t off the hook.

‘Well what are we going to do about it?’ Ms. Sherman asked.

Pastor Dunbar sighed and pinched his nose.

‘Liam, go dry off. And try not to drip on everything on the way.’

Liam turned, exhaling. He barely escaped. Maybe his luck was turning around finally.

After a hot shower and some dry clothes, Liam felt better. He could hear the deacon’s wife and several other congregation members bustling downstairs. The “inner circle”. Something big must be happening if they were all sticking around. And from the smell of it, making dinner.

Liam was surprised when the doorbell rang and no one rose to get it. He softly made his way down the stairs as his dad opened the door on the third ring, revealing Mason dressed in freshly pressed pants and a sweater vest.

‘Pastor Dunbar, hi.’

‘Mason.’ The pastor gave a curious look. Mason didn’t flinch. Instead he smiled and waited, ‘Can I help you?’

‘I’m here for Liam.’ Mason said.

‘Liam..’ The pastor glanced up the stairs. Liam froze—he didn’t remember making any plans with Mason. Actually, he remembered specifically NOT making plans with Mason.

‘Oh he must have forgot to tell you. Me and some other youth group members were going bowling and we need Liam to come to make the teams even.’ Mason said.

The pastor frowned, looking over Mason’s shoulder at the car full of teenagers—all dressed in nice, neat clothes. They smiled and gave a wave at the house. The pastor leaned back on his heels, then looked back up at Liam.

‘Alright. But I want you back by ten.’ 

‘Twelve?’ Mason beamed.

The pastor frowned. ‘Eleven. Straight to the bowling alley and then straight back here. Got it?’

‘Yessir.’ Mason said, looking up the stairs at his friend.

‘Umm, I guess I’ll go change?’ Liam said.

‘That’s fine.’ Mason said, ‘We’re only going bowling.’

Liam nodded, making his way to the bottom of the stairs. As his dad turned away he shot a look at Mason—what the heck? Mason winked as he pastor turned around, opening his wallet.

‘Ten?’ He asked.

‘It’s cosmic bowling tonight. Fifteen.’ Mason said. The pastor sighed and pulled out two twenties and passed them to Liam.

‘If there’s any trouble call me from the bowling alley.’ He said.

‘It would be easier if I had a cell phone.’ Liam said. The look on his dad’s face told him now was not the time. Instead he ducked his head and nodded, tucking the money into his pocket. He watched his dad go back into the kitchen where hushed whispers filled the air. Liam made a mental note to find out what exactly was the cause of his dad being so lax was later. For now he followed Mason outside, into whatever scheme his friend had cooked up.

###

‘Liam this is Kira, Scott, Nolan, and Danny.’ Mason said as he got into the car.

'Kira, as in your girlfriend Kira?' Liam asked. Kira rolled her eyes.

‘Hey Liam.’ Corey turned from the passenger seat.

‘Hi.’ Liam felt himself blush. He wasn’t good with strangers. He recognized them from school but he wasn’t friendly with any of them, and he didn’t know any of their names, except Nolan who sat in front of him in history class.

‘Shove over.’ Scott hissed.

‘You shove over!’ Danny said, yanking at the tie around his neck, ‘This thing is killing me!’

‘Keep it on!’ Mason whispered.

‘Get in.’ He looked at Liam. The boy frowned.

‘There’s no place to sit.’

‘You don’t sit, you drape.’ Scott said, waving at their collective laps.

‘Are you for real?’ Liam asked, turning to Mason, ‘Is he for real?’

‘Ohmygod Liam, I just sprung you from Alcatraz—get in and let’s get out of here!’ Mason said, starting the car.

Liam balked as Scott grabbed him, pulling him into the car to rest on their laps. Kira pulled the door shut with a bang and they took off. The chatter started immediately as Liam was jostled around in the backseat. He started to feel very anxious until he felt Scott poke him in the ribs.

‘Need a seat belt?’

‘Yes, please.’ Liam said.

‘This kid is a hoot.’ Scott smiled. He extended his arms, wrapping them around Liam’s legs to keep him braced. The others saw and followed suite, holding Liam down when the rocking of the car was its worst. Liam stared out the window, listening to the idle chatter as Nolan and Danny fought over some video game, and Kira gushed about a new band she was obsessed with. It was a strange place to be.

Liam caught sight of the bowling alley sign as they passed it, frowning.

‘We just went past the bowling alley.’ The car went quiet. Nolan struggled to hold in a squeak of laughter. Liam looked up at the faces of everyone in the backseat. They were all beaming down at him.

‘Am I being kidnapped?’ Liam asked.

‘It’s for your own good.’ Mason said.

‘Mason… where are you taking me?’

‘Chill out, it’s nothing crazy. Kind of. Mostly.’

‘What does kind of, mostly not crazy mean?’

‘You’ll see. We’re almost there.’ Mason said, turning onto a dirt road. Liam could hear the gravel crunching under the tires of the car. Scott and the others were talking in hushed whispers now—excitement palpable in their voices.

Liam was happy when they pulled into an overgrown parking lot so he could finally stand up and work the stiffness in his legs. He scanned the area—industrial part of town near the abandoned rail station. Actually, it was the abandoned rail station. Liam was surprised to see so many teens and young people milling about and parking, heading to the old building. He was more surprised when Danny stripped off his shirt, revealing a ratty black tee and torn jeans. Scott was next, then Nolan and Kira. All of them threw their prim and proper clothes into the back of the car before stretching.

Liam yelped as Kira grabbed the edge of his shirt. She smiled at him.

‘Relax, you’re not even close to my type. But you can’t go in there like this.’ He stiffened and let her strip off his shirt. Scott tossed him a plain tee and a pair of ratty jeans. Liam barely caught them and Mason looked down at his shoes.

‘Not too much we can do about that.’

‘Mason, what the heck?!’

‘Hurry up! Show’s starting!’ Danny urged. Liam fumbled to pull on the change of clothes, looking around uncomfortably as his friend dragged him to the entrance. Everything was happening so fast. Before Liam could react he was pressing a twenty into the bouncer’s hand and getting a stamp on his wrist. As soon as they got inside the temperature went up by forty degrees and Liam felt himself start to sweat. The wide room was packed with people—a makeshift stage had been made of pallets and crates. Huge speakers sat on the edge, and several people were huddled around the drums. A band, Liam guessed.

‘What is this?’ He shouted to Mason. His friend turned to him, making a face that told Liam he didn’t hear.

‘What is this place? What’s going on?’ Liam yelled again, trying to be heard over a loud chorus of excited voices as warm up chords were played.

‘It’s a show!’ Mason yelled.

‘What kind of show?’

Mason’s grin was huge. ‘Punk!’

‘What?’

‘It’s fucking PUNK!’ A random girl screamed, eyes bright as the band started playing. Liam was jostled as everyone moved to get a better spot. He caught sight of Mason.

‘If anything happens meet at the car!’ 

‘Mason!’ Liam grabbed for his friend but Mason was lost to the horde of people moving to the music. Liam pulled his arms in. Someone in front of him moved back suddenly, nearly knocking him down. He recoiled just in time, but someone behind him slammed into him with the same amount of force. His yells of protest and polite flailing were lost in the crowed.

‘Excuse me!’ Liam shouted. A lanky teenager with long hair turned to him, making a space. Liam shot him a thankful smile as he made his escape. Except it wasn’t escape. He was propelled closer to the stage, to the center of attention. The music pounded in his ears, following no pattern he could find. This was no church choir. The rawness of the vocals caught onto something deep inside. It was like a well dredging up all of the rage and sadness he’d been keeping inside. Suddenly he felt like he was starting to get the appeal of the crashing noise—the strife and boom of the drums. The lashing of the guitar and the scathing vocals.

It was like there was a part of him that had been sleeping that was waking up with every note, every scream that shattered the air. And it liked what it was hearing. Liam started to moved with the music, as much as he could with the little room he had. He couldn’t make out any of the lyrics, but he definitely liked the energy that was behind them. The voice was raw. Powerful. Striking out with its own force. Unruled and untamed.

The crowd shifted it was like a deep secret unfolding in front of his eyes—the band, roaring and crashing into each other, feeding of the frenzy of the crowed before them. Liam felt his heart pounding as the singer turned to face him—green eyes blazing. 

He was young, wearing a beat up leather jacket covered in patches, pins, and spikes. Pink hair cut close on one side made him stand out. Liam felt his mouth go dry as he made eye contact. It was like the singer was reaching inside of him and tearing out all of the secrets and hidden things that Liam had worked so hard to suppress. All of his effort, all of the lies he told himself over and over, all of it shattered in a single instant, with a single look.

The singer threw his hear back and roared into the air, joined by a chorus of screams and screeches from the room. He grabbed the microphone and paced the stage like a beast in black leather, teeth flashing in the lights of the stage. The tall guitarist gave a cocky smirk and leaned against the singer—hip to hip. Nearly grinding on each other, making the crowd roar and cheer. The wild woman on the drums tore into her instrument with primal ferocity. Another tall blond boy in a leather vest leaned into his bass like a shield, ignoring the singer’s hands and body even when he was screaming an inch away from his face.

Liam could feel the anger and ferocity radiating from the singer as he dug into the vocals and tore them to shreds, leaving something in Liam wanting more. The bare chest beneath the leather jacket was covered in a fine sheen of sweat as the singer thundered from one side of the stage to the other. He paused in the middle, catching Liam’s eyes again without hesitation or searching. Like he’d taken note of where Liam was and made an effort to come back to him. Like he actually saw Liam—picked him out from all the other faces in the room. All the other bodies.

Liam’s moments slowed as the singer’s lips pressed together in a sly smile—the corner of his mouth turned up slightly like he knew what Liam was thinking at that exact moment.

Everything came to an abrupt halt when an elbow connected with Liam’s nose, sending him flat to the floor. 

The last thing Liam remembered before he blacked out was the pink haired singer moving people aside to get to him. 

The last thing Liam thought was what it would feel like to kiss those lips.

###


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is more of this mess. Also did I mention slow burn? Because I feel like I should. I'll say it again: SLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN. Like, slow. So slow. So soft! 
> 
> As usual, sorry for any spelling mistakes. I literally just finished this so I'm sure there are some big problems with letters and words.

‘You alright there, Killer?’ The voice was all rasp and gravel. Dark and rumbling.

Liam blinked and tried to focus his eyes—everything was kind of blurry.

‘Here.’ Someone handed him something cold. He couldn’t decide which part of his head hurt the most so he applied the cold thing directly to his face. From beneath it he heard several soft chuckles.

‘What happened?’ Liam moaned, head still reeling. His nose felt wet.

‘You got clocked because you weren’t paying attention.’ Came an accusatory voice. Liam waved it off.

‘I saw. I saw him. He was right there.’ Liam muttered. After a quiet pause and some shuffling, someone spoke again. Liam was having trouble tracking how many people were around him. How many people did they come with anyway?

‘Saw who?’

‘Pink hair. Soft lips. Looked like a wild animal.’ Liam sighed. Another round of chuckles followed.

‘Here.’ The raspy voice said, taking away the cold thing and pressing a bandana to Liam’s nose, ‘You’re messing up the place.’

Liam blinked the world back into focus. It wasn’t Mason and his friends gathered around him on the pavement outside (never mind how he even got there) but it was Pink Hair and the rest of his band. Liam panicked and tried to spring backwards, managing to ram the back of his head into the brink wall behind him.

‘Ouch.’ The tall blond to the left said, amusement dancing in his eyes.

‘Smooth moves, ace.’ The lanky one with tired eyes sneered at him. Liam glared, rubbing the back of his head.

‘I’m Theo.’ Pink Hair said, pointing to the other people around him, ‘The tall drink of water here is Isaac. The asshole with a mouth is Brett, and the one giving the tattoo over there is Malia. The one getting the tattoo is Jackson.’

‘I… I’m… I just…’ Liam knew his mouth was gaping.

‘You okay?’

‘Buh… uhh…’ Liam blinked.

‘That’s not much of a name. I’m just gonna go with Killer.’ Theo beamed. Liam caught sight of several tattoos on the boy’s neck. His eyes flicked down to Theo’s fingers—extended and waiting to take back the bandana. There were tattoos there, too.

‘I’m uhh, thanks.’

‘Hi Thanks!’ Isaac smiled.

‘Liam. I mean. My name is Liam. And thanks.’ He said, feeling his cheeks burn hot, ‘Even if it was your fault.’

‘Oooooooooh!’ Isaac, Brett, and Jackson all looked at each other as Liam straightened his posture. It was hard to look tough sitting in a wet parking lot, bleeding from his face.

Malia made a face and grabbed Jackson’s arm, pulling it close and resuming her work. Theo clicked his tongue against his teeth. He grabbed his belt and tilted back on the heels of his heavy leather boots before rocking forward, fixing his gaze on Liam.

‘You’re a little shit disturber, aren’t you?’

‘No.’ Liam looked away. Theo kicked the bottom of Liam’s shoes.

‘First time here?’

Liam glanced up. He thought about lying. He thought about making up some elaborate story, but when he realized he had literally been dragged out there and had no idea what any of this was, the idea quickly died.

‘Yes.’

‘Cool.’ Theo smirked, pushing a stray lock of pink hair back from his face.

‘Liam!’ Mason’s panicked face widened in horror as he finally found his friend surrounded by the one band they’d piled into the car to come see.

‘Oh my god.’ Mason said as Corey, Kira, Scott nearly ran into him as they came around the corner. Nolan and Danny were arguing as usual when they came to a slow stop, catching the strange vibe in the air. Theo glanced up at Scott, then looked away, ignoring him.

‘Umm, hey.’ Liam said. He struggled to get to his feet. Theo leaned down, helping him up. Liam felt the other boy’s fingers coil around his bicep, supporting him. The blush on his cheeks intensified.

‘Mason this is Theo—‘

‘Dude. Dude! I KNOW who he is. Fuck.’ Mason said, ‘Sorry. He’s… he’s new. I’ll take him.’

Theo smiled and leaned back, watching Mason grab hold of Liam and guide him back to the rest of the group. Liam froze—he wasn’t sure why, but it felt like there was something here that he needed to say or do. Mason tugged at him. Theo folded his arms—the same sly smile from the stage was spreading across his face.

‘I really like your music.’ Liam managed to stammer. Theo’s grin bloomed into a full blown smile. Brett rolled his eyes.

The back door swung open, metal clattering against the brick. A skinny women with messy brown hair poked her head out. ‘On in five.’

‘Well gents, that’s us.’ Isaac said, tipping an imaginary hat and blowing a kiss in Scott’s direction. Scott blinked, grabbing Danny’s hand tight.

‘Ow, dude.’ Danny hissed.

The rest of the band pushed past, heading into the building. Brett was last. He hovered in the doorway before flipping Liam off and wagging his tongue. Liam frowned. He didn’t like that one very much.

After the door slammed shut and the faint sound of punk ripped through the air inside Mason let out a huge breath.

‘I saw you go down. I thought you were dead!’ 

‘I tried to find you but you disappeared!’ Liam said.

‘Corey and I were—‘ Mason trailed off, ‘Whatever. You shouldn’t get that close to the stage, dude. There’s a reason it’s called the splatter zone.’

‘This wasn’t my idea!’ Liam yelled. ‘I was just going to go home and go to bed.’

‘And then what? Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next!’ Mason yelled. He calmed slightly when Corey laid his hand on Mason’s shoulder.

‘Liam, I know what happened sucked. But you can’t use it as an excuse not to have a life.’

‘I have a life.’ Liam said.

‘You know what I mean.’

Liam shrugged. Mason sighed.

‘Are you really okay?’

‘I think so.’ Liam said.

‘Dude you took that elbow to the face like a champ!’ Nolan grinned, slapping Liam’s back. The others chuckled. Liam blinked—Mason’s friends were weird.

‘I can’t believe we just met Chimera. And they talked to us.’ Kira said.

Scott snorted.

'What?' Kira asked.

‘You didn’t say a word.’ Scott said, grunting when Kira’s elbow found his ribs.

‘Okay, time to go.’ Corey said.

‘Thank god.’ Liam breathed.

‘You hated it that much?’ Mason asked as they walked back to the car.

‘No. I’m just tired.’

‘So you liked it.’ Mason said. Liam couldn’t hide the small grin on his face. He winced when his face started to hurt again.

‘Dude, we’re so coming back!’ Mason laughed.

They piled back into the car as best they could. It was only after driving for five minutes did Liam realize they were going in the wrong direction. When he told Mason his friend smirked. Liam groaned as the pot holes jostled him. Why couldn’t Nolan be the one on everyone’s laps this time?

‘Don’t worry, we’re just going to Terry’s.’ Scott said.

‘What’s Terry’s?’

‘Dude! Hot dogs. Pizza!’ Nolan bounced in his seat.

‘Oh.’ Liam said.

‘Oh?’ Nolan frowned. ‘OH?!’

‘Nolan really likes their food. I mean, REALLY likes it.’ Danny whispered into Liam’s ear. For the next ten minutes they were overwhelmed with Nolan’s poetic description of the menu at a hole-in-the-wall greasy pizza joint. Liam had to admit he was starting to get kind of hungry.

###

By the time they pulled up in front of the place Liam was starving. The building itself wasn’t that big—the back half of it looked like it has seen better days. Old vinyl siding was sliding off and discoloured, but the front of the building was brick and white-painted wood. Though the sign hanging over it looked a few decades old, faded yellow with orange letters, once bright red. Dozens of people were sitting at the picnic tables outside.

Liam scanned the crowed—it looked like groups from every social scene were at Terry’s waiting for a slice of pizza, or a hot dog, or ice-cream. He nearly fell on his face when Kira slid out from beneath him. Then Danny, then Nolan. Liam threw a glare at Scott. The boy tilted his head an grinned, helping Liam out of the car as he stood.

‘Thanks.’

‘No worries. Everyone’s just excited.’

‘For food?’

‘Dude, you’ve really never been here?’

‘No, I usually eat supper at home. Or at one of the church functions.’ Liam immediately regretted saying the words as they left his mouth. He was ready for the look of pity or confusion that followed. Or worse, Scott would think he was a freak.

‘Oh, well, you’re in for a treat!’ Scott clapped him on the shoulders. Liam blinked, letting himself be led into the restaurant (if it could really be called that). Mason’s friends were very strange. But good strange. Especially Scott, who seemed to go out of his way to help anyone he met without a second thought.

‘And you?’ Liam blinked into the face of a moustached man wearing an apron. He held a tiny pencil and pad of paper, waiting. Liam realized he’d been so caught up in his thoughts they’d gotten to the counter inside. He glanced up at the prices on the wall—nothing too expensive, but he’d used all his cash on buying the flowers that morning. Before he could say anything Scott leaned forward.

‘He’ll have a large chilli fries, a chilli dog, a— What do you like chocolate?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘—A chocolate milkshake. And a TPB.’ Scott slapped a few bills on the counter.

‘Thanks.’ Liam felt his stupid blush betraying him.

‘No prob. Figured you could use it. After the elbow. And the thrashing. And the “surprise you’re being dragged to an underground punk show”.’ Scott said.

Liam hesitated. He had a bad feeling, but he didn’t want to be rude. Scott picked up on it immediately as if he were some kind of loyal dog in tune with his companion’s emotions.

‘What?’ He asked.

‘I just… I have a question, but I don’t want to be rude.’ Liam said.

‘That’s cool—be rude! I can take it.’ Scott smiled.

‘Did he tell you to be nice to me?’ Liam asked.

‘Mason?’ Scott said, looking over his shoulder. Mason and Corey sat close together, whispering. Kira munched on a huge basket of onion rings next to Nolan and Danny who were trying to out-eat each other.

‘All he said was you needed a night out. And you dad was kind of Mister Stepford Wife. Which I still don’t understand.’ Scott frowned in confusion.

Liam nodded. Mason had good intentions, always. But sometimes he went above and beyond. Liam knew it was just his best friend’s protective nature, but it got overwhelming sometimes and Liam didn’t know how to deal with all of the emotions that were running through him on the bet of days, except to push them all down. Even after everything that had happened his dad refused to let him speak to a therapist or counsellor. And for Liam, scripture hadn’t been a soothing balm since his mom left over ten years ago.

‘I like you, Liam.’ Scott nodded to himself. ‘I think I’ll adopt you.’

‘You’re like, two years older than me.’

‘Only in measurements of time.’ Scott winked and ran to grab their food. Liam opened his mouth, a frown slowly forming as he tried to figure out what that even meant.

The food looked suspicious. Liam eyed it as everyone else dug in. He reached out and pulled loose a chilli fry. It was thick and golden—covered in lots of chilli and cheese with sour cream off to the side. Liam took a careful bite.

‘Liam. Liam!’ Mason said. Liam was frozen to the spot. He scarfed down the rest of his fry before digging into the mountain of food in front of him. Mason chuckled—it was good to see Liam acting like a normal teenager for once.

‘Ohmygawdtessisgud!’ Liam beamed at Mason, who frowned, ready to tell his friend to slow down a bit when Corey rested a hand on his shoulder. 

‘He’s lost to Terry’s now. Let him go.’ Corey shook his head, making Mason chuckle.

‘Wass dis?’ Liam pointed at a gooey, cheese-smothered sandwich full of juicy meatballs.

‘That,’ Scott said, pushing the plate towards Liam, ‘Is a TPB. Terry’s Po’boy. Or at least his take on it. It’s more like a po’boy, meatball sandwich love child covered in different kinds of cheese I can’t even begin to pronounce.’

Liam picked it. His mouth was watering, even after all the chilli fries he’d downed. He bit into the sandwich and everything else faded away. When he opened his eyes most of it was gone. The rest of the table was snickering.

‘What?’

Mason held up his phone, showing Liam a picture of his face in rapture as he slowly ate the sandwich. Liam ducked his head.

‘No.’ Nolan said, slamming his hand on the table. ‘Never be ashamed!’

‘No shame!’ Kira screamed.

‘No shame! No shame! No shame! No shame!’ The table chanted until Liam burst out into laughter. The rest of the people nearby shook their heads and went back to eating.

As Liam polished off his milkshake he noticed something odd.

‘Hey,’ He said to Mason, ‘Why aren’t you sitting with Kira?’

‘Uhhh…’ Mason trailed off, looking at Corey. The boy signed and picked at his fries.

‘We’re fighting.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘Oh.’ Liam blinked.

‘It’s pretty bad. We might break up.’

‘What?’ Mason leaned in, hissing, ‘Kira!’

The girl rolled her eyes and put her phone away.

‘You need to lean to take a joke.’ She said, grabbing Mason’s hand from several sets away and holding it tight before making exaggerated doe eyes at Liam.

‘See we’re just as in love as when we first started dating.’ She blew Mason a kiss. Now it was his turn to blush.

Liam tilted his head—relationships were weird.

‘Anyway—the show. The band. Chimera. Dish it.’ Danny said with a smirk.

‘Nothing to dish!’ Nolan said, ‘Hands down Brett is the best.’

‘Oh please,’ Kira waved him away, ‘The girl on drums is clearly the whole heart and soul of the band.’

‘You’re biased because you’re—‘ Kira shot daggers at Nolan, who faltered then rubbed his arms. ‘Because you play drums.’

‘You play drums? That’s cool.’ Liam said, he didn’t know anyone that played any instruments outside of the organ at church.

‘Yeah. I’m like, a prodigy.’ Kira said. Nolan gave her a questioning look. She shrugged and chuckled.

‘What about you, Liam? Who’s your favourite?’

‘My favourite?’ Liam felt his heart speed up.

‘Yeah, we all have favourite band members. Except Danny. His fav changes every week depending on what dude is shirtless.’ Scott laughed as Danny made a face at him.

Liam shifted in his seat. Was Scott saying Danny was gay? Did they think he was gay? No, that was crazy. He didn’t say anything or do anything that would give away the things he felt inside. His most private thoughts. He was being crazy again. Thinking too much.

‘Liam?’

‘Oh. I guess, the guy with pink hair.’ Liam said. ‘Theo.’

The table groaned.

‘Pay up.’ Scott said. The rest of the table started to push bills into Scott’s hand.

‘What? What’s happening?’ Liam asked.

‘We had a bet who you’d like the most. EVERYONE picks Theo at first.’ Scott said, ‘At least that was my wager.’

‘Until you realize he’s a fucking douche.’ Nolan muttered. Liam saw Danny rub the teenager’s back, trying to comfort him. From the fast shift in atmosphere at the table, Liam got the impression not to ask any questions. Even though he wanted to. From what he saw Theo was kind, and talented, and helpful, and funny. Maybe a bit cocky. Certainly beautiful. 

‘Liam’s blushing.’ Corey smiled.

‘So?’ Liam folded his arms. ‘I was thinking… about a girl.’

‘What girl?’ Mason smiled.

‘You don’t know her.’ Liam said.

‘I call bullshit.’ Nolan said.

‘Her name is uh, Hayden.’ Liam said, ‘She goes to my church.’

‘What? Dude, Hayden is in my bio class. I can totally work my charms and try to get you a date!’ Mason said.

‘Huh?’ Liam blinked, ‘Oh! No. I mean, that would be… weird.’

‘Sure. Weird.’ Mason said, leaning back and winking at his friend. Liam had the distinct feeling that Mason was ignoring what he said. Or he just didn’t understand.

‘Anyway,’ Scott said, counting his money, ‘I was right about Liam so logic says I must be right about Isaac being the best member of the band.’

‘Logic? How about this for logic—Isaac is like a watered down version of Jackson.’ Danny said.

Scott raised an eyebrow. ‘You know Jackson doesn’t even play any more, even if he hangs with them.’

‘That’s Theo’s fault.’ Danny said. Liam was starting to think that most of the people around the table weren’t so keen on the vocalist of the band they seemed to love so much. Which was kind of strange, Liam thought. Or maybe it wasn’t. The only songs he knew were hymns or old country music, that basically sounded like hymns with car references tossed in.

Liam jumped when he turned his head to see Nolan staring at him, eyes wide with a ridiculous puppy dog look on his face.

‘He wants the rest of your food.’ Scott said.

‘Oh. Here.’ Liam passed it over. Nolan started to dig into it like he hadn’t already polished off too chilli dogs and half of Kira’s fries.

‘Great. You fed him. Now he’ll follow you around for life.’ Danny said. ‘When I first met Nolan I gave him half of a doughnut. Haven’t been able to escape since.’

‘Ewwluffmee’ Nolan said with a very full mouth. The rest of the table laughed as Mason swatted at him for spraying food all over the place.

‘You are so gross.’ Mason shook his head.

Nolan made a face, pulling something out his mouth.

‘Is there anything worse than finding a bit of onion skin in your chilli fries?’

‘Destruction of the rain forest?’ Danny said.

‘Corporate greed?’ Corey added.

‘Genocide and colonization of Indigenous people of the Americas?’ Scott said.

‘All valid points. I am humbled. And I hate you all.’ Nolan said, tossing the onion skin at Scott who laughed and batted it away.

‘Hey, didn’t we tell Supreme Leader we’d have Kylo back at eleven?’ Danny sipped on his soda.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, it’s ten thirty.’

‘Shit!’ Mason said, scrambling. He glanced at Corey. ‘I can’t… Umm, Scott, can you take Liam home? I’m gonna walk to Corey’s and crash at his place.’

‘What? What about everyone else?’ Liam asked.

‘We all live like ten minutes walk from here. No biggie.’ Nolan said.

‘Speak for yourself.’ Kira said.

‘What… Mason?’

‘Dude, you got to get home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow in gym class, okay?’

‘Alright.’ Liam said. He waved as everyone else took off down the street in a group, talking about the show and who knows what else.

‘Ready?’ Scott asked.

###

The drive home was quiet. Scott frowned when he turned on the radio and folk music filled the car. Liam watched as the boy’s tongue stuck out from the side of his mouth in concentration until he found a rock station.

‘Passable.’ Scott shrugged, taking a turn.

‘You had a good time, yeah?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah. I mean. I don’t get out a lot. Or like, ever.’ Liam said, ‘My dad is kind of… he expects a lot from me. It’s a lot of work not to let him down.’

‘What about you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, what do you expect from yourself?’

Liam frowned. He’d never thought of that before. He just went wherever he was told. Did what he was supposed to do. What else was there?

‘I dunno.’

‘Well, that might be something you want to figure out.’ Scott chuckled. ‘You’re done school in what, a year?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Then what?’

‘I dunno. Go to school. Become a pastor.’

‘Is that what you want to do?’

Liam looked out the window. His head was starting to hurt again.

‘Oh shit!’ Scott said, ‘We gotta change or your dad’ll freak!’

He pulled the car over to the side of the road in an empty lot. Liam stepped out into the night. The air was chilly. Grey clouds filled the sky.

‘Here.’ Scott handed him his clothes before started to change into his formal ones. Liam caught sight of a faint scar, the shape of a crescent moon on Scott’s side.

‘What’s that from?’

Scott turned, looking at the scar. ‘Oh, dog bit me when I was fifteen. Look pretty wicked, huh?’

Liam nodded. He waited until Scott’s back was turned before pulling his clothes on. When he was done he handed them back to the older boy.

‘I’ll leave these in Mason’s trunk. For the next time we sneak you out.’

‘I don’t…I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’ Liam said.

‘Why not? You had fun. We like you. Was it too loud?’ Scott asked.

‘You didn’t like Chimera? There are other bands, too!’

‘No! It was… it was perfect.’ Liam said. ‘I’m just worried…’

‘About your dad. That’s fine. Let us handle him.’

Liam shifted his weight. Scott grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.

‘Trust me, Killer.’

‘You heard him call me that?’ Liam blushed.

‘Good ears.’ Scott winked.

The rest of the drive was quiet. They pulled up seven minutes early.

‘So, you gonna come next week?’

‘I’ll think about it.’ Liam said.

‘Cool.’ Scott nodded. He spotted Liam’s dad come to the door and gave a quick wave.

‘Thanks. For everything.’ Liam said before stepping out of the car. As he talked to the front door, Scott drove off.

‘Where are the rest of your friends?’ He dad asked as he stepped aside to let Liam inside.

‘Oh, Scott drove them home first. He’s the oldest so he’s more responsible.’ Liam said. Which made no sense to him, but he knew it was something his dad would accept without question. And questions were the last thing Liam needed now.

‘What happened to your face?’ Calloused hands were gripping him by the cheek. A hot spike of anger shot through them, then fizzled out as quickly as it formed. He let his dad tilt his head around as if he were an animal to be inspected.

‘We went over a bump. The pot hole on Willow Street. I hit my head on the back of the seat in front of me.’

His dad made a noise and let him go.

‘Well put and ice pack on it before you go to bed. Pain killers are in the medicine cabinet if you need them.’

‘Where are you going?’ Liam asked.

‘There’s something I need to get from the church. I’ll be back after you’re asleep.’ He said as he pulled on his jacket.  
The door closed, leaving Liam alone in the house. The sound of the clock ticking in the living room seemed ten times louder than it normally was. 

‘Bye.’ Liam said. He went up the stairs and got ready for bed. As he pulled the blankets up he sighed, touching his lips. Sleep engulfed him, slowly lulling him to dream.

A small smile graced his lips as his eyes shut.

‘Theo.’

###


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any spelling mistakes or little grammar problems/writing snafus :|  
> I am just one person, wading through all these words!

‘Oh no. Oh jeez.’ Liam panted as he jogged. He clutched the straps of his book bag tight to keep it from jostling too much. There were ten minutes until the bell rang and there was no way he was going to make it on time. He’d forgotten his bike was stolen the day before, and the late night and greasy food had knocked him out cold. If he hadn’t heard his dad getting ready in the morning he would have slept for a few more hours. As a result he was sprinting down the sidewalk in sweltering heat. He couldn’t afford to be late. He couldn’t afford the school to call home for any reason. He’d barely gotten away with the excuse for a smashed face—if there hadn’t been something urgent at the church he was sure his dad would have forced the truth out of him.

Liam stopped, bending over to catch his breath. Sweat poured off his face. As he wiped it away a loud car horn honked from behind him. He turned, sure there was no reason anyone would be annoyed with him for stopping on the sidewalk.

‘Hey, Killer.’ Theo smirked at him from the passenger side window. ‘You need a ride?’

Liam’s cheeks were already flushed from running. Now he felt like he was lighting up like a Christmas tree. Theo was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves torn off. The muscles in his arms bulged--covered in tattoos and several scars.

‘I couldn’t—‘

‘No problem, we’re heading towards the school anyway.’ Theo said, slicking his bright pink hair back and moving so Liam could see one of his bandmates, Brett, behind the wheel. The tall boy was glaring at Liam with an intensity that would frighten small animals.

‘I’m good.’

‘Naw, hop in.’ Theo smiled. Liam hesitated, fingers twitching. It would get him there on time. And he really needed to stay out of trouble…

He opened the back door and slid in. As he reached for his seatbelt the car jerked forward. Liam caught himself before he slammed into the back of the seat. He shot a look at Brett. The boy had a mischievous smirk on his face as he pulled away from the curb. Before Liam could say anything Theo twisted around in his seat, peering over the headrest.

‘That’s some shiner you got going there, Killer.’

‘Most painful souvenir I ever got.’ Liam said. Theo burst out laughing.

‘I love this kid.’ He chuckled. Brett made a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a grunt. The car sped up.

‘So what’s your homeroom?’ Liam mumbled. Theo blinked at him before a slow smile spread across his face. He shared a mischievous look with Brett. Liam felt the sting of shame immediately. He’d made a fool out of himself somehow. Even if he didn’t understand what was wrong with the question he still felt stupid.

‘What?’ He shot back, feeling the old anger seep into his mood to drown the shame, ‘You too cool for school or something?’

‘Too cool for school? What are you like fifty, Dunbar?’ Brett needled.

‘I graduated.’ Theo said.

‘Dropped out.’

‘Dropped out, then got my GED.’ Theo rolled his eyes. ‘No one cares.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said. Theo was older. That made sense. The tattoos. The pink hair. The “fuck the world” attitude—those were things he could afford to do. Or maybe Theo was always like that, and Liam was just a coward.

No. This was the way it needed to be. Things worked. Things were okay.

‘I thought your friends would’ve told you.’ Theo said. His tone was gentle and there was a soft look on his face. Almost apologetic. It wasn’t much, but it set Liam at ease again.

‘You just assume that people go around talking about you all the time?’ Liam asked.

‘Fuck man, I got pink hair. They better be talkin’ about me!’ Theo said.

‘We’re here.’ Brett said. Theo grabbed a small duffel bag from between his feet and reached for the door.

‘Thanks, Brett.’ Theo slammed the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. He turned, leaning into the open window beside Liam.

‘Nice seeing you again, Killer.’

Before Liam could respond, Brett tore off. Liam was distressed and confused.

‘He works nearby.’ Brett muttered, taking a sharp turn and nearly crashing Liam into the seat again. He shot a glare at Brett, who seemed to enjoy it. This was the second time he’d seen Brett in the past two days and the impression he made was not one of peace and friendship. Still, Liam couldn’t shake the familiar feeling he knew the other boy.

‘Here.’ Brett said, whipping the car into the parking lot. When he slammed on the brakes this time Liam did hit the seat in front of him, wincing when the sore side of his face made contact with the leather. Brett snickered. The feeling of familiarity Liam had was eclipsed by annoyance. Brett was a dick.

‘Get out.’ He said. Liam didn’t bother to say anything back. Instead he grabbed his book bag and hopped out of the car. He slammed the door as hard as he could and stalked off to the school. At least he wasn’t late.

###

‘Dude!’ Mason laughed.

‘It’s not funny.’ Liam said. He unbuttoned his shirt and hung it in the small gym locker. It was days like this when he wished his dad would let him wear t-shirts to school instead of “setting a good example for the community” with a full button-up dress shirt.

‘It’s kinda…okay.’ Mason frowned, looking at Liam’s face.

‘Hey Mason— Whoa! Liam!’ Nolan stopped in his tracks.

‘Is it that bad?’ Liam asked.

‘Oh… ummm…’ Nolan stifled a laugh. Liam shot him a look.

‘It looks amazing!’ Nolan beamed. ‘Battle scars! You look so bad ass!’

‘Yeah well, Brett made it worse this morning.’ Liam said, pulling on his gym gear.

‘Wait, what?’ Mason asked.

‘My bike got stolen yesterday so I had to run to get here. And then Brett gave me a ride.’ Liam said.

‘Brett from Chimera. Kick-ass, dreamy as hell, guitar-playing Brett?’ Nolan asked.

‘I wouldn’t call him that. But yeah.’ Liam said, closing the locker.

‘Why would he give you a ride?’

‘Uhh, Theo was with him. I guess he saw me and they were heading here anyway, so…’ Liam jumped when Nolan slammed his locker door and stormed out of the room.

‘What did I say?’ Liam asked.

‘Nolan just gets moody sometimes.’ Mason said. The way he spoke made Liam think he was picking his words carefully—not saying what was really going on, and not leaving enough room for more questions. That was fine. None of it was any of Liam’s business anyway. He just happened to be tossed head first into the mix.

‘What are you going to do about the black eye?’ Mason asked as they started to run laps.

‘I dunno. Is it really noticeable?’

‘Very.’ Mason said.

‘Crap.’ Liam mumbled. He was hoping it would go down enough that his dad wouldn’t pay any attention when he got home, but if it was that much worse then there was no way to avoid it.

‘Hey! Maybe Kira can show me how to cover it up!’ Liam said.

‘Uhhh… maybe.’ Mason said.

‘What do you mean maybe? She’s like, an artist isn’t she? And her makeup always looks amazing.’ Liam said.

‘You checking out my girlfriend?’ Mason huffed before smiling.

‘Not like that.’ Liam felt the blush return to his cheeks.

‘Oh that’s right, you’re into Hayden.’ Mason teased. ‘Hey, I think she has lunch at the same time we do.’

‘So?’

‘So maybe you should ask her out.’

‘You know I can’t.’

‘Liam, your dad is religious but he’s not a robot. He’s got to know you’re gonna date eventually. I mean, I’m not talking about having orgies or gang bangs or anything, jeez.’

Liam stumbled and barely managed to get his feet back under him. He glared at Mason. That kind of language always made him uncomfortable, and Mason knew it.

‘I don’t have time—‘

‘Bullshit! Dude, you got to live a little. Cut loose. At least hang out with me and the gang tonight.’

‘I can’t tonight. I have to help with the youth group.’ Liam said.

‘Tomorrow then.’ Mason said as they neared the end of their warm up laps.

Liam sighed, ‘Alright.’

‘Yes!’ Mason made an over exaggerated arm pump. Liam rolled his eyes. Mason could be so dramatic sometimes.

‘What about Kira? Do you think she could help me? With the eye I mean.’

‘I dunno. Probably.’

‘Can you text her?’

‘After gym.’ Mason said, taking off around the course again. Liam frowned. Maybe the fight the other night was more serious than he thought and Mason was on the outs with Kira. He knew that all the couples in their grade broke up and got back together a dozen times in a single month. Kira was older, though she was in the same grade. Liam never heard why, but figured it was because she transferred from out of state somewhere. Still, he felt bad. If Mason and Kira were fighting…

It took him a minute to catch up to Mason again. They jogged in silence for a whole lap before Liam worked up the courage to speak.

‘Hey, listen. I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Mason gave him a confused look.

‘What for?’

‘Well, you and Kira were fighting and I keep bringing her up like a jerk. And I’m probably making you feel like crap.’ Liam said.

Mason looked surprised for a minute. The look dissolved into an easy smile as they came to a stop. Mason clapped on Liam’s back a few times.

‘You’re gonna make some girl really happy Liam.’

Liam felt a knot from in his gut as Mason spoke. It must have shown on his face.

‘Seriously. You’re the most considerate person I know.’ Mason said. They paused to drink some water. Liam shifted from foot to foot—this whole encounter was turning on him.

‘It’s okay.’ Mason said. ‘I’ll text Kira and tell her to meet you by the washrooms on the soccer field during lunch.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam smiled.

###

Liam tossed his book bag against the wall of the building. The restrooms were on the far side of the soccer field—a small brick building just bring enough for separate gender facilities and a maintenance closet. Liam hunkered down in the shady side, away from the school. He had a nice view of the small forest that ran along the edge of the property, and the cool shadow of the building made him relax.

He’d managed to get out of chemistry early since they had a substitute and they were just doing busy work. Everyone left with an extra twenty minutes to spare so Liam made his way to where Kira was going to meet him later so he could grab a few minutes to himself and think.

Before he could turn his attention to any of his problems he heard a faint noise. A lighter sound. Giggling. Which was odd for the middle of a soccer field with no one else around. Liam got up and followed the sounds—giggles and whispers and suspicious smacking noises. He peeked around the corner of the building to the back. 

Breath caught in his throat. There was Kira, pinned against the wall by the drummer from the band last night. The woman that looked like she could tear Liam in half with her teeth. Except she didn’t look so mean right now. In fact, they were whispering softly to each other. The look on Kira’s face told Liam that she was very much into what was happening. He bit his tongue as they leaned forward and kissed softly, then deeply.

‘Oh crap, oh crap.’ Liam quietly turned around the corner and walked to his book bag. He bent down to pick it up. Instead of his finger grabbing the shoulder strap, they grasped nothing and Liam fell to the ground. He scrambled to stand, brushing the grass off of his pants.

‘Liam?’ Kira appeared from the opposite corner. Her hair had been hastily combed and her clothes were done up. Except one side was untucked.

‘Oh hey! Sorry. I… fell. Down. I fell down.’ Liam bumbled.

Kira laughed. ‘You’re cute. And early.’ 

‘Yeah, sorry. Got out of class sooner than I thought.’

‘That’s okay. I can give you a quick lesson, then we can go to the cafeteria with everyone else.’ 

‘Oh. Okay.’ Liam said. His mind was racing. What should he do? What would Mason think? He was going to be heart broken that Kira was cheating on him! And with a woman! Did that mean Kira was gay? Or bi? Was this a secret? Should he tell Mason and in the process reveal that Kira wasn’t straight? That didn’t seem cool at all. He would never want someone to do that to him. But he would never cheat on someone in the first place. So which was the worse thing to do? And did Kira’s cheating somehow make it okay to out her, even to Mason?

No. He couldn’t do that. But he couldn’t watch his best friend suffer while his girlfriend cheated on him. He’d have to ask Scott. He could call as soon as he got home and before he opened the church basement for youth group.

‘You in there, Liam?’ Kira asked.

‘What?’ 

‘You kind of spaced out.’ Kira said, ‘Maybe you got a bit of a concussion.’

‘What? No! I just… I day dream? A lot. All the time. Bad habit.’

‘You are very weird. But that’s cute, too.’ She smiled and pushed her way into the girl’s room.

‘Wait, I can’t go in there…’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s the girl’s room.’

‘Please. The gender binary is a false construct created and perpetuated by the patriarchy to segregate and control the population. Two genders. Absurd. That’s like saying the only fruits in the world are apples and oranges. I think there’s a song about that Banshee did. Or maybe it was like, really early Chimera? An original.’ Kira pulled Liam into the room and positioned him in front of the mirror.

‘Wash your face. Hot, then cold water and pat dry.’ Kira said. Liam turned on the tap and did as he was told. When he finished he saw Kira had an entire arsenal of makeup and colours set on the counter.

‘What’s that?’

‘Options.’ She said, taking him by the chin. She picked a few different colours and some other strange plastic cases. She squeezed out some gel and spread it on his face. When she was done she stepped back.

‘Is that it?’

‘No. That was moisturizer. Now the real work begins.’

Liam waited patiently as Kira applied each layer, explaining about coverstick, concealer, and foundation. His mind raced in a thousand different directions about Kira and the drummer from the band… what was her name? Molly? Malia. Were they dating? Maybe it was a joke? Maybe he’d imagined it all? No, he was pretty sure that he didn’t imagine it. He really needed advice on what he should do. Or if he should do anything at all. It wasn’t really his business, but it was Mason he was worried about. And Kira was nice. But he didn’t really know her. Didn’t really know anything.

‘There.’ Kira said. Liam looked in the mirror.

‘I look…normal.’

‘I would have said adorable, but sure.’ Kira shoved several cases of make up in his hands.

‘Take these. You can use them until it heals and then give them back. Make up isn’t cheap.’

‘Thanks.’

She gave him a quick wink.

‘C’mon. I’m starving and they’re actually serving pizza today.’

###

‘Liam!’ Mason waved as they walked into the cafeteria. Liam headed to the table where everyone was sitting—Danny and Nolan were arguing as usual, and Mason was talking to some girl with dark hair. Liam felt his stomach lurch up into his throat. It was Hayden. He didn’t dislike her, but he certainly didn’t like her as much as he implied. And Mason was bull-headed enough to assume that he was just being shy when he protested. And now she was at the table, eating lunch with Mason and all his friends. For a moment Liam considered slipping away to eat lunch in the library, but Kira’s hand on his shoulder (and the smirk on her face) told him he wasn’t going to escape. They’ planned this.

'Hey,' Nolan said, 'You look normal.'

'Courtesy of the Makeup King.' Kira said.

'Wouldn't it be Makeup Queen?' Hayden asked. Kira made a small, dismissive noise.

'I liked the shiner better.' Nolan muttered. Danny cuffed him upside the head.

'Play nice with strangers.' He raised his eyebrows. Nolan made and face and gave a little nod.

Liam blinked.

‘Sit here.’ Mason said, moving to make room beside Hayden.

‘Liam you know Hayden from chem.’

‘And history.’ Hayden said.

‘Sure. Hi.’ Liam managed as he sat down beside Hayden and took out the paper bag that held his lunch. As he took out a bologna sandwich and an apple he was aware of the rest of the table discreetly glancing at his meal. They all bought their lunch from the cafeteria. Liam didn’t have that luxury. He had to make his meals every night for the next day. He was thankful he’d made today’s lunch early, before Mason had dragged him to that punk show.

Liam shifted in his seat as he ate his sandwich. He glanced at Kira and Mason, chatting like there was nothing wrong. Except to Mason, nothing was wrong. He’d clearly made up with Kira and had no idea that she was cheating on him.

‘Liam?’ Danny repeated. Liam choked on his food. Nolan gave him a swift slap on the back, dislodging the bite of sandwich from Liam’s throat and allowing him to breathe again.

‘Sorry.’

‘You okay?’ Danny asked. Liam nodded.

‘I didn’t hear. I wasn’t paying attention.’ Liam said.

‘He likes to day dream.’ Kira pointed out, stealing a piece of pepperoni off Nolan’s pizza. The teen frowned and grabbed it away from her.

‘What were you thinking about?’ Hayden asked. Liam blanked. He needed to say something—they were all waiting. But he couldn’t blurt out what he’d been actually thinking. He needed something else.

‘Ummm, how hard it would be to dye your hair pink.’ Liam said. Which seemed to be another wrong thing to say since now all eyes were on him. The looks varied from suspicious to intrigued, all the way to Hayden’s disapproving frown.

‘You’re not going to dye your hair pink are you?’

‘What? Me?’ Liam asked. Knowing glances passed between the rest of the table. ‘No, no. I was… it was just a daydream.’

‘Good. Cuz I think you look good how you are.’ Hayden smiled. Lima gave a nervous grin in return, trying to catch Mason’s eye. The boy gave him a hidden thumbs up. Liam wanted to die.

‘So, about pink hair.’ Danny waved a french fry in the air, ‘I think you could pull it off.’

‘Yeah.’ Kira chimed in, ‘You must have seen something that inspired you to think of it.’

Nolan snorted, barely containing his laughter.

‘Ummm, I don’t know.’ Liam said. ‘I just like pink.’

‘You. You like pink.’ Hayden said.

‘It’s his favourite color.’ Mason joked. Liam felt his cheeks burn. Hayden put her hand on his and gave him a reassuring look.

‘Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s sweet. I like pink, too.’

‘But you’re a girl.’ Nolan said.

‘A woman.’ Mason corrected.

‘Let’s not make assumptions about how people identify.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘Right. Sorry.’ Nolan nodded. The entire table turned to look at Hayden.

‘Uhhh…I’m a woman?’

‘Right. Good. Awesome.’ Nolan said before stealing a fry from Danny, only to get his hand swatted away.

‘You have weird friends.’ Hayden whispered to Liam.

‘Sorry.’ He said.

‘It’s okay. I like them. They’re quirky.’ 

Liam was pretty sure that none of the people at the table would approve of being called quirky but he didn’t bother pointing that out. Hayden had moved closer during the conversation. He could feel her leg pressing against his as she leaned forward, clearly into his personal space. Something that made Liam very anxious. Luckily Mason caught on and gave his friend a worried look.

‘Liam,’ He stood up, ‘Can you come help me grab something from my car before the bell?’

Liam nodded, following after Mason in a calm, but urgent pace. Once they rounded the corner and were out of sight, Mason guided him into one of the empty homerooms and sat Liam down at a desk.

‘You gonna be okay?’ He asked. Liam nodded.

‘I know sometimes you get freaked out. But that’s okay. Alright?’ Mason said. he reached out to rub Liam’s back like he usually did when Liam got overwhelmed.

‘This okay?’

‘You don’t have to ask every time. But yeah.’ Liam gave permission. He sighed as Mason rubbed his back and calmed him down.

‘Sorry I’m such a baby.’

‘Dude, you’re not a baby.’

‘Feel like one.’

‘Hey, listen. That’s your dad talking, okay? Don’t think like that.’ Mason’s voice was gentle. Liam smiled—he was so glad to have someone that cared about him like Mason did. Even if he was wrong.

‘Gentlemen.’ A deep voice made them look up. Their biology teacher, Mr. Hale, was peering at them over his glasses.

‘Sorry! We were… I was just…’ Mason tried to string together a good excuse for being in a room they weren’t supposed to be.

‘It’s alright.’ Mr. Hale said, taking a seat at his desk.

‘There’s ten minutes to the bell. You can stay if you need to.’ He looked directly at Liam. The boy nodded. This was the first year he had Mr. Hale. There were lots of stories about how strict he was. And his temper. Liam heard he took off two letters from a kid’s paper because he talked back to him in class. Liam wasn’t too worried, he’d never do something like that. But still, it was unusual to see a teacher being so understanding. Especially one with the scariest reputation in the school.

‘Mason, do you need to use the room after school again?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘Oh, no. Not today, Mr. Hale.’ Mason said. Liam gave him a questioning look. Something Mason brushed away with a forced smile.

Liam felt himself calming down. He watched Mr. Hale write out his lesson on the board. Their biology teacher had only been at the school for three years and was by far the youngest teacher in the school. Liam’s interactions with him had been pretty straight forward and business-like. Mr. Hale gave homework. Liam did homework and passed it in. Liam was getting an A minus in the class—something he really had to work hard at, unlike history or gym. Science was not his strong point.

The bell rang and Liam sighed. Calculus was calling to him. He got up and headed to the door with Mason. Before he left he paused and looked back.

‘Mr. Hale… umm… thanks.’

Mr. Hale set his glasses on his desk.

‘Anytime, Liam. My door is always open.’

Liam gave a nod and headed to class, giving Mason a small wave. He felt a little clearer now, like he could get through the rest of the day. The nagging problem of Kira was still sitting in the back of his mind, though. He really needed to talk to Scott and sort everything out. Hopefully the older boy would be able to give him some insight into what to do.

###


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few warnings-- there's some heavy stuff in this chapter. Some talk of trauma and abuse that might be upsetting for people, so please keep that in mind.
> 
> I've fudged people's ages a bit (because if tw can do it, why can't I?) and I'll post a brief guide to all that before next chapter. Which will also have 66% more Theo in it BTW!
> 
> Please forgive any spelling or formatting issues--I'm so behind I literally just finished this and am posting without looking at it at all.

‘Please open your hymnal to 382 and join me in song.’ Pastor Dunbar spoke from the pulpit. The congregation rose to their feet. Liam reluctantly joined them, mouthing the words. His heart wasn’t in it. He’d narrowly dodged his dad’s disapproval with the black eye. Kira’s makeup tips had saved him while it healed on its own.

It hadn’t been for a few days since Liam had discovered Kira was cheating on Mason. He’d meant to speak to Scott about it, but when he got home his dad confronted him about the B+ he was pulling in Geography. The class was brutal and even though Liam had the second highest mark out of all the students (second to Mason’s A-) his dad felt he was slacking off. Which meant spending more time at the church and with his studies. Mason was accustomed to the spells of radio silence Liam had to endure. It turned out that Scott was not.

After the sermon had finished Liam helped clean up the pews and reorder the hymnals in their shelves. His dad stood in by the entrance, speaking to the deacons and several women. Liam couldn’t hear what they were saying but it was clear they weren’t happy about something. He thought about trying to get closer and figure out what was going on, but decided that he had enough problems of his own to deal with. By the time his dad was ready to go home Liam had been walking around the church in circles for an hour.

The drive home was quiet. Liam glanced out the window as they passed Ruby’s, a small family-owned ice cream shop. They stopped there every Sunday after service. It wasn’t like his dad to change routines. Especially one so old it was practically tradition. Come to think of it, Liam hadn’t seen Ms. Ruby at church either.

‘Aren’t we gonna stop?’

‘Not today.’ The tone was firm. Liam dropped the topic and leaned against the window. They’d be home in ten minutes and he could finish his bio report.

‘Liam.’ His dad spoke without taking his eyes off the road, ‘What extracurriculars are you in at school?’

‘None really. I spend all my extra time on Sunday school and youth group stuff.’

‘So you don’t have Derek Hale as a teacher.’

‘Mr. Hale? I have him for bio.’ Liam frowned.

‘Has he ever tried anything with you?’ Liam could see his dad’s fists gripping the steering wheel with an intensity that made his knuckles white.

‘What do you mean?’ Liam asked.

‘Nothing. Never mind. Just, if anything strange happens let me know right away. Alright?’

‘Sure. I can do that.’ Liam said.

‘You’re a good boy, Liam.’ His dad said as they turned onto their street. When he was younger those words would have filled him with joy. Now they seemed hollow. False. Like all the goodness had been bled out of them and all that was left was pale, lifeless platitude.

‘Who’s that?’ His dad asked, slowing the car. Liam peered out the window. Scott was leaning against the hood of his small, black car. He spotted them and waved as they pulled into their driveway.

‘Good to finally meet you, pastor.’ Scott came over as soon as they were getting out of the car, his hand extended. Liam watched his dad squeeze Scott’s hand—he always had a thing for making sure a man’s handshake was firm. Scott didn’t bat an eyelash, applying force and pressure two fold and making the pastor calmly disengage his grip. At least the older boy had passed that hurdle.

‘Oh sorry, did Liam not tell you I was coming over?’ Scott said, glancing at his new friend.

‘He failed to mention it.’ The pastor said.

‘Oh maybe I got the date wrong. I’m supposed to tutor him.’ Scott said, ‘But if now’s not a good time I’ll come back later.’

‘No. No it’s fine. Why don’t you boys go inside. Liam, make our guest feel welcome.’

‘You’re not coming in?’ Liam asked as his dad opened the car door again.

‘I’m afraid there a few concerned members of the congregation I need to visit. Clear some things up. You focus on your studies. I expect an A.’ Liam watched him back the car out of the driveway and head around the corner.

‘Ummm, want to come in?’

‘Sure.’ Scott smiled and followed Liam into the house. They kicked off their shoes at the front door.

‘Want something to drink?’ Liam asked.

‘Iced tea?’ Scott asked.

‘One sec.’ Liam went into the kitchen and took out some glasses. Scott followed behind, taking in the room.

‘Thanks.’ He said before taking a drink. ‘This place is super clean. Like, freaky clean. It’s almost like no one lives here.’

‘Yeah, the deacons’ wives take turns cleaning the house every week.’ Liam said.

‘Your mom must love that.’ Scott chuckled. Liam took his time putting the iced tea away. Scott clutched his glass as he watched Liam. The boy’s movements were normal but the muscles of his back were stiff and tense. Liam sat at the island across from Scott, cleaning up the water from the pitcher.

‘Liam, I’m sorry.’

‘Why?’

‘I didn’t know about your mom.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Is she… did she…’

‘She’s in New York. With her new family.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I don’t care.’ Liam said. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’

‘I tried to get in touch yesterday, see if you wanted to hang out. Then I realized I didn’t know your number. So here I am!’ Scott smiled.

‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Liam muttered. Scott frowned.

‘Liam, is everything okay?’

‘Sure. Yeah. I just really need to study.’ Liam said as he headed into the living room to grab his book bag. Scott set his glass in the sink and went after him.

‘Liam, I know we just met a week ago or whatever, but you don’t look like everything is okay.’ 

Liam sighed and closed his eyes. He grabbed his book bag and headed upstairs. Scott lingered, unsure if he’d crossed a line he shouldn’t have. Liam stopped on the stairs and looked back.

‘My room’s up here.’

‘Cool.’ Scott smiled, following.

Liam’s room didn’t look anything like a typical teenager’s room—there were two posters on the wall—one lacrosse poster and a basketball player. There were no clothes on the floor, and the bed was perfectly made. Everything was in order—neat and tidy. Scott did a double take as Liam pulled out a chair by his desk. There were no personal knickknacks or trophies. Almost like Liam didn’t use the room for anything but sleep and study.

Liam sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded on his lap. Scott glanced around the room. Liam had a basketball tucked away by the edge of his bed. Scott leaned down and picked it up. The surface was clean. Unused.

‘You play?’

‘Not really.’ Liam said.

‘Wanna?’ Scott asked.

‘I dunno.’ Liam said, ‘I should really study.’

‘How many hours do you study a day?’

‘Four. Usually.’ Liam said.

‘Liam. That’s more studying than like, ten kids in high school.’ Scott tried to crack a joke. Liam sat in silence.

‘Alright. I guess I’ll see you around, maybe.’ Scott said as he stood.

‘No!’ Liam startled himself. Scott froze mid-step and gave a small nod before sinking back into the chair. Liam wedged his hands between his knees. This was a lot harder than he thought it would be. Friends were harder than he thought they would be. Mason was used to him for the most part. At first he’d pressed really hard, trying to get Liam to break free from the way his life was, but that just made Liam feel bad. Mason knew when to back off to give Liam room. Except Liam wasn’t sure he wanted room right now. At least not the way it had been happening. There were so many new things, so many questions inside of him now, and it was getting harder to hold them in. Plus, there was no way he could go to Mason with some of the things he felt or thought. Especially considering Kira and the girl from the band.

‘I’m not very good.’ Liam said. Scott frowned. It was hard to frame what the boy was saying in any context. Scott hoped he was talking about basketball.

‘Neither am I.’ The older boy smiled and relaxed in his chair. ‘Honestly I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. But it’s fun to play. It’s fun to just get out there, you know?’

Liam shrugged. Scott scooped up the ball.

‘How about I help you study for like an hour, then we hit the court?’

Liam glanced up at Scott—the older boy had an air about him. It made Liam less on edge. Scott was non-judgemental. But at the same time Liam got the impression he’d gone through some tough times. It drew him to Scott. Made him feel like he could trust him.

‘Okay.’ Liam found himself smiling even as he pulled out his pre-cal text book.

###

‘That was totally cheating!’ Scott yelled as Liam took a shot at the net. Liam was smaller, but much faster. The boy seemed to have endless energy—something Scott would have never guessed from the quiet, reserved manner Liam presented.

They’d finished Liam’s work faster than usual—it turned out Scott was a decent teacher, even if they had to walk through a lot of the material together. Scott had a way of making things relatable. With that, Liam was able to head to the community park and play one-on-one with Scott, guilt free.

Liam watched the ball sink into the net. He wiped his face off to keep sweat from stinging his eyes.

‘Okay. Gloves are off now, Liam.’ Scott smiled. He peeled his sweat-drenched t-shirt off. Liam couldn’t help it—his eyes darted to the lean muscles of Scott’s torso. The older boy’s darker skin glistened with sweat. Liam looked away before Scott could catch him. He didn’t even like Scott that way. But he couldn’t deny that he was cute. And kind. And helpful.

Liam huffed as he ran to get the ball. He could feel his cheeks burning. Scott tucked his shirt into his waistband and held out his hands for a pass. Liam got closer and pushed the ball out from his chest.

‘Dude, you’re melting.’ Scott chuckled. It was true—Liam found one old grey t-shirt in the bottom of his dresser. It was a little older and kind of snug, but it was better than wearing a polo on the basketball court. Except he knew he was sweating like mad, and it was easy to see with the color of his shirt. He wanted to take his shirt off and cool down, but it wasn’t an option.

‘You’re three points behind.’ Liam flashed a smile. Scott picked up on the change of topic quickly. He returned Liam’s smile with one of his own, to let him know there was no pressure. Scott winked and took a shot—sinking the ball.

‘I wasn’t ready.’ Liam said.

‘No one’s ever ready for my move.’ Scott laughed.

‘You’re terrible.’ Liam found a genuine smile on his face. Scott was safe. Scott was good. Liam found himself watching how Scott moved on the court—his chest, his arms, his shoulders. He wondered what Theo would look like playing basketball. Moving the way Scott was. Did Theo have scars? Liam’s eyes fell on Scott’s side from where the dog bit him. To the jagged marks across his right shoulder blade. Liam felt his breath catch in his throat. The ball came his way and he reached out, fingers grazing the surface. Not paying attention.

‘Dude, you okay?’ Scott looked at him with concern.

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam’s eyes fell. Scott tilted his head. The younger boy grabbed the ball and passed it, but wouldn’t look him in the face.

‘Time out. I need a rest.’ Scott said, heading for the bench along the chainlink fence. He sat down and drank some water before passing it to Liam. Scott leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. Thinking.

‘My mom’s a nurse. Did I tell you that?’ Scott asked. Liam shook his head, pushing his hair out of his face.

‘My dad, he’s this big time detective or whatever. Used to be FBI.’ Scott said, watching the leaves of the trees move in the slight breeze moving though the park.

‘When I was little I wanted to be just like him. I didn’t understand why my mom didn’t like him. They fought a lot. Lots of yelling. I mean, I don’t even remember specifics, really. Just feeling scared and confused. And I hated her for making him mad.’ Scott leaned back against the fence.

‘After he lost his job he started drinking. Things got worse. I knew something was wrong. I knew it. I could see him change, like, a little bit at a time. When he started to hit her I… I kind of suspected. But I was so little and I didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. It wasn’t hard to see after a few months. That he wasn’t my dad anymore. Not really. One day I broke the window with a baseball. And this happened.’ Scott turned his shoulder to look at the faded scar across his shoulder. Jagged. Thin lines of anger disappearing into skin. 

‘What happened?’ Liam asked. His heart ached. His eyes were edged with tears.

‘He lost it. Just, lost it. Hit me with a beer bottle. I dunno if it cracked on my shoulder blade or what. It didn’t hurt at first. I mean, it hurt inside. That he was…that he hit me. He was so angry. Then I started to bleed. And my mom was there suddenly. And the hospital.’ Scott looked at his feet.

‘I never want to be like him.’

Every part of Liam urged him to reach out. To comfort Scott. But what could he offer but pity? He was so small. He wasn’t useful to anyone. He certainly couldn’t help Scott, who was so much stronger and braver than he was. Instead he wiped his tears away, knowing Scott had seen them.

‘What happened then?’

‘Mom left him. We moved out. I met Th… I met some friends. They helped me. But it was hard. I was so used to being alone. I didn’t trust anyone. One friend, he practically beat me up to get me to trust him.’ Scott chuckled.

‘That sounds messed up.’

‘Yeah. It was. But he’s… he has problems of his own.’ Scott said. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to drop that on you.’

‘It’s okay. Really.’ Liam said. Scott nodded. He squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

‘Thanks for listening.’

‘No problem.’

‘If you ever want to… talk or hang out, I’m around too.’ Scott said. Liam bit his lip and nodded.

‘Your friends… are you still friends now?’ Liam asked.

‘Yeah. We actually had a band!’ Scott’s face lit up. ‘We were terrible though.’

‘What was it called? Were you a punk band?’ Liam smiled.

‘We were “The Pack”. Awful name.’ Scott shook his head. ‘Not punk. Not really anything I guess. Just noise.’

‘Sounds kind of punk.’

Scott laughed.

‘I like you, Liam.’

Liam blushed. Scott was so direct with his feelings. Like there was no barrier between him and the world. Not like when Liam felt something well up inside him. Not like when he got angry and all the safeguards snapped into place. Locking things down. No, Scott was open and free. Liam felt a mix of jealousy and longing at the same time that made him hiccup.

‘Hey, you want to meet them?’

‘Your friends?’

‘Sure. They’re playing a gig tonight.’

‘Your band?’

‘Naw. We broke up. But they made a new band. “Banshee”. They’re wicked!’ Scott said.

‘So they made a new band without you?’ Liam asked. That didn’t seem very cool.

‘I… I didn’t want to be in a band anymore. And our other friend, he had a different band. New friends. So it’s all okay.’ Scott said. Liam didn’t get the feeling that he was just being kind. He seemed laid back. Accepting of however things had turned out. More than ever Liam felt like Scott was a good person to talk to about Kira and Mason, even if he was friends with them. He would be able to give Liam good advice, he was sure of it.

‘I’m supposed to clean the church basement tonight.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I’ll help.’ Scott said, standing up.

‘You don’t have to.’

‘I want to.’ Scott said, ‘Besides, look how fast we got through your homework! We’re a good team.’

‘Ha. I guess.’ Liam said. ‘You sure?’

‘I’m sure. We’ll clean it so it shines and then go to the gig and you’ll be back before ten.’

‘It’s not a late night show?’

‘Naw. They’re not as wild as Chimera.’ Scott smiled.

‘Alright.’ Liam said. He hoped his dad was going to be distracted a little bit longer. The past week or so he’d been able to go to different things and meet new people were much needed breaths of fresh air. He was sure he could sneak out one more time at least.

‘Awesome.’ Scott gave him a crooked smile.

###

The building was small—an all ages club that was on the other side of the neighbourhood. Lots of younger teenagers milled around. Liam felt the anxiety well up inside at the sound and sight of so many people. Scott’s hand on his shoulder calmed him a bit. The older boy guided them to the side entrance. He leaned in and spoke with the bouncer, who opened the door a second later to let them inside, circumventing the crowd.

‘VIP?’ Liam joked. Scott nodded.

‘They always save me a spot up at the top. Better view!’ 

Scott led him up the side stairs to the balcony. There were a few people already there—mostly older and interested in their phones. Scott got them seats near the front so they could see the show directly.

As they settled in the lights changed. The place had a different vibe than the punk show they’d gone to. A bit less frenetic, though the excitement was still there. A woman came out to announce the line up and Liam turned to Scott.

‘So what do they play?’

‘Mostly original stuff. Kind of eclectic.’

‘Electric?’ Liam frowned.

‘Eclectic. Big mix of stuff. Some electric too, knowing Erica.’ Scott said.

‘Erica?’ Liam asked. Scott didn’t have time to answer—the band was taking their place on stage.

Two woman took centerstage. One with hair like fire, one with dark hair and eyes. Behind them were two boys—one was pale and skinny with a bass and the other guy was broad-shouldered with an electric guitar. A blonde woman with a smug look sat at the drums. The red-head held her hand up, lips pursed. She waited until the room feel silent before nodding to the dummer, who started a simple beat. The bass player joined in after that, then the others. It wasn’t like an kind of music Liam had heard before. It certainly wasn’t punk.

When the two woman began to vocalize Liam felt his hair stand on end. They weren’t singing words, but the sounds they were making were haunting. Striking. Shaking him deep to his core somehow. After a few minutes they trailed off—then suddenly broke into lyrics with force and power, but not overwhelming like Theo’s vocals. He sang like there was something inside trying to claw its way out. The women on stage sang like they knew something. Like they had seen things just out of sight and they were teasing almost. Coaxing. The crowd joined in with enthusiasm, cheering and responding to every move and pause the band made. It was an entirely new experience.

‘What do you think?’ Scott asked. Liam looked at him giving a nod of approval. Words weren’t coming fully formed to his mind in that moment. He smiled, and Scott smiled back as they settled in to listen to the rest of the set.

###

‘Scott McCall.’ The dark-haired woman opened her arms and pulled him into a hug.

‘Or is it Delgado now?’ She smirked.

‘Still McCall. For now.’ He gave a weak smile. Liam guessed it was something to do with his parent’s separation, but it seemed out of place if it happened years ago. Maybe an inside joke?

‘And who is this? Your protege?’ She turned her eyes to Liam.

‘Allison, this is Liam. Liam, this is Allison. We used to go out.’ Scott said.

‘Before I dumped him.’

‘You didn’t dump me. You moved.’ Scott said.

‘That’s what he tells himself to feel better.’ Allison said to Liam. She turned to Scott and shared a chuckle. Clearly they were comfortable around each other.

‘Scott!’ A voice cracked through the air as a blur flew past Liam and tackled the older boy. Scott laughed, untangling himself from gangly limbs.

‘Liam, this is Stiles. That’s Erica, Boyd, and Lydia.’ Scott said, throwing an arm around Stiles’ shoulder.

‘Everyone this is my friend Liam.’

Lydia raised her eyebrow. Scott’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head. She nodded, then turned to Liam with a warm smile.

‘Welcome to our little group of misfits.’

‘Thanks. I… I liked your singing. Band. All of it.’ Liam sputtered.

‘You’re adorable.’ Lydia said after a minute then turned to Scott, ‘He’s adorable. Are you keeping him? Because if you’re not…’

‘Lydia…’ Scott’s voice was deeper then, and Liam saw something unspoken pass between them. They’d been friends long enough to have a quiet language. Liam got the impression that something important had just happened, but he couldn’t figure it out.

‘We’re going to Gus’s.’ Erica said, giving Liam a nod.

‘Still straight edge?’ Boyd asked Scott. The older boy nodded.

‘What about you?’ Erica asked Liam.

‘What about me?’

‘He doesn’t drink. Or anything.’ Scott said, pulling Liam close.

‘Cool. Catch you later, Scottie.’ Erica said with a wink as she left with Boyd.

‘Scott. Scott. Hey. I have this thing I got to talk about with Lydia. Stick around, yeah?’ Stiles smiled. Scott nodded. Stiles passed Liam, giving him an awkward slap on the back.

‘When you said you were coming I thought you were bringing a date.’ Allison said.

‘Liam’s my date.’ Scott said. ‘My super platonic, chill bro time, bro date. Person.’

Allison smiled, ‘Well at least you didn’t waltz in here with Theo.’

‘You know Theo?’ Liam asked before he could stop himself. His heart skipped a beat at the mention of the pink-haired singer’s name.

Allison looked between Scott and Liam. More unspoken words.

‘I make it a habit to know all Scott’s ex’s.’ Allison teased. Liam blinked. Scott made a hissing noise. Allison flipped her hair back and patted Liam on the shoulder.

‘I’m teasing, Liam.’ She glanced at Scott, ‘We all used to be friends. Back in the day.’

‘Oh. Cool.’

‘Remember the band I was telling you about? Theo was in it, too. So was Stiles.’ Scott said.

‘So you all hang out and stuff.’

‘No.’ Allison said, straightening up. Silence stretched out between them.

‘Shit. We have to jet. Liam has a curfew.’ Scott said. Another look from Allison. Scott tilted his head.

‘Tell Stiles I’ll catch up with him tomorrow!’ Scott said, pulling Liam away.

‘It was nice to meet you.’ Liam said.

‘I’m sure I’ll see you again, Liam.’ Allison smiled. She seemed nice, though there was something there at the end. Something like a sharp knife. A little bit of something Liam recognized when he saw Theo singing. He wanted to asked Scott more about the pink-haired boy, but felt like it wasn’t a good time. Scott seemed a bit more on edge now after they spoke with the band.

The drive home was quiet. Liam picked at the edge of his shirt hem.

‘Hey, can I ask you something? Some advice?’ Liam asked.

‘Sure. But I’m awful at giving advice, just so you know.’ Scott said.

‘Say you had a friend, and they had like, a girlfriend.’ Liam said.

‘With you so far.’

‘Say you saw the girlfriend kind of cheating on your friend.’

‘Hmmm.’ Scott said, turning onto Liam’s street.

‘But telling your friend might kind of be also telling a secret about their girlfriend that isn’t yours to tell. What should you do?’

Scott was silent as he pulled up to the curb outside of Liam’s house and parked the car. He was quiet for a few more seconds.

‘I don’t know. Sorry.’ Scott said. Liam slumped in his seat a bit. Scott studied him closely, trying to puzzle things out.

‘I wouldn’t want to be anyone in that situation.’ Scott said, ‘But depending on my friend, I would tell them. Discretely. Without giving away the details that weren’t mine to tell. It’s a hard place to be, but I would hope that my friend would understand, even if they were mad with me for awhile.’

Liam nodded. Even if Scott said he was bad at giving advice, it gave Liam an idea of what to do, possibly. Something to think about anyway.

‘Here.’ Scott said, jotting his number down on a torn off piece of paper. ‘If you wanna hang out or whatever, give me a call.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam said. He reached for the door and lingered. Should he ask about Theo? It felt like the name alone threw Scott off.

‘What is it?’ Scott asked. Liam could hear the concern in his voice. No, Scott had been shaken by whatever happened with the band enough that Liam felt bad pushing him even more. Especially since he’d been so nice.

‘Nothing. I had fun. Thanks.’ Liam said.

‘My pleasure.’ Scott said.

Liam stepped out and closed the door, giving Scott a wave as he drove off. No car in the driveway meant his dad wasn’t home. Again. His frequent disappearances were starting to worry Liam, though he decided to leave it be and enjoy the small breathing space it made.

Tomorrow was another day.

###


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam discovers all of his new friends have been meeting in secret without him. As he struggles to deal with being left out he ends up in a part of Beacon Hills he's unfamiliar with, but before he can worry too much, a wild Theo appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably riddled with spelling mistakes.
> 
> The next chapter will be added on Aug 18/18! Which means I'll be focusing mainly on this fic. The rest will update but very slowly. ^^

Liam was not having a good day. He’d tried to find the time to sit down with Mason after he got advice from Scott. To bring up the topic of Kira softly, so that his friend could draw his own conclusions, maybe. Except Liam’s dad had come down pretty hard on him for no reason Liam could think of. Suddenly his free time didn’t exist anymore—it was filled with fixing old hymn books, changing cushions on pews, running the youth group and bible study, as well as helping with the Sunday School play. More than he usually got saddled with, and from the looks his dad was giving him, Liam knew he’d done something to deserve it. At least in his dad’s mind. Anger flared up at every glance from the man, and Liam pushed it down. Deep down. Making everything cool and calm again.

Without his bike, Liam had to run everywhere in order to keep on schedule. He’d managed to get a few rides here and there, but for the most part he was on his own. Whatever secret project his dad and his inner circle were working on included the car. Not that Liam was allowed to drive it anyway. Instead he made the most of the situation—at least he was keeping in shape.

Currently he had to meet Mason outside the school to give him back his physics textbook. Liam had been so tense all day, watching Kira and Mason and the others that he’d forgotten to give it back. It wasn’t any different from his own textbook, except Mason had a habit of making notes in the margins that explained things so much better than the teacher. One of several Liam was sure had it in for him. If not all of them. Except for Mr. Hale, who seemed pretty gruff on the surface, but Liam had seen the man go out of his way several times now when students were in trouble. If he kept it up he’d quickly become Liam’s favourite teacher.

Liam slowed to a jog as he passed the gate to the cemetery. He’d missed his visit a few days ago, but he knew his Gram would understand. Actually she’d probably chew out his dad and get him to back off. A sharp pang stopped him as fingers gripped the wrought iron fence around the pristine green grass. He missed her so much! Liam clenched his teeth as the feeling ripped through him, carving out a path for everything else he’d been pushing down over the years.

He was fine. This was fine. He deserved everything he felt as the barbs of loss tore at him from the inside. As they faded away Liam felt hollow. Desperate. Like he was barely holding onto the end of a rope that was already frayed. A feeling he hadn’t felt so keenly in many years. Without thinking he balled a fist and slammed it into the metal bar in front of him. The sharp pain shook the tendrils away from his heart and he was left standing alone on the sidewalk—the sound of dogs barking and kids playing in the distance. He looked down at his knuckles. They didn’t look too bad. Nothing he couldn’t hide.

Liam glanced up at the cemetery before starting his run again. Gram would not be happy if she knew he’d hurt himself. But she wasn’t there anymore. And Liam had to make due on his own. For now all that mattered was to get Mason his textbook and then get back to the church for the youth group.

_###_

‘Mase?’ Liam scanned the front steps of the school. When Mason called the house he said he’d be waiting outside. But Mason was easily distracted when it came to certain things. Like science. Or fantasy novels. Or anything punk. Liam slowed to catch his breath. If he couldn’t find his friend he’d tuck the book somewhere only he knew about and give Mason a call when he got to the church. He didn’t have a lot of time to waste.

As he sat in the shade of one of the trees next to the stairs, Liam heard voices. He circled around the edge of the building and tried to find where they were coming from.

‘…that’s not how it works.’ Mason’s voice.

Liam blinked when the far side of the school was completely empty. The voices were louder though, coming from a window. Liam followed them.

‘And why should he be in charge? He’s still a cisgender man. Don’t we have enough of that?’ Kira sounded like she was annoyed.

What were they talking about? Liam came to a stop next to an open window. One that he recognized belonged to Mr. Hale’s room. He was about to peek over the edge and surprise them when another voice joined in.

‘Settle down, Kira. We’re all friends here. That’s the whole point. But even if I’m the teacher liaison for the club, you still need a formal structure.’ Mr. Hale said.

Club? Mason never said anything about that. Come to think of it, Mr. Hale did ask Mason if he needed the room after school the other day. Maybe it was for their club, whatever it was.

‘Scott should be in charge.’ Nolan said.

‘Scott graduated.’ Mr. Hale said, ‘It has to be one of you.’

‘Then Kira can do it.’ Mason said.

‘I was just saying maybe we need to make room for people of all different gender identities. I didn’t say I wanted to be president.’ Liam couldn’t see them but he could feel the force of Kira’s eye roll.

‘For the love of god…’ Danny muttered, ‘I nominate Mason.’

Silence.

‘Ummm, I guess I second that?’ Nolan said.

‘Objections?’ Mr. Hale asked. Liam heard a faint grumbling sound from Kira.

‘Great. Now that we’re finished with that we can move on to actual business.’ Mr. Hale said.

‘What’s our budget look like?’ Nolan asked.

‘All school clubs get the same amount.’

‘Balls.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘Mr. Holloway.’ The teacher said, an edge to his voice.

‘Sorry.’ Nolan said.

‘Isn’t there supposed to be one more of you? Where’s Liam Dunbar?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘He’s… he didn’t want to come.’ Mason said. Liam blinked, eyes darting to the grass beneath his feet. Did Mason invite him to something again and he forgot? Did he brush his friend off? No. He was sure Mason never mentioned an after school club of any kind. Liam would have remembered because Mason would have tried every angle he could imagine to get him to go. And that definitely hadn’t happened. What then? They left him out on purpose? Maybe Mason just didn’t think it was worth trying to involve him. It was really only a matter of time until his friend got tired of all the baggage Liam was carrying around. It was probably better this way.

Liam walked back to the front of the school, tuning out the voices as they continued to talk. He tucked the physics text beside the front wheel of Mason’s bike. He’d find it when he came out. Liam stood at the edge of the pavement. He glanced back at the school. He could go in—

No. He wasn’t invited. Worse. He’d been purposely left out. But it was fine.

_No it’s not._ The though jolted him like a dagger in the side.

It was fine. He pushed his hear back. He didn’t have time to spare anyway. Even if he’d been invited he’d have to turn them down. 

But they didn’t invite him.

Liam shook his head. He narrowed his eyes. He could feel it inside, building up like a cyclone. The more he pushed his anger and hurt down the more excited the energy became. Calm and cool was not happening. He needed to try something else.

The moment the sole of his foot hit the pavement he knew he’d made the right choice. The sun beat down on him, but he didn’t care. He kept his legs pumping, tearing through the empty parking lot with a speed that surprised him. When he hit the sidewalk he bolted along the side streets where there were fewer people to avoid. His breath came in waves. His heart hammered in his chest. Every muscle protested—aching and tired from a long day already. The rage inside of him thundered, seeking a target as it slowly bled away into his movements.

Liam passed the turn that took him to the church. He passed the back way to his house. He passed everything—heading deeper into Beacon Hills than he’d been on foot. He passed the neighbourhoods he knew, knowing that if he stopped before everything was gone inside he would explode. So he kept running.

_###_

The sun had taken a dramatic drop towards the horizon by the time Liam’s lungs refused to keep pace. His run became a jog then, and the jog turned into an aimless wander. The anger was still there, but it was smaller. Enough to hold onto, like a burning ember in blister-seared palms. Liam kept his grip tight. Everything hurt. Everything ached. Outside, as well as inside.

He’d never asked for this. He’d never asked to be a freak. To be an outcast. To have a dad who hated him, and a mom who was in such a rush to get away she never looked back as soon as the divorce went through. He didn’t want to be stupid. Bad. Dumb. He didn’t want to be a wimp. He didn’t want to feel things so sharp they hurt. Everything hurt. Everything was confusing. He felt the surge of anger before it had a chance to boil up this time, and wrenched control back. Could you be angry at being angry? Liam felt like he was.

The sun was still hot and Liam was sweating rivers. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and walked in his tank top until he found a small alleyway of shade. As he settled on a box he realized he was visible from the street and made his way around back slightly, so no one would bother him. He didn’t want to be seen. Didn’t want the weight of anyone’s eyes on him now. Not when he was like this.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t he be better, like his dad wanted? Why was changing who you were so hard? Liam sighed and wiped his face with his shirt. It was cooler leaning against the bricks of the building. At least here he could think. Except thinking never helped that much. And whenever he tried to actually do something it always seemed to be the wrong thing. Making everyone mad. Or making them leave, like his mom. His eyes wandered to the dumpster down the way. A mangy cat was making noise as it looked for scraps.

Liam closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He was tired. More than tired. He was something else. Whatever was worse than tired. Weary? Like things were almost too much for him to handle. Like it could come falling down if he made the wrong move.

‘Liam?’ The voice was surprised, but hopeful. Liam turned to see the door a few feet away had opened exposing a world of steam and yelling. A boy with green eyes and pink hair was staring at him.

‘Th-Theo?’ Liam tried to sit up but only managed to bang his head against the brinks. A soft chuckle from Theo made his cheeks burn hot again, taking the place of the flush of exertion his marathon made.

‘One sec.’ Theo said as he put the trash into the dumpster. The cat jumped back a few feet but didn’t run. Theo turned and knelt down, reaching into the pocket of his apron and tossing the cat some scraps of meat. The cat approached slowly, then started to eat. It let Theo scratch behind it’s ears and gently pet it. Theo spoke in a low whisper. Something encouraging from the tone of it. He wiped his hands off on his apron and left the cat to its meal, heading back to Liam.

‘What are you doing here?’ Theo asked.

‘I’m just… I was running.’ Liam said. Theo’s smirk was small. Questioning.

‘I’m resting now.’ 

‘Before you run some more?’

‘No.’ Liam said, ‘I think I’m done for today. And maybe tomorrow.’

Theo’s smirk turned into a grin as he looked Liam over—slacks, boat shoes and a tank top. Dirty dress shirt on his lap.

‘You definitely don’t live around here.’

‘Not really.’

‘Lost?’

‘No. I mean… I don’t know.’

‘Been there.’ Theo said, leaning against the wall beside Liam. Locks of pink hair hung in his eyes and Liam felt his breath catch as the desire to push them out of Theo’s eyes took hold. He kept his hand still, but it shocked him how much he wanted to reach out. Instead he blushed and looked at his feet.

‘Theo! Get your ass in here!’ A woman yelled from inside.

‘I’m busy!’

‘I don’t pay you to play with stray cats, Theo! I pay you to wash the god damn dishes!’

‘One sec.’ Theo smiled at Liam then turned to the door, arguing with whoever was inside.

‘My shift was over two hours ago!’ The growl in his voice was pale in comparison to the vocals he’d let loose when they’d gone to see the band, but Liam could hear the undercurrents there.

‘There’s still prep to do.’

‘Tracey can do it when she gets here.’ Theo said, glancing at Liam. There was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. He leaned down.

‘Just play along, okay?’ He whispered.

‘I gotta jet. My boyfriend’s here.’ Theo’s voice was lower this time, challenging. Liam felt the color drain from his face at his words.

‘Bullshit.’ The voice inside was followed by a clang of dishes and footsteps. Theo reached down, taking Liam’s hand and drawing the boy to his feet. As soon as he was upright, Theo pulled him close so their hips were touching. A causal arm draped around Liam’s back. Resting on the angle of his hip, like it belonged there. Effortless.

The woman that looked out wore her years openly—a scowl etched into her features. Her dark hair was all over the place and the steam from the kitchen behind her made it stick to her neck. Liam tried to think of what to do, what to say. There was nothing. He traitor brain had abandoned him. So he stood, pressed against Theo’s side as the boy draped himself wherever he wanted.

‘Still don’t pay you to play with strays.’ She said.

‘Boyfriend. Did you not hear me or is your hearing going, too?’ Theo gave a polite smile.

The cook looked Liam up and down before glancing back at Theo and snorting.

‘Not your usual type.’ She held out her hand. Theo smiled and peeled off his apron, putting it into her hand.

‘We just started going out. Taking it slow.’ Theo said.

The cook looked at Liam. 

‘If you know what’s good for you, you’ll run as soon as he turns around.’

‘Hey!’ Theo said in mock hurt. The cook rolled her eyes and went back inside, leaving the door open.

Theo stepped away from Liam, noticing for the first time the stiffness of his shoulders.

‘Was that okay? Sorry. I should have asked. I just… I didn’t think.’

‘No!’ Liam blurted out, words finally returning. ‘No it was fine. I’m okay.’

‘Cool.’ Theo’s smile was easy. How was he so relaxed all the time?

‘You hungry?’ He asked, pushing the pink hair from his face. Liam was about to protest when suddenly he was keenly aware of the hollow pit where his stomach usually was, begging to be filled with something. Anything.

‘I think so.’

‘C’mon, Killer.’ Theo winked and took his hand, dragging him into the world behind the door.

As they made their way through the kitchen Liam fought to pay attention to what was around him—there were half a dozen people running around stainless steel appliances and long counters. Two cooks were at huge woks on a giant stove making stir fry. Liam glimpsed several plated dishes heading out to front of house. Anything to keep from focusing on the warmth of Theo’s fingers. The softness of his touch which was surprisingly gentle in comparison to the snarling image he presented on stage.

They pushed through the doors and stepped into a completely different place. Calm and tranquil almost. Faux Chinese decor covered the room from floor to ceiling—mass produced dragons and ink calligraphy from a printer accented the black, lacquer tables and plush red booths.

‘The usual spot?’ The waitress asked, barely acknowledging them.

‘Naw, we want the corner booth.’ Theo said. The waitress turned then glanced at Liam before smiling.

‘One sec.’ She said before clearing away the old dishes and wiping the table down. Liam sank into the booth. There were a dozen other tables being waited on. Liam was surprised that a dishwasher would be allowed the best spot in the restaurant so easily.

‘Dim sum?’ Theo looked up at him.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ Theo smiled, handing him a menu. ‘Pick what you want. It’s on me.’

‘What? Why?’ Liam said, taking the faux-leather menu.

‘You look hungrier than Norman Wells.’ Theo said.

‘Who?’ Liam was starting to feel stupid for not keeping up with the conversation.

‘My cat out back. My kitty from another hood. Normal Wells.’ Theo said, ‘Orson Wells’ lesser known cousin.’

‘Okay?’ Liam said, still confused, but smiling anyway at how expressive Theo was. He almost reminded him of Scott. But different. Very different.

‘Besides, I have to impress my boyfriend. It’s technically out first date.’ Theo teased. Liam felt himself bristle at the boy’s words. This time Theo picked up on it immediately. Some of his playfulness disappeared behind a shadow.

‘You okay, Killer?’ Theo’s voice was even in tone. Probing.

‘Yeah.’

‘You sure? Seem a bit uncomfortable.’ Theo said, setting his menu aside.

‘I’m just… tired. Mostly.’

‘Ah. You don’t want to be my boyfriend—‘

‘No!’ Liam bit his lip so hard after he said it he thought he tasted blood. Theo looked shocked, but it must have been the right response, because the quiet smile returned. The one that Liam remembered the first night he’d met Theo. Easy. Real.

‘I’m just kidding.’ Theo said, opening his menu again.

‘Oh.’ Liam said. ‘Umm, sorry. For yelling.’

‘It’s okay. Sometimes I’m a dick.’ Theo flashed another smile. Not as real. Something to hide behind. Liam didn’t know what to say so he tried his best to smile back.

They ordered quickly, Theo giving Liam recommendations and things to avoid (that swordfish wasn’t fresh when it came in two days ago, it’s definitely not fresh today). As they sat and waited for their food Liam looked down at the paper place mat. It had the Chinese zodiac on it, complete with fortune. Liam scanned the dates, trying to find out what his animal was.

‘What year were you born?’ Liam asked.

‘Trying to see if I’m too old for you?’ Theo teased.

‘What? No!’ Liam balked, blushing. He glanced up at Theo. ‘You don’t know. Maybe I like older guys.’

‘Oh, shots fired! Everybody down. Killer on the loose.’ Theo clasped his hands over his heart as if he’d been shot. Liam found himself laughing—the smile on his face was wide and came on its own.

‘I thought church people didn’t believe in fortune telling.’ Theo said.

‘Church people?’

‘Are you not church people?’

‘I’m a church person. I guess. Kinda.’

‘That’s cool.’ Theo smiled, trying to ease the small tension that was creeping back into the conversation.

‘I don’t think a place mat counts as a fortune.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe not. But there are other ways to see the future.’ Theo said.

‘Like a time machine?’

‘No,’ Theo laughed, ‘Like your palm.’

‘My palm?’

‘Sure. My sister’s into it. Here, let me look. I remember a bit of it.’ Theo held out his hand. Liam hesitated then felt his heart jump as he put his hand into Theo’s. The pink-haired boy gave him a soft smile and turned Liam’s hand over, so the back was resting in Theo’s hand and Liam’s palm was exposed.

Theo leaned in over Liam’s hand. Liam did his best not to jump when Theo traced his finger tips on the lines that crossed Liam’s palm. Liam’s eyes wandered to the tattoos on Theo’s neck—wings and claws. Something else that disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. The tattoos on his hands. His fingers. A rose. Some other designs Liam couldn’t make out clearly.

‘Long life life. Strong and healthy.’ Theo nodded. ‘Look this one is career. Kind of spotty at first then pretty solid. Might take you awhile to figure out your major in college or something. And here, that’s your heart line.’

‘Is it supposed to be so… fractured?’ Liam asked.

‘That’s just how it is sometimes.’ Theo said after a minute.

‘What is it supposed to mean?’

‘If the line is solid, the path is clear. When it’s broken it’s harder. To figure things out sometimes.’ Theo said. Liam felt a lump in his throat. Could Theo really tell all of this from random lines in his hand? It had to be an act.

‘You’re missing one.’ Theo said.

‘Where?’

‘Right up the middle. Fate line.’ Theo said as he let go of Liam’s hand and leaned back in the booth.

‘What’s that for?’ Liam asked, touching his palm where Theo’s fingers had lingered.

‘If it’s there, your fate it like a river—keep on course and it’ll all turn out.’

‘But you said I don’t have one. Does that mean I don’t have a fate?’

‘It’s just a trick, Killer. A game.’ Theo wet his lips with his tongue. Liam stared at his hand. Theo sighed.

‘It’s like being in the middle of the ocean. You can go in any direction. You choose your fate.’ Theo said as the waitress set their orders down on the table. After she left Liam glanced up at Theo.

‘You really believe that?’

‘Got to believe in something.’ Theo said before biting into an egg roll.

Talking to Theo was easy, almost relaxing. Everything he said had something to it. Again, Liam was reminded of Scott. He knew they were friends growing up, so maybe that explained why they were so alike in some ways. But so different in others. Scott always felt like he was excited. Ready to do something. Theo felt more at ease, but there was something just beneath the surface. Liam got a glimpse of it earlier before he’d yelled and startled half the restaurant. The animal inside the boy with pink hair felt very real at times. Very sharp and dangerous. But here, like this, it felt like Theo was different. Happy. On stage it felt like he was in so much pain. And anger. Liam was glad his random act of crazy had led him to the alleyway.

‘You’re a thinker, aren’t you.’ Theo poked at the last sweet and sour chicken ball on his plate.

‘What? No.’

‘I don’t mean that you like to think things over. I mean you get tied up in knots. Up here.’ Theo touched his own temple.

‘I guess.’ Liam said.

‘So what’s got you all twisted up?’ Theo asked.

‘You have friends.’ Liam said.

‘That I do.’ Theo winked.

‘I… don’t. Kind of. I mean, I do. But they’re new. And I don’t know if they like me very much.’ Liam said.

‘The ones the other night?’ Theo asked. Liam nodded.

‘Seemed to like you just fine.’ Theo said. The edge was back. Just a hint of it.

‘We just started hanging out. I don’t know them very well.’ Liam said.

‘What about Brett?’

Liam felt his gut turn cold at the mention of the tall boy.

‘Sorry.’ Theo held up a hand, ‘Sorry. I was just curious. He doesn’t talk about you either when I ask.’

‘You asked him about me?’ Liam frowned. This time Theo blushed—clearly caught off guard. He tossed the last morsel from his plate into the air and caught it with his mouth.

‘Gonna eat the rest?’ Theo asked, looking at the third plate of food he’d ordered Liam. The boy shook his head. The waitress was there suddenly, giving Theo a take away box. After Theo was finished he looked up at Liam.

‘Tea?’

‘I should go.’ Liam said.

‘If you wait a bit my sister can give you a ride. She’s usually late though, so it might be better to walk. Unless you’re going all the way back into the burbs.’ Theo chuckled.

Liam glanced as the door.

‘Shit, you are, aren’t you?’ Theo leaned back in the booth. ‘Damn man, don’t you got wheels?’

‘I had a bike but it got stolen a few weeks ago.’ Liam said.

‘Where?’

‘I went everywhere with it. I—‘

‘No, where was it stolen?’

‘Outside the flower place on Clyde.’ Liam said, ‘But it was weeks ago.’

Theo tossed a handful of crumpled bills on the table and stood up.

‘Where are you going?’ Liam asked, glancing back as the waitress collected the money and the plates.

‘Follow me.’ Theo said, thanking the waitress on the way out with a wave. He paused to grab a handful of fruit candies by the cash register before pushing open the door.

The heat outside was more manageable now that the sun as setting. Theo shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way down the road, deeper into the realm of cracked pavement and abandoned buildings. Liam followed close on his heels, saying nothing as the pink-haired boy greeted several people, and cussed out a few others. Liam watched as Theo knelt down by a homeless man with a small cardboard sign asking for change.

‘How’s it today, Georgie?’ Theo asked.

‘Same as yesterday.’ The man’s voice sounded a bit raw, as if he’d been screaming. 

‘Hungry?’ Theo asked. The man nodded and Theo gave him the take away box.

‘Couple egg rolls. Some noodles. Ginger beef.’ Theo set a plastic fork on top of the box.

‘I’ll be by tomorrow if you’re in these parts.’ Theo said as he got to his feet. Georgie nodded. He was focused on opening the box and getting at the food inside.

As they continued their journey Liam began to wonder where they were going. He’d already brushed off youth group. And Mason. And who knows what else work his dad would foist off on him. As soon as he got home he was going to be dropped into boiling water. And here he was following Theo deeper and deeper into a place that was pretty much the exact opposite of where he should be going. Still, he felt like he needed to follow. That turning away would change things. Everything. So he kept quiet, and when Theo stepped off the sidewalk and cut through a footpath to a rickety looking house, Liam was right behind him.

Theo knocked on the door. Inside Liam could hear many voices yelling and shouting. A TV blaring. Theo turned back to Liam and gave him a grin. This time he pounded on the door and shouted.

‘Police, open the fucking door!’

The reaction was immediate—the door swung open and an angry young man with dark hair and eyes glared out at them. He softened when he saw Theo’s pink hair.

‘Jesus H. Christ, Theo! You can’t fucking do that. Cops and brown dudes do not mix!’ The boy gave Theo a shove.

‘Sorry.’ Theo said. A sincere apology. A promise not to repeat his mistake. ‘We good?’

‘Truth.’ Josh said with a snort.

‘This is Josh.’ Theo said to Liam.

‘Fuckin’ crazy.’ Josh said, corner of his mouth twisting into a grin. ‘Who’s this?’

‘This is Killer.’ Theo said. Liam held his hand up, unsure why they were there but wanting to be polite.

‘Hi.’

‘Don’t seem like a killer.’

‘Oh, he is. Believe it, man.’ Theo said, ‘In fact, he’s been pissed for past couple days.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. Guess his bike got stolen from up on Clyde Street.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Josh scanned the street, looking for something.

‘Yup.’

‘You seen Jorge?’ Josh asked. Theo shook his head. Josh visibly relaxed. He waved them inside.

As soon as the door was closed the house fell quiet. Liam blinked at the eight children staring at them with curious faces.

‘Teo!’ A little girl no more than four ran over and wrapped herself around Theo’s leg.

‘Hey, Jaz. I got to talk to Josh real quick, okay?’ Theo said.

She pouted.

‘I have something for you. But you got to share.’ Theo whispered. She nodded, eyes the size of saucers as she stepped back and Theo reached into his pocket. He motioned for her to hold out her hands as he dumped a fistful of candies into them. The other kids were there in an instant. Liam was sure they were going to break out into a feeding frenzy with so much sugar so close. Instead he watched as the little girl coached them onto the floor in a circle, even the older ones, and went around distributing the candy for everyone to share.

Josh rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face gave him away.

‘C’mon.’

They went out the back into a fenced yard. Liam watched as Josh went to a pile of bikes and grabbed a flash light. He hit it a few times until it turned on.

‘See if it’s in there.’ He said to Liam.

Liam scanned the frames until he found his bike. It was buried under a few other ones—all nicer than his own.

‘There.’

Josh went to work getting it out. When it was free he set it upright and worked the peddles. 

‘Looks okay.’ Josh said, glancing at Theo. ‘We good?’

‘Right as the sun and the moon.’

‘Truth.’ Josh nodded.

Liam went over his bike as the boys whispered to each other. Josh glanced up at Liam once more before looking back at Theo. They clasped hands and moved in a way that reminded Liam of a secret handshake, and a street greeting. Josh raised his chin to Liam as he disappeared inside. Liam waved.

‘C’mon.’ Theo said, leading him back around the house and up the road. When they got a few blocks away at the top of the hill, Theo stopped.

‘This is as far as I can take you, Killer. Rest is all you.’ Theo said.

Liam bit his lip. Part of him wanted to stay with Theo. To follow him home. To spend more time with him. He tried to put it into words, the hidden desire inside. But he couldn’t.

‘Okay.’

‘Hey, what’s with the doom and gloom?’ Theo asked, ‘We’re fuckin’ punk, not goth!’

Liam chuckled.

Theo reached into his pocket and pulled out an orange flyer. It was full of violent scrawling that Liam struggled to make out. There was one thing that was clear—Chimera. And a date and location.

‘You gonna come ‘round?’ Theo asked.

‘My friends—‘

‘Not asking about them. I’m asking if you, Killer Liam Dunbar, is gonna come see me play.’

‘Is it still playing when you’re just singing?’ Liam asked. Theo snorted and shook his head. There was something in his eyes. A look. He opened his mouth like he was about to speak, then hung his head. When he brought it up again he was smiling.

‘Hope I see you again, Killer. Stay safe.’ Theo pointed up the road.

‘Me too. I mean, you too. I mean, okay.’ Liam babbled. Theo smiled and shook his head as he walked off to the small nest of houses clustered at the end of the street.

Liam got on his bike and began to peddle. He knew he was going to get it back when he got home, but right now he didn’t care about anything. He’d spent the day with Theo. Talked to him. And Theo had gotten his bike back. Even more, Theo himself had invited him to their next show. Liam knew that no matter what happened he was going to find a way to go. Even if it meant going by himself.

_###_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam's dad confronts him about matters the church deems serious and he's roped into spying on his friends at school. At the same time Liam comes to the brink of his own frightening revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit early from scheduled updating! But hey, live a little. Or something.
> 
> Forgive the spelling mistakes, I just wrote this and I'm not even giving it a once over. So hopefully it all makes sense, too!
> 
> Next update will be Aug 25/18
> 
> ;)

‘Sit down.’

Liam hung in the doorway to the kitchen. His dad was at the kitchen table, reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His hair was greasy, and his shirt was creased, like he’d slept in it.

Liam kept his head down as he pulled out the chair at the far end of the table. It was best to keep quiet. Speak only when he was spoken to. He hadn’t meant to miss youth group, but it wasn’t like there was a lack of people that could run the meetings. The last one Liam had been to was the worst one yet, where all the kids circled sins in pre-planned sections of the bible. They weren’t anything his dad hadn’t hammered into his head by this point, but the gleeful look on the faces of kids and other teenagers as they circled passages and announced who they’d condemn for the sin (and get a small chocolate bar as a reward), it was too much for Liam to handle. He’d left feeling sick to his stomach.

Liam could hear the tick of the clock fill the room. His father sat, hands folded, like he was waiting for something. When he was younger Liam would have tried to guess what he was in trouble for. Which was always a mistake—adding layers to a punishment already decided on in his father’s mind.

‘I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that there’s been something troubling going on behind closed doors in this town.’ His father’s voice was measured—like he didn’t want to give anything away. His eyes were locked on Liam’s face, trying to see if anything he said got a reaction.

‘No.’ Liam said. Besides the usual church business there had been some long meetings, but he really had no idea what was going on.

His father studied his face for another few seconds before taking his glasses of and setting them on the table. 

‘One of the teachers at your school is a deviant.’

Liam felt the air catch in his lungs. He focused on keeping still. No moving. Not saying anything, even though his dad was leaving him space to fill with words.

‘It seems one of our congregation came into some knowledge that Mr. Hale is in a homosexual relationship with a former student. Several parents have come to me to intervene.’

Liam’s mind was numb. Mr. Hale was gay? And dating someone he went to school with? Or used to. Mr. Hale was barely old enough to be a teacher. Were teachers not allowed to date students after they graduated? If it was one of the other teachers Liam would be grossed out. Mr. Hale was always nice, if not a bit gruff. Still, it made him feel weird. What if it was Mason? But Mason wasn’t gay. And he hadn’t graduated. Who then? Mr. Hale hadn’t been teaching for that long. Maybe Scott knew something. Except Scott wasn’t there. Just his dad, who was looking at him for some kind of reaction.

‘That’s pretty bad.’ Liam said. His dad nodded to himself. 

‘Is that why you’ve been spending more time at the church?’

‘Yes, Liam. Very observant.’ The sharpness was back so fast it almost made Liam flinch. ‘You haven’t seen anything suspicious at school, have you? Signs that Mr. Hale is pushing his deviant lifestyle on other students?’

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘You’re sure of that.’

‘Yes sir, I’ve only ever seen him teach biology.’ Liam said. His father leaned back in his chair. His fingers grabbed a worn, yellow pencil and started to tap it against the pad of paper in front of him. 

‘What’s… What’re you going to do?’ Liam asked. As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted speaking. Narrowed eyes were on him again, pressing down with an invisible weight before they finally relaxed.

‘A sermon. For now. There aren’t a lot of avenues open to us for now unfortunately, with the law being what it is. How does he speak to you?’

‘Mr. Hale?’

‘Yes.’

‘He gets mad if I’m late. But I’m not late a lot. He’s… he explains things if I don’t understand.’ Liam said.

‘Is there any student that he favours above the others? Any one at all?’ 

Mason.

‘No.’ Liam said. ‘Well, he does like to punish the troublemakers.’

His dad grunted.

‘Keep an eye out. If you notice anything, anything at all, tell me. Do you understand, Liam?’

Liam nodded.

‘Liam.’

‘Yes, I understand.’

‘Good.’ Notebooks and papers were gathered up. As he passed Liam, his dad held out his hand. Hesitating. Then let it rest on the teen’s shoulder, giving an awkward squeeze. Reassurance maybe. But Liam was inclined to think of it like a reminder. A constricting snake that could easily crush the life from him in a flash of movement if it wished.

Liam waited until he heard his dad’s footsteps disappear upstairs before he let loose the breath help tight in his chest. Mason and Mr. Hale—it was impossible. But there were things Mason didn’t tell him. That was no surprise, since Liam was notoriously anti-social. Except the meeting they all had the other day, Mr. Hale seemed to think Liam would be there and Mason had even said he wasn’t going to be included. What were they meeting about? Was it connected to what his father just told him?

Liam made his way upstairs quietly. He slipped out of his sweat-stained clothes and headed to the bathroom. His mind raced as he turned on the water and waited for the shower to heat up. It didn’t feel like Mason was keeping a secret like dating a teacher from him. It felt like something else. Either way, if anyone found out about it, it could cause a lot of trouble for Mason and Mr. Hale. And all of his new friends. The ones that had left him out of their secret meeting. Part of Liam, deep down, thought of telling his dad just to make them pay for casting him aside, but he shook the thought away quickly. It made him feel sick that part of him would even think of that.

The shower didn’t calm him down. He barely felt the hot water as all his thoughts tumbled together. He wanted to call Scott, but it was so late now. His mind wandered to Theo. What would he do in this situation? Probably tell everyone to go fuck themselves and stomp off. That was based on the Theo he saw on stage. The Theo he’d met that evening was different. Soft and caring. But it felt like he was an animal trying to hide a wound the entire time. Like he couldn’t let Liam too close. And in the moments he did, like when he smiled for real, or laughed openly, it felt like there was caution there.

Liam stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. Nothing made sense. The moment Mason had dragged him to see Chimera everything had started to fall apart. His mind was drawn back a handful of years ago. Blinding rage, slick and black, filling him up. Fist clenched around broken glass. Trying to explain things and failing. The scripture his father forced him to learn. Memorize. Something to save his soul in dark times. Except they hadn’t helped him in the past, and now they were hollow words attached to bad memories. A different time in his life when things had fallen apart, just like now.

Sleep came quickly, but the dreams it carried were far from soothing. Memories and faces mixed in. Small hands. A beer bottle. Eyes that looked at him, hurt and full of tears. Not his eyes. Who’s? He didn’t remember. The rest was a blur—strange shapes and screaming songs that felt like running his tongue across a sharp razor. Painful release.

When Liam woke it felt like he hadn’t slept in two days.

###

‘I need to talk to you.’ Liam said as he came to a stop beside Mason. The other boy was at one of the cafeteria tables surrounded by Nolan, Danny, Kira, and Corey. They were smiling and joking. Liam had been watching them all day, trying to figure out what they were meeting about. Why they’d left him out. By the time lunch came around his nerves were overlapping and tangled tight.

‘I haven’t even started to eat my lunch.’ Mason said, turning to the others, ‘Anyway, we were listening to the first set—‘

‘Mason.’ Liam felt the name tumble from his lips. He saw the other boy freeze suddenly, words stopping mid-sentence. Mason didn’t say anything else. He took Liam’s arm and walked him out of the cafeteria. Liam was confused as Mason glanced up and down the halls before guiding Liam outdoors, to one of the empty picnic tables by a large oak tree.

‘Alright. Calm down.’ Mason said.

‘I’m calm.’ Liam said. Mason searched his face before nodding.

‘Good. Okay. So, what’s bothering you?’

‘Nothing is bothering me.’ Liam said.

‘Liam, I’ve known you since we were like eleven. I know when… never mind. What did you want to talk about?’

Now that he had Mason alone and ready to talk all the questions Liam had vanished. When he tried to grab hold of one it slipped through his fingers and disappeared. After several seconds of silence Mason sighed. 

‘I can’t spend all lunch guessing what’s up. You got to use your words here, dude.’ Mason gave him an encouraging smile. But it was thin. Like Liam had used up too much of his friend’s patience over the years. Like Mason was only an inch away from not having time for him.

Liam turned away. It was easier if he wasn’t looking directly at his friend.

‘My dad was asking me questions last night.’ he heard Mason shift in his seat.

‘What kind of questions?’

‘About Mr. Hale.’

Silence. Liam licked his lips. Why was his throat so dry? Why was this so hard to do?

‘What did he want to know?’

‘He said… You know how he is.’

‘How is he, Liam?’

Liam shrugged. Mason said nothing. Liam could feel him waiting. Just like when he was being interrogated in the kitchen last night. He hated the feeling. He hated that there was some kind of invisible wall between him and Mason. Something that kept them apart. He hated that it made him feel small. Like he was the last one to get the joke, or the person that everyone forgot about until after the fact. A crumb. A scrap to be tossed aside. The anger was thin and brittle. Easy to snap and drown in the questions he wanted to ask.

‘He’s an… an asshole.’ Liam stammered, earning a snort from Mason.

‘What about you?’

‘We’re friends. Aren’t we?’ Liam asked, looking over his shoulder. Mason’s eyes were off somewhere else as he tore apart a long blade of grass between his fingers.

‘Mason, I don’t want you to get in trouble.’ 

‘Why would I get in trouble?’

‘My dad said… he said Mr. Hale was involved with a student.’

‘And you believe him?’

‘Well he said former student.’

‘And that’s his business how?’

‘It’s not, I guess.’ Liam’s cheeks burned in embarrassment. This wasn’t how he pictured this unfolding.

‘Then why does it matter?’ Mason said, getting up from the picnic table and heading back to the school.

‘It matters!’ Liam said. How could he explain it to his friend, when Mason was always thinking in logical, straightforward ways.

‘Last year there was this family that came to our church. They weren’t very well off. We all take turns handling the collection plate. It’s good to share responsibility.’ Liam said, ‘One month the money collected went missing. The mother of the family was in charge of the plate that month. And the next day they come to church in a new van. Everyone was talking about it. How she stole the money, how the family was using it to buy things. Everyone hated her. They… they were so mean. Even to the kids. It got so bad they left the church. Then after, they found the money was deposited in the wrong account. It wasn’t the mother’s fault at all. But it didn’t matter, Mason. Because they decided she was bad, and they made her pay for it.’

Mason’s face was drawn into a frown, like he was seeing Liam for the first time in his life and the teenager had just started talking to him out of the blue.

‘Do you get it?’ Liam asked.

Mason nodded.

‘Mr. Hale—‘

‘You think I should stay away from him.’

‘I think you should be careful.’

‘Because he’s gay.’ Mason didn’t hide the bite in his tone. Liam’s teeth clenched shut. Several dirty words flashed in his mind. None of them were helpful. He pushed them away.

‘It doesn’t matter if he is.’

‘But you know he is. Your dad wouldn’t have left that out.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So now what? You’ll stop going to biology?’

‘I wish.’ Liam laughed. Mason’s face didn’t move. Not even a smile.

‘Nothing. Now nothing. I’m just trying to tell you how my dad thinks. How… how he’ll look for anything to tear you apart. Crush you. Until you do what you’re told.’ Liam said.

Mason’s expression softened then. His shoulders sagged, like he’d been carrying something heavy.

‘Is it true?’ Liam almost bit his tongue—why did he ask that? Mason was right, it was none of his business. Except… he wanted to know. Needed to know. For some reason.

‘What if it was?’ 

‘I dunno.’

‘Would you tell your dad?’

‘He’d probably already know.’

Mason shoved his hands in his pocket.

‘Ask Derek.’

‘Is he the guy with Mr. Hale?’

‘He is Mr. Hale.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said, ‘Why can’t you tell me?’

‘It’s not my thing to tell.’ Mason smiled finally. They started to walk back to the school together.

‘You alright?’ He asked. Liam frowned.

‘You don’t have to check on me all the time. I’m not a little kid.’

‘Sorry. Liam. I just thought because… you seemed upset in the cafeteria.’

‘I was. I am. Kinda. I dunno.’

‘Okay.’

‘Liam?’ Mason said as he gripped the door handle, ‘We okay?’

‘We’re okay.’ Liam’s smile was small, but genuine. He didn’t get any of the answers he wanted but Mason did point him to where he could find some. Except Liam didn’t know if he had the courage to speak to Mr. Hale… Derek… directly. It did feel like something bad was going to happen. And though Liam hated biology, he did like his teacher, and it wasn’t fair to not warn him. But if his dad found out, he’d be in more trouble than if he died his hair pink and started a punk band.

What would Theo do, Liam wondered. If Theo had a question, he would ask it. Maybe that’s what he needed to do then. There was still half and hour left of lunch, if Liam was lucky, Mr. Hale would be in his room.

###

A locked door was all Liam found. He’d have to find Mr. Hale tomorrow, since he didn’t have biology until then. What had Mason called him? Derek. It was weird to think that teachers had actual first names. Well, he knew they had to. But it felt kind of forbidden to call a teacher by their first name. Either way he’d have to warn Derek like he’d warned Mason. And maybe ask him some things.

As Liam cut around the corner of the school and headed outside he saw Mr. Hale across the parking lot speaking with someone. Liam frowned—the guy he was talking to looked familiar. As he got a little bit closer he recognized the pale, skinny guy who Scott had introduced him to the other night. Stiles or something. And Liam was pretty sure they were flirting. Or Stiles was, and Mr. Hale just glared at him. Until suddenly Stiles winked and turned to go and the teacher grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a quick kiss.

Liam’s heart leapt to his throat as he watched them. Part of him felt bad—he definitely shouldn’t be spying on such a private moment. But they were technically in public, so that kind of made it okay? Liam forced himself to blink—it felt like his bones were itchy. Like there was something listing to the side in him, throwing him off balance. Seeing Derek and Stiles kiss was definitely different from when he’d caught Kira and Malia for some reason. When Liam shook his reverie off he glanced back to the parking lot. A beat up jeep was leaving and Mr. Hale and Stiles were gone. Well, now he had his answer. And a whole host of feelings that confused him.

Stiles was a former student? He was the same age as Scott, so it made sense. It made Liam feel a bit uneasy. But also they were clearly in love. Or something. Whatever people felt when they kissed like that. And Mason did have a point—it was technically none of Liam’s business. Or the church’s. Or anyone’s.

It took him fifteen minutes to find a payphone, and another two to fish out a coin from his book bag.

‘Yello.’ Scott said on the other end after the dial finished. Liam could hear the echo of punk music in the background.

‘Liam! How’s my platonic bro date doing?’

‘Are you busy?’

‘Not really. Liam, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. I just, I’m kind of freaking out. Just a little bit.’

‘Where are you?’

‘Couple blocks from school. By the laundromat.’

‘Okay, chill. I’ll be there in a few minutes.’ Scott said before he hung up.

Liam found a quiet bench under a tree and sat in the shade. Suddenly everything was swirling around him in a storm of confusion. He knew what his dad would say about all of this, about everything. He could picture the faces of every body in the congregation sneering. Spitting. Yelling. It felt like claws raking his insides, catching on bone. What did it all mean? What was he supposed to do? Why did he feel so differently when he saw Stiles kiss his biology teacher? A quiet, patient part of him stood close by with the answer, but he pushed it away. Before he could banish it totally he pictured pink hair and tattoos. The smell of leather and sweat. Theo leaning close—

Liam shook his head. He was losing it. He was going crazy. He always knew there was something wrong with him and now his mind was actually unraveling. He wished he was on an airplane and could open the exit and jump out of all the chaos. At least then he would be able to think and make sense of the world again.

He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply, keeping his shoulders relaxed. The sound of birds singing and cars going by filled his ears. Voices of people passing by. Walking. Laughing. A familiar voice. Two of them.

Liam opened his eyes and craned his neck to look down the street. It was impossible not to spot Brett due to his height, but Liam was surprised to see Nolan. It looked like they’d bumped into each other. Liam felt the familiar sting of anger—Brett could be such a dick. As Liam started to get up he froze at the sound of Nolan’s laughter. As he sank back onto the bench he watched them from a distance. Brett seemed awkward and unsure. Nolan was downright bashful and not talking a mile a minute. They spoke for a few more minutes, too far for Liam to hear, and then went their separate ways. Had there always been so much going on around him?

‘Hey, Liam!’ Scott collapsed onto the bench beside him, making him jump.

‘Oh sorry. I thought you heard me.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said.

‘So what’s up?’

‘Can we go… somewhere?’

Scott frowned as his head tilted. ‘Sure! I got the perfect spot!’

###

The arcade was mostly empty. There were one or two kids hanging around, scrounging up quarters between them to beat high scores. Liam relaxed when he noticed where was only one middle-aged woman chewing gum loudly behind the main counter. Scott made a bee-line for a game in the back. Clearly he’d been here before.

Liam tossed his bag down as Scott grabbed a plastic space gun from the side of a huge game and aimed at at the screen.

‘C’mon. I put enough in for two players.’

Liam eyed the plastic laster.

‘Dude. You can come scream your head off at a punk show, get a black eye, and almost break curfew but you can’t join your pal in a good old fashioned space bug hunt?’ Scott pouted. Liam shocked his head and grabbed the laser—couldn’t confuse him any more than he already was. In fact, as the game started Liam felt all of his worries back off.

They didn’t talk beyond pointing out targets or recounting impressive feats of fake-laser take downs (or epic fails, of which Liam had several). Even so, Liam found himself relaxing. Only after Scott slammed his last quarter into the slot and they had the final battle with the alien queen grub did Liam realize they’d been playing for over an hour.

‘Aw, no!’ Scott said as the alien won and tore his character in two. ‘So close!’

Scott holstered the laser and went around the corner. Liam grabbed his bag and holstered his laser before following. He found Scott at one of the small side tables drinking a coke. When Liam got close, Scott tossed him a can.

‘You come here a lot?’ Liam asked as he opened his drink.

‘Naw. Well, I used to.’ Scott said, ‘Had a couple of tough years in high school. And junior high. And before.’

‘Sorry.’ Liam said. Scott flashed him a smile that was more for his benefit than anything.

‘My dad, he wasn’t a great… dad.’ Scott said, leaning back in his chair. ‘Can you play the guitar?’

‘A bit. But not very good.’

‘See, everyone can play the guitar!’ Scott said, ‘But some people are better than others. Some people, they can pick one up for the first time and bam! Electric Mozart!’

Scott worked the meal tab off the top of his can. ‘Other people, they try and try, but they’re just not good at it. It’s not for them. Get it?’

Liam shook his head.

‘Almost anyone can be a parent, Liam. But that doesn’t mean everyone is good at it. Or even should be.’ Scott aimed for the recycling bin and lobbed his can. It hit the side and bounced off onto the floor.

‘Kids aren’t guitars.’ Liam muttered.

‘No, they’re not.’ Scott nodded. The way his eyes got distant and the expression on his face reminded Liam of Theo—at least small fractions of emotions the other boy kept hidden where there to read fully in Scott’s face.

‘So what’s bumming you out? Girl problems?’ Scott flashed a grin.

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Guy problems, then.’ Scott chuckled. Liam clammed up and dropped his eyes.

‘Whoa! Hey. Uhh, that was a joke. I meant like, maybe you and Mason were on the outs.’ Scott said.

‘I don’t think we are.’ Liam said. It was the truth—he wasn’t sure of anything lately.

‘That’s not it though.’

‘No. I think…’ Liam bit his tongue until he tasted blood. Something he hadn’t down in years. The metallic tang snapped him to his senses—what had he been about to say? He wasn’t sure, but he’d managed to avoid it.

‘My dad hates gays.’ Liam mumbled. Scott didn’t move. His entire body was still but Liam could feel the attention focused entirely on him. There was no puppy dog tilt of the head. No wide eyes. Just waiting.

‘He knows that one of our teachers is… gay. And he’s going out with a guy who used to be his student.’

Scott sucked in a breath and crossed his arms.

‘I told Stiles to be more discrete.’ Scott grumbled.

‘You knew?’

‘Stiles… you remember Stiles? He’s my best friend. Like a brother. When me and him and Theo were—‘ Scott shook off the memory, ‘That doesn’t matter. But yes, I knew Stiles was going out with Derek. Does it upset you?’

‘Were they… I mean, Mason said it was none of my business. But..’

‘That’s fair. And true. But I get the feeling there’s a different reason you’re asking, maybe.’ Scott said. ‘Which is cool. We can talk. If there’s something I can’t say I just won’t say.’

‘Okay. Sure. Yeah.’ Liam said, leaning forward. ‘Is it true that Stiles was a student when they were going out?’

‘Hell no.’ Scott said, ‘Stiles wanted to so much. It drove me crazy. Derek wouldn’t even pay attention to him until a few months ago.’

‘Is he the same age as you?’

‘Yeah. We graduated almost three years ago now.’

‘So Stiles was never a student when him and Derek… did it.’

Scott burst out laughing. Once he got himself under control he glanced up at Liam.

‘You’re amazing, dude. Seriously. Never change.’

Liam smiled a bit. It was hard not to when Scott was around.

‘No,’ Scott said, ‘They just started to go out. And Stiles is crazy smart. Not as smart as Lydia, but he never took bio with Derek. Though he did try to drop advanced physics to get into his class once! He was crushing hard.’

‘Okay.’ Liam said. That made him feel better about it for some reason.

‘Does that clear things up a bit?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I’m going to go out on a limb and say the fact you thought Stiles was a student going out with his teacher was worse than them both being guys. Am I right?’

Liam chewed on his lip. He knew what his dad said. What he’d been saying since Liam could remember, about deviants and homosexuals. But it felt wrong. And it made Liam’s head hurt when he thought about it. But he was pretty sure Scott was right.

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded.

‘Good.’ 

‘That’s good?’ Liam felt the urge to laugh but held it in.

‘Dude, no way a teacher should be dating a student. Especially not in high school! That’s so wrong. But it means you got your head on straight.’ Scott said.

‘So you’re okay with it? With Stiles being… gay.’

‘Stiles is Stiles. I love him like a brother. I accept him for who he is. And who he sleeps with is none of my business.’ 

‘Yeah. That… makes sense.’ Liam nodded to himself. Still, something that Scott said earlier had been nagging at him.

‘What about you?’ Liam asked. He’d almost said Theo, but thought better of it at the last second. Liam hated to be so blunt. It was dangerous. People might yell, or get upset. Or misunderstand his reason for asking a question in the first place. But Scott kept mentioning Theo. And Allison had joked that Theo was an ex. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe it wasn’t. But Liam couldn’t shake the feeling there was something there.

‘Are you asking if I’m gay?’

‘No! I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m asking. I’m just confused. I just want… I want people to talk to me. But I don’t know how. I always mess it up. Except with…’ Liam’s eyes darted to Scott. The older boy tilted his head.

‘Except with Theo.’

‘You’ve been hanging out with Theo.’ A statement. Not a question.

‘Not really. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Real bad. Like… But Theo was there. And there was a cat. And he got my bike back.’

‘Theo Raeken spent time with you.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And he got your stolen bike back.’

‘Yes.’

‘That’s it?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. It’s just.. nothing.’

‘Was I not supposed to do that? You all made Chimera sound so cool. Isn’t Theo the head of the band?’

‘Lead singer. Yeah. But Chimera is the whole group. And Theo’s just one part of it.’

‘So I shouldn’t hang out with him?’ Liam asked, His stomach twisted in knots.

‘No, no, that’s not it. Liam, you can spend time with anyone you want. If anyone ever tells you different, even me, don’t believe that shit.’ Scott said, ‘But with Theo… just be careful. Okay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Cool.’

Scott nodded and lead in close.

‘Do you know what pansexual means?’

‘You get off on cookware?’

Scott snorted.

‘No. It means you’re attracted to all genders.’

‘Isn’t that the same as bisexual?’

‘Only if there were two genders in the world.’ Scott said.

‘Oh.’ Liam frowned.

‘We’ll maybe talk about that a different time.’

‘So you’re a pansexual?’

‘Just pansexual. Yeah.’ 

‘So you and Allison…’

Scott nodded.

‘And you and… a guy?’

Scott nodded again.

‘And other people. That are different genders.’ Liam said, earning a smile from the older boy, ‘But no frying pans.’

‘No frying pans.’ Scott made a face. ‘Gimme a saucy sauce pan any day of the week.’

Liam laughed.

‘You okay?’

‘Honestly? I don’t really know.’ Liam said. ‘I think there’s something wrong with me.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘No. I just… I want to get over it.’

‘Liam…’

‘It’s okay. I mean, it’ll all be fine. Right? Things are fine.’

Scott leaned back in his chair.

‘C’mon. I’ll give you a ride back.’ Scott said, grabbing Liam’s bag and handing it to him.

‘Sure you’re okay? With Stiles and Derek, and me?’ Scott said.

‘I’m sure. Because you’re good. And Stiles is your friend, so he must be good too.’ Liam said. He didn’t add mention that it made Theo good, too. He didn’t want Scott to worry about whatever had happened between them so long ago. Maybe Allison wasn’t joking, and they were boyfriends, or whatever pansexual people got to be with each other.

Liam glanced at Scott. He could feel the unspoken question weighing down the older boy’s shoulders. Before it could slip past his lips Liam grabbed his book bag.

‘Race you to the car!’

Scott beamed, question forgotten as Liam tore out of the arcade.

‘It’s on!’

###


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam speaks to Mason about Kira and doesn't get the reaction he expects. Intent on seeing Theo again, Liam sneaks out to a punk show by himself, but finds he might have walked into a situation he can't handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a day late! Apologies! Lyfe(tm) stuff came up and derailed me for a bit. But here are some words to make up for it:
> 
> kiwi. pineapple. slow burn. soft bois. hurt bois. platypus.
> 
> ;)

Today was the day. He was going to do it. He’d thought about it for too long to let it go any longer. He was going to find Mason and tell him that Kira was cheating on him. Secretly. Without telling him with who. And also not lying. He didn’t know how exactly he was going to do it, but he was going to do it. Right now. Because Mason was sitting three feet away and Liam had already stammered something about needing to tell him something. And Mason, he had this look on his face. Kind of hopeful? Maybe a little anxious. 

Liam’s palms were sweating. His everything was sweating. He tried to remember what Scott had told him but no words came when he tried to recall them. Instead all that would come to mind was Theo’s smile. How nervous and relaxed he felt with the other boy. Liam fought to push the thought from his mind—this was about Mason’s heart getting broken, and in a way it was Liam who was doing it. Except not really. But maybe, kinda.

‘So?’ Mason raised an eyebrow. They’d left the school at lunch to walk down to one of the fast-food places but had ended up in a record store. He’d never been anywhere that had to do with music with Mason before, but he guessed since they’d dragged him to the punk show a few weeks back his friend considered his horizons more expanded. Mason had been rifling through some old records (‘this is a rare pressing, Liam’) and talking about the history of punk (‘sure, a lot of early punk was UK but really the Sonics were like, the roots of punk’) while Liam nodded as every word went over his head. He’d meant to bring up the topic gently but instead he’d just blurted out words.

‘Ummm, you know Kira?’

‘Yes, Liam. She’s my girlfriend.’ Mason said, turning away. Clearly this was just one of Liam’s socially award moments.

‘Are you like, in love with her?’

‘What?’

‘Just, what is being in love?’

‘Liam, I can usually decipher the weird shit you say but I got to tell you right now I’m drawing a blank.’ Mason said.

‘We’re teenagers, right? What do we even know about being in love! Like, Kira’s not your soulmate or one true love or anything. Right?’

‘Liam, you need to breathe. And I don’t know what you’re talking about. I like Kira. She’s cool.’

‘Yeah. I mean, I know she’s cool. She wicked cool.’

‘Wicked cool?’

‘But that doesn’t mean she’s always doing cool things, ya know?’

‘No, Liam, I don’t. And I’m going to chalk this entire moment up to a “Liam babbling like a crazy person” occurrence unless you can actually come out and say what you mean.’ Mason turned and went to one of the bins across the aisle and started to flip through the records.

‘I saw her.’ Liam said.

‘We’ve established you have eyes. Good talk.’

‘I saw her. With someone.’ Liam said. Mason paused then continued to flip through the records in the bin in front of him.

‘So? She has a lot of friends.’

‘Mase, I know you’re like a hundred times smarter than I am. You know what I mean.’

Liam wasn’t expecting Mason to whirl around so fast, or the angry look on his best friend’s face.

‘Did it ever occur to you that maybe I already know, Liam? Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, the world is bigger than the tiny, inflexible, popsicle stick model your dad taught you?’

‘I don’t—‘

‘I know you _don’t_ , Liam. You never do.’

‘Mase, I know you’re upset about Kira—‘

‘God! I’m not upset about Kira. I’m pissed that you just assume that things are a certain way because you can’t see anything past the way you were raised.’ Mason poked him in the chest. Lightly. Still, it was enough to make Liam’s brow draw into a frown. He was trying to help, how had things gone so wrong?

‘So you’re okay with Kira like, being with other people?’

‘Yes! Shit dude, it’s called an open relationship. Not that it’s any of your business!’

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t know, how could I know?’

‘Maybe ask?’

‘I just thought… I didn’t want you to get hurt. You’re my friend.’

Mason sighed.

‘I’m gonna take off.’ Mason hiked his book bag over his shoulder, ‘I’ll see you in school.’

‘Mase…’ Liam’s hand went slack as he watched his friend push out the door. The little bell faded, leaving him alone in the record store. The lone cashier was leaning against the shelf behind the counter, giant headphones blaring King Crimson (which Mason told him, was definitely not punk). They gave no reaction to Mason’s outburst.

There was no way he could go back to school now. Not like this. Liam wasn’t even angry. He was confused. And something else. Hurt. Very hurt. And frustrated. He pushed it all away, like wiping a slate clean. Instead of going back to school he dropped his book bag and started flipping through records. He grabbed the first one he came across, took it out, read every word on it, and then put it back to grab the one behind it. When he was done the bin, he took a step to the right and started with the next bin. Minutes turned into hours and Liam was happy to have something simple to focus on. Something that made sense.

‘Liam?’ The voice startled him. 

‘Hey Danny. Skipping?’

‘Liam, school’s been out for like half an hour.’

‘Oh. What’re you doing here?’

‘I work here. You okay? You don’t look okay.’

‘I’m okay I guess.’

_Liar._

‘Or maybe I’m not.’ He mumbled.

‘C’mon. We got to get you out of here.’ Danny took his elbow to guide him gently.

‘Out of the store?’

‘Out of Adult Contemporary, dude. Every second you’re there your rep dies a little.’ Danny smirked.

‘My rep?’

‘Yeah, the stuff people say when you’re not around.’

‘I know what one is. I think. I just didnt know I had one.’

‘Liam, you walked around with a black eye for like, a week and got away with it. You got front stage at Chimera! And you met them the first time you went there. Plus Brett seems to hate you so that helps.’

‘Helps?’

‘Make you look bad ass! That guy is smokin’ hot and cool as shit. If he’s got issues with you, you gotta be someone. Just sayin’.’ 

‘People think I’m badass?’

‘Well, punk people. You’re all “prim and proper” by day and all “fuck the institution” by night. Like a god damn spy! It’s awesome!’ Danny smiled as they came to a stop by a wall of t-shirts.

‘Oh.’

‘I thought you were hanging with Mason? Where is he?’

‘He had to go do something. Hey, can I ask you a question? Did you know Mason and Kira are open to other relationships?’ Liam asked.

‘Open to… oh. Oh! Uhhh… you mean in an open relationship?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Is that what Mason told you?’

‘Yeah. I guess everyone knew except me.’

‘I don’t know about that…’ Danny hesitated.

‘How did you find that out? Did Mason just, tell you?’

‘I saw Kira and uhhh… someone else. Kissing. And I thought Mason should know. But when I told him he got really pissed off. Said I was ummm… never mind.’ Liam said, sitting down on one of the stools.

‘I just feel really stupid, you know? There’s so much stuff I don’t understand. I don’t know why I don’t. Things, they don’t always make sense to me. I miss stuff. Like it goes right by me? And if I’m lucky I can tell when I missed something. But most of the time I just… don’t think. Like, if you say something is one way, why would I think it’s anything besides that.’ Liam sighed.

‘I dunno. I’m sorry.’ Liam said.

‘No man, it’s okay. It’s… not your fault. Trust me. Mason needs to chill out a bit.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. I mean, maybe you’re a bit oblivious. And naive. But it makes you cute.’ Danny said. Then immediately looked like he’d swallowed a fish.

‘Really? Thanks. That’s super nice.’ Liam smiled. Danny forced a nervous grin back.

‘No problem.’

The bell over the door rang and Liam blinked as he recognized the guy in the leather jacket who was scoping out the place.

‘Isn’t that guy in the band?’

‘Lot’s of bands, Liam.’ Danny joked.

‘The one with Theo. Chimera.’ One of the only bands Liam knew, even if there were lots of others. Which made sense. And it also made sense Danny would know more since he worked in a record store. But Liam felt like everyone on the planet knew more about music than he did.

‘The one with Theo?’ Danny had a strange look on his face. Liam blinked. He remembered how Danny had said something about Jackson not being in Chimera because of Theo. Maybe he hated the pink-haired singer as much as Nolan seemed to.

‘Oh. I guess it doesn’t like, belong to him or anything.’

‘You like his singing, huh?’ Danny leaned against at the wall.

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam mumbled. He frowned as he thought about it.

‘I guess… sometimes I get these feelings. Like I’m helpless. Or stupid. Or kinda… mad. And when I heard him singing, it was like tearing through all those things and just destroying it all. Breaking it. Like I could breathe at least for a little while.’

‘Wow.’ 

‘Is that wrong?’

‘What? No! That’s just intense.’

‘Hey, does anybody work here or am I supposed to just help myself?’ Jackson threw up his arms.

Danny rolled his eyes.

‘My capitalist duty calls.’

Liam nodded. Danny walked towards Jackson.

‘Finally.’ Jackson exhaled. Liam watched as Danny turned around, facing him and walking backwards. He made a funny face Jackson couldn’t see. Liam snorted.

‘Hello, sir. How can I help you today?’ Danny’s voice was practically dripping in forced courtesy. Liam sighed. Danny said it was Mason who needed to relax, but Liam still felt like he’d done something wrong.

‘Don’t be a cock, Danny.’ Liam heard Jackson say before stepping outside.

He fished around in the inner pocket of his book bag, pulling out the bright coloured flyer Theo had given him. He was going to ask Mason to go to the show tonight, but there was no way that was going to happen. And he already knew that Scott was going to watch Banshee. He really wanted to see Theo. To hear him sing.

Looking at the flyer Liam nodded to himself. He could go on his own. He knew where to go and how to get there. Kind of. And he knew how to dress. Sort of. He would go and see Chimera and listen to Theo sing and then maybe things would make sense. Even if it was just for a few hours. He’d need to get a t-shirt. And jeans. And maybe sneakers. He thought of the clothes that Scott left in Mason’s trunk a few weeks ago, in case he needed them. He wasn’t about to ask Mason, but maybe he could ask his mom. Except Mason would be home from school by now. Unless he had another secret meeting with the rest of them.

Liam frowned. He was still upset that they’d left him out of their club. Whatever it was. But it was worth it to go by Mason’s house and see if he could grab the outfit. If Mason was around he’d just leave and go to the thrift store with the last of his money. Since he had his bike back, the trip to Mason’s would be easy.

###

Liam knocked on the door and waited. When it opened Mason’s dad looked down at him. His height always surprised Liam, but he smiled up at the man.

‘Hey, Liam. Mason’s still at school if you’re looking for him.’

‘Naw, I kind of forgot my clothes in the car.’ Liam said.

‘You mean the car that is mine but Mason calls his?’

‘Exactly.’ Liam smiled. He liked Mason’s parents—they were so relaxed and funny. Especially Mason’s dad.

‘Ray have you seen the remote?’ Mason’s mom wandered over from the living room. ‘Liam! Coming by for a visit? Mason’s not in his room. Boy’s got a hundred extracurriculars.’

‘He forgot something in the car.’

‘Oh. Here.’ She went to the wall and plucked a set of keys from the ledge where they were hanging.

‘Thanks!’

‘You better be coming this weekend!’

‘This weekend?’

‘The barbecue. Did Mason forget to tell you?’

‘Oh! No. I just forgot.’ Liam smiled. ‘But I might not be able to come. Umm… church stuff.’

The look on her face was somber, but she nodded. Liam gave a weak smile. Mason’s dad opened the garage and let Liam in.

‘Take all the time you need. Mason’s pretty tidy but he shoves so much stuff into that car I’m surprised it hasn’t exploded yet.’

‘Thanks, Mr. Hewitt.’

‘Ray, Liam. Call me Ray. Makes me feel young.’

‘Okay. Mr. Ray.’ Liam smiled. It was an old joke, but it made him feel good every time.

Liam opened the car door and popped the trunk. Mason loved to drive, but he didn’t always have money for gas. Something his parents were adamant that he pay for himself, since they were covering the insurance and maintenance. As a result, Mason usually took his bike to school and saved the car for weekends. Or punk shows. Or whatever it was they were getting together to do in secret.

Mr. Hewitt was right—the trunk was stuffed with a metric ton of stuff. Liam started to rummage around, pulling out track shoes and old school books. He spotted the plastic bag with his outfit in it and started to try it free. One of the bags next to it split and a bunch of stuff fell out. Liam grabbed the small rainbow flags and inspected one of them. A gay flag? Or maybe just a rainbow. Or both. Not all rainbows were gay. Maybe it was a pansexual rainbow? How did that work exactly? And why did Mason have it? Maybe Scott gave it to him. 

Mason did seem to have a lot of other people’s stuff in his trunk. Nolan’s sneakers. Records that might be Danny’s. And a whole lot of make up he assumed was Kira’s. Either way, it was none of his business. Probably. Unless it was like the open relationship thing, where he was supposed to figure something out. He’d have to think about it later. He had to get ready and start biking now if he wanted to get to the show on time.

###

He couldn’t do it. There were too many people. And they kept looking at him. And he was missing youth group—again. If he turned around and peddled really hard maybe he could make the last bit of it. But now he was all the way out past the train tracks to the squat, cement building that had been taken over by Chimera and a few other punk bands. It was currently overflowing with people—dozens of voices all excited and talking. Waiting to get in. And Theo was in there somewhere. Would he be mad if he didn’t see Liam there? Or upset? No, he came this far, he had to get in.

Liam stashed his bike in the bushes along with his regular clothes. As he hopped the twisted remains of the chain fence his jeans caught and tore. After he freed himself he looked down—the tear ran along the thigh of his right leg, exposing a small hint of flesh. It was kind of punk to not worry about it, he decided, and marched up to the line to get in.

When Liam got to the door a hand greeted him. A much older woman with a jacket covered in patches and pins with hair that looked like a grey cloud and wrinkles in her face that made each smile look like a map of her life. Liam blinked.

‘Dude, you got to pay to get in.’ The guy behind him hissed.

‘Oh.’ Liam pulled out his last bit of money… three one dollar bills.

‘That’s definitely not enough.’ The guy laughed. Liam was crestfallen. He jumped when the old woman snatched the bills from his hand.

‘Go on in, sweet bun.’

‘Really? Thanks!’ Liam beamed. As he walked inside he heard the guy behind argue about the price of getting in.

‘You let that poser in! He’s not even wearing a band shit!’

‘Who gives a flying french toast fuck what he’s wearing—kid had three bucks, he paid three bucks to get in. How much you got?’

‘You can’t do that, you have to let us in for what he paid.’

‘Hear that?’

‘No.’

‘It’s the sound of the price doubling. Just for you.’

‘That’s insane! You have to let me in.’

‘Triple now.’

Liam craned his neck to see the old woman fold her arms, no moving an inch.

‘Bullshit! This is America! It’s not fair!’

The group behind him started to quack like ducks. Soon the rest of the queue was quacking like ducks loudly, drowning out whatever the guy tried to say until he got red in the face and grabbed the girl that was with him by the hand. They stormed off as the rest of the punks laughed and quacked. Liam couldn’t stop grinning.

The inside of the building was like he remembered it—hot, sweaty, and industrial. Like someone just walked, dropped a table down, and started to sell whatever was in the pockets. Which maybe was true. Liam thought it was the best thing he’d ever seen. He watched two girls trade pins, and two burly guys trade entire jackets. The band was nowhere to be seen yet, but there were speakers set on some pallets and plywood that made up the stage.

As Liam glanced around the crowded space he spotted a tuft of pink hair wading through the people on the other side of the room. Excited, he made his way over, being as polite as he possibly could, and squeezing past people who were too engrossed in other things to notice him. When he got there his face fell—the girl had pink hair, shaved along one side and a spiked collar around a thin neck. She gave Liam a solid nod, and he nodded back. Because it was polite. But she wasn’t Theo.

‘Move it or lose it!’ The voice was vaguely familiar. Liam saw one of the members of Chimera wading through the crowd, arms full of beer bottles as he tried to keep balance. The one Scott liked the most. Isaac. Just then the bass player spotted Liam and a flash of recognition crossed his eyes.

‘Killer! Lend me a hand, will ya?’ Isaac smiled.

Liam pushed his way over and stood next to Isaac as he unloaded half the bottles into Liam’s waiting arms.

‘Follow me!’ Isaac said over his shoulder. Liam stuck close as they got to the side door that went into the “backstage” area. Which seemed to be more like a pump room with some chairs and a table that had been grabbed off the curb and firmly planted into the corners.

‘Grubs on!’ Isaac said as he closed the door behind Liam.

‘Bones is back!’ Malia yelled, making Liam wince. A few techs and the rest of the band came over, each grabbing a bottle for themselves.

‘Who’s this fish?’ Malia asked with narrowed eyes. Liam swallowed—the full attention of Malia was not something he ever expected to feel. It felt like she could take a bite out of him any second. Images flashed in his head of how playful she’d been with Kira. A moment he wasn’t supposed to see. Still, it took the edge off her presence.

‘I’m Liam.’ He piped up. Isaac blinked then broke into laughter, clapping Liam on the back. Malia snorted and walked away.

‘What?’ Liam asked, legs feeling a bit shaky.

‘You’re one of the few that didn’t actually piss you pants in the Shark Tank.’

‘The what?’

Isaac nodded towards Malia.

‘Do you all have nicknames?’

‘Bones,’ Isaac pointed to himself, ‘Shark Tank you met.’

He turned and pointed at Jackson, ‘He’s our Sass-hole. And Brett over there is Glass.’

‘Why Glass?’ Liam asked.

‘Dude has a piece of glass jammed in his head from when he was a kid. It’s crazy!’ Isaac said, offering Liam a beer, which he politely declined.

‘Bones?’

‘Old man is a grave digger. So was I for awhile.’

‘That’s…’

‘Fucked? Yeah, but someone has to dig the holes. Or I guess we could just leave everyone above ground. Not a fun idea, though.’

‘Yeah.’ Liam grimaced. ‘What about Theo?’

‘Theo don’t got a nickname.’ Jackson chimed in, ‘Doesn’t need one.’

Isaac shrugged and walked over to the corner to his bass. Liam tried to hide his disappointment at the fact the singer wasn’t there. He watched Isaac with his bass. Brett had glared at him when he came in with Isaac, but so far hadn’t said anything. Liam knew Brett hated him, so he was sure to keep a good distance between them.

‘Theo had a nickname once. I think when he was in that shitty garage band. Not a lot of people know it, though.’ Isaac said, without looking up from his instrument.

‘What was it?’ Liam asked.

Isaac looked up at him and shot a wicked smile.

‘They called him Killer.’

Liam felt his heart skip for a second. Isaac chuckled.

‘Not anymore anyway. Hey, where’re the rest of your crew?’

Liam looked at the floor. How did he explain that he was kind of on the outs, or at least that’s how it felt.

‘Running alone tonight, huh? No worries. You can hang here.’ Isaac strummed the bass and made some adjustments. ‘Say, who was that guy with you the other day… dark hair. Dark eyes. Jaw kind of, _eeeehk._ ’

Isaac pushed the side of his jaw as he made the creaking, crooked sound.

‘That’s Scott.’

‘Scott. Cool.’

‘You know him?’

‘Sure.’ 

‘But you didn’t know his name?’

‘Only seen him in my dreams.’ Isaac winked. Liam felt himself blush. Chimera was a strange group of people, but they were alright. Except for Brett. And maybe Malia. And Jackson seemed to be a complete jerk when he wanted to. Which was most of the time.

‘So, where’s Theo?’ Liam tried his best to be casual. He really did. He tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice. He knew he failed when Isaac looked up at him and smiled like he knew something he shouldn’t.

‘Round the corner.’

Liam nodded and walked past the two techs finishing cable checks. He glanced up at Brett to get a dirty look before spotting the metal door with faded blue paint propped open by half a cinder block. The light inside was warm. Almost orange. Theo sat with his tongue sticking out of his lips a little bit, foot propped up as he painted it with black nail polish. When he spotted Liam he broke out into a soft grin. One that reached his eyes. It made Liam relax for a split second, before a whirlwind came to life inside of him.

‘You made it.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Cool.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Lookin’ good. Hey, c’mere.’ Theo beckoned him over. Liam stumbled into the room and caught himself before giving a shy glance at Theo. He sat on the empty crate beside the singer. As Theo finished up Liam watched how the other boy’s muscled flexed. The tattoos covered his left arm from the back of his hand and fingers up under his shirt, to his neck. Some of them Liam could make out—roses and other flowers. Some were scorpions. Lions. A goat. Patterns that were both violent and soothing. Numbers and letters and small stick-and-pokes of spooky ghosts.

‘Did you hear me?’ Theo asked. Liam looked up quickly, afraid of being caught staring.

Theo didn’t repeat his question he just held up the nail polish and gave it a gentle shake. Liam blinked.

‘Gimme your hand.’ Theo’s voice was soft and deep. Liam found himself resting his right hand on the singer’s knee. He could feel the warmth of Theo’s skin through the rips and tears beneath his palm. The faint tickle of hair.

Part of him panicked when he saw Theo brush the black nail polish onto his thumb. What would his dad think? Nail polish was for girls. Make up was for girls. Except pink was a girl color and Theo had his hair dyed pink. Besides, colours didn’t belong to anyone. And there was no reason pink was just for girls. And Scott told him there were more than two genders. So what then? Did no-gender people get green, or orange? It almost made him laugh at how silly it all seemed suddenly—that colours matched ideas like that. Why not nail polish for boys then? Or any gender? Or anyone that god damn wanted to wear it?

‘Hold still.’ Theo said, steadying Liam’s hand with his free one. It kept his hand still, but it made his heart race. It was still hot in the back, though cooler than the front. Sweat had matted some of Theo’s hair, making the pink color dark. Without thinking, Liam reached out and pushed the stray locks from Theo’s face. The punk froze as soon as Liam touched him. Only after he did it, did Liam realize what he’d done.

‘I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean—‘

‘Liam, it’s okay.’ Theo’s smile was shy. Green eyes dropping back to paining Liam’s nails. Saying nothing more.

‘You called me Liam.’ He said. Mouth dry. Tongue made of dust.

‘That’s your name, right?’

‘Yeah. You usually call me Killer, though.’

‘Are you?’

‘What?’

‘A killer?’

‘No. I don’t know. Maybe.’

Theo chuckled.

‘I’m just teasing you.’

‘I knew that.’ Liam blurted. Theo finished his task. Before Liam could take his hand back Theo drew it up to his lips, blowing gently to dry the nail polish. When he finally let go Liam was blushing as bright as a christmas light.

‘Don’t touch anything until it dries.’ Theo said, wiggling into his beat-up sneakers. Liam looked at the black nail polish on his right hand. He couldn’t help smiling—Theo did it for him, and it looked pretty freaking cool.

‘Better get out here.’ Brett said, poking his head in the door. Theo made a noise. He grabbed his leather jacket and pulled it on—face a dark mask in contrast to the tender smile he’d shared with Liam a moment ago. It fell slightly when he looked over his shoulder at the other boy.

‘See you out there.’

Then he was gone. Leaving Liam alone with Brett. The tall guitarist folded his arms and glared at Liam. He glanced down at Liam’s hand and spotted the nail polish before looking to the bottle beside Theo’s things. There was a edge to the look he gave Liam then, like he was furious. But it was gone so quick Liam almost doubted it was there to begin with. Instead, Brett grinned.

‘Better get out there. You’ll miss the show. Killer.’

Liam nodded and ducked past Brett, heading to the side door. He could hear the roar of the people gathered just outside it, eager for Chimera to start their set. He didn’t know if Mason or any of the others were out there watching. He didn’t know what was going on with any of them—Mason in particular. And he didn’t care. He came to see Theo, leave all of that behind for a few hours, and not think of the consequences. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

###


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam watches Chimera play again, but when a perfect storm of events unleashes overwhelming emotions he's forced to step back from himself to deal with it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so late! There were many things happening and it took me longer than I thought to get my routine back in place.
> 
> Also, this chapter probably has spelling mistakes and lots of crazy bits that might not fully make sense? And it's late and I'm sleepy so hopefully it aligns with everything I've set up (and continue to develop)!
> 
> If you're curious of the song Theo sings it's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZHvnQakvwM
> 
> *Warning: there's the use of a gay slur in this chapter (one of the ones that starts with "f") but it's part of the story, so be aware of that as you read. I know it can suck to get slapped in the face with that kind of language without warning.
> 
> .

It started out as a loud hum pouring through the speakers and filling the room—leaving no space for the urgent whispers and excited cries of the crowd that had formed around him. Soon the hum was the only sound, until one of the band members plugged in a jack. A sharp whine of feedback was quickly overtaken by a guttural growl, tearing out of Theo’s throat—making everyone in the room wince and then go still as if in reverence.

Liam watched the pink hair hanging over Theo’s face, head bowed as he snarled barely audible lyrics into the microphone as if he was trying to gnaw on it like an animal with a bone. He glanced up at the crowd suddenly before the rest of the band joined in—guitar and bass crashing into each other as the crowd came to life.

Liam was jostled from every direction, but he was ready for it this time. To his left a girl screamed her own interpretation of the lyrics. To his right, two guy shouted and hopped up and down. The energy was bold and insistent. Liam stayed rooted to his spot near the front—it was an entirely different experience being so close to the band. It felt like they were a fire being whipped around by a tornado, and he was close enough for the flames to lick his finger tips.

The first song turned into the second, turning into the third. Lima didn’t know exactly where one song ended and the next started, but the change in energy was there—Theo raging, Theo coaxing, Theo snarling. Sweat poured down the singer’s face as he paced the small, makeshift stage. He raised his hands and worked the crowd into a frenzy and then backed off with a cocky smirk. He went to each of his band mates and got in their faces, trying to provoke them. Each ignored him—focused on their own part of the crashing chaos that was storming through the speakers. The only one that broke the pattern was Brett, who gave Theo a defiant look. Theo’s only response was to grin wider and hover close. Crowding the tall guitarist. Brett pushed back and Theo turned back to the crowd with a new assault of raw lyrics. He stopped right in the middle to peel his shirt off and throw it away before barking into the microphone once more.

Liam suddenly found it hard to breathe. The tattoos on Theo’s torso moved with each flex of his muscles, and glistened with a sheen of sweat. Pink hair was now plastered to Theo’s face and whenever he raised his arms, his chest flexed instinctively. Everyone around Liam roared—it was impossible to deny Theo’s presence. Or his magnetism. Liam’s eyes followed every movement, every word. The music dove into him—smashing through layers and layers of who he was and who other people wanted him to be. Down to the bottom. To the place he was afraid to go. The music was there, and Liam felt the thing inside of him pace to match Theo’s movements on stage. It felt good. It felt amazing.

Liam raised his arms suddenly and let a cry tear from his lips, startling the people beside him with his intensity. Among all the other voices and shouts somehow Theo heard him—green eyes striking him through the chaos in the room. A small window of stillness opened, and Theo stopped moving. Stopped singing. He looked at Liam and the boy saw something on the singer’s face. Recognition? Relief? Longing? It was hard to place, and before it could last any longer Brett ramped up the guitar and overwhelmed the stage. Theo tore his gaze away and they finished the song.

His hands ached to do something. Anything. It was a familiar feeling. A bad feeling. Liam flexed his hands to try and wear out the sensation as the band rallied and went quiet, waiting for Theo to start singing whatever song he’d picked next. The lyrics were direct and loud, but Liam could make out the words. He was surprised to recognize the song as one of the ones Mason tried to teach him. The slower, forceful tempo matched Theo’s slow movements. As he sang he looked out towards the crowd, catching Liam’s eyes on certain lyrics and giving a sly smile.

Brett stepped forward into the crowd, eyes darting to the people around him as Theo pointed and sang to the rhythmic beat of the drums. Sweat glistened off Brett’s chest as smirked at a girl with pink and blue hair. He leaned forward and Liam was surprised to see her dart forward to make out with the guitarist. His fingers faltered on the neck as they kissed—resuming as he pulled back. Theo continued with his slow pace, looking at Malia as she focused on thundering out the beat.

Another person, a boy Liam thought, leaned forward and kissed Brett on the lips. Liam was surprised when the tall boy kissed back. As he pulled away, Liam was shocked to recognize Nolan’s face—hair sticking to sweaty skin and a dreamy look in his eyes. Brett touched Nolan’s jaw with a small smile. Fleeting and shy. Totally different from the vibe he’d given off when he stepped into the crowd. Brett turned away from Nolan and the swagger was back. The girl beside Liam lunged forward to take a turn kissing Brett. Theo’s chanting continued, eyes searching the faces of the room. Liam tried to grab his attention but there was no way he was standing out from the people around him. He felt hot breath on his neck suddenly, and turned to look Brett right in the eyes. There was something buried there—desire. Anger. Lips turning up into a sneer as the guitarist leaned close.

‘Something to think about. _Killer._ ’

Suddenly the air was driven out of Liam’s lung was Brett’s lips hammered down onto his own. It wasn’t soft or gentle. There was a hunger there, and Liam felt Brett’s tongue push into his mouth. His heart raced as he tried to pull away, but Brett’s hand kept his head carefully in place. The kiss ended and Liam tore himself away, chest heaving.

‘Deal with it.’ Brett said. The drums came to a stop. The guitar had been silent since Brett grabbed Liam. Theo’s voice was low. Liam struggled to breathe—it felt like the room was suddenly very small. Brett kissed him. A boy kissed him. In front of so many people. And Theo, what about Theo?

Liam glanced to the stage. Theo’s jaw was clenched—muscles of his neck strained like steel cords ready to snap. He looked at Brett with an intensity that scared Liam suddenly. And at the same time, it was a look he somehow understood.

The microphone made a loud noise as it came crashing down and Theo roared, lunging at Brett. The tall boy barely had time to shed his guitar as Theo came down on him hard. Everything happened so fast it was hard to make out, but Liam knew that Theo and Brett were exchanging blows at a fierce pace. Several people around them had picked up on the vibe and smaller fights started to break out. Liam was dragged away as the people around him moved to the exits. He caught a last glimpse of Theo—hair throw back in a pink blur as he tore into Brett. The other boy matched Theo’s anger with his own. Liam yelled, but any words he had were drowned by the noise of the fighting and fleeing.

As he was swept away, Liam spotted Nolan nearby. Tears were streaming down the boy’s face.

‘Nolan!’ Liam yelled, reaching out. The boy cringed and turned away. Two large people ran into him, nearly knocking him to the floor. Liam thrust his hand out against the flow of the people and managed to snag Nolan’s arm before he was trampled. He gritted his teeth and yanked the other boy towards him. Nolan resisted, confusing Liam, but there was no time to wonder. He held Nolan close and went with the flow of people heading out of the small exit.

###

Outside the night air hit him like a cold wave. They tumbled to the ground a few feet away, trying to catch their breath. The rest of the crowd dispersed into the night. Some cheering with the edgy energy of the show. Others somber and quiet. Nolan picked himself up off the ground and ran around the corner of the building.

‘Nolan!’ Liam stumbled then chased after the boy. When he rounded the corner Nolan hadn’t gotten far. He’d tripped and landed on the hard ground. Liam walked over and offered his hand.

‘Are you okay?’

Nolan swatted his hand away.

‘Fuck you!’

Liam stepped back. The already agitated part of him cowered—he didn’t like when people yelled at him. The other part of him was still confused. Why had Nolan tried to stay inside? Why was he acting to angry?

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Nolan was on his feet in a flash. Liam was suddenly reminded that Nolan was almost the same height and build as him. In another world they might have been brothers. But right now the talkative motormouth with a deep love of chilli cheese dogs was a few inches from his face—pain and anger easy to see.

‘Fuck. You!’ Nolan shoved Liam to the ground. Liam winced. There were so many emotions coursing through him he didn’t know what was going on, but Nolan was so upset. That he could focus on. Maybe fix.

‘What did I do?’ Liam struggled back to his feet.

‘You screwed everything up. Everything!’ 

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologizing!’ Nolan yelled. Liam froze as Nolan’s tears started again fresh.

‘Everything was so good. So perfect. No one else was coming. Just me. And I wanted to see him so bad!’ Nolan said.

‘Then you were there and he… he doesn’t see anyone when you’re around. Just you. And I want him to see me. To look at me like that!’

‘Who?’ Liam shook his head. Why was everything so confusing.

‘Brett!’

Liam touched his lips without thinking, drawing a glare from Nolan.

‘You think… he likes me.’

‘He kissed you!’

‘He kissed you! And a lot of other people!’

‘Not like how he kissed you.’

‘Nolan, Brett hates me.’

‘Bullshit! Shut up.’ Nolan waved him off, stalking in a small circle.

‘I’m just trying to help.’

Nolan laughed. Forced and bitter.

‘You can’t help me. You don’t even know what’s going on!’

‘I would if you’d let me know.’ Liam said.

‘This was a mistake. All of it, a mistake. We should have left you in your stupid church where you’d be happy.’

‘I wasn’t happy.’ Liam said, but Nolan was on a rant and missed the words.

‘Mason begged us to be cool with you. To let you tag along.’

‘He invited me to meet his friends.’ Liam bristled. Mason wouldn’t do that. Mason wouldn’t tell people to change how they act, would he?

‘He said you’d freaked out before. That you were dangerous.’

‘No!’ Liam felt the flare of anger rise suddenly. He pushed it down quickly. Clenching his fists. Unclenching. Holding tight once more.

Nolan paused, eyes trained on Liam. Head bowed and looking at his hands as he opened and closed them.

Liam shook his hands and brought them together. It was too much to understand. To much to handle. Like holding onto the tail of some enormous beast. He was losing his grip.

‘I didn’t… I didn’t want it.’ Liam said. His mouth tasted metallic. Sour. He looked down at his hands, all tangled together.

‘What?’ Nolan was hesitant.

‘I didn’t want him to kiss me! I wanted Th— I wanted…’ Liam mumbled. He felt it like a snake wrapped around him inside—all the expectations. The scripture. The things he’d been taught. Things that pushed him down and away from even saying a name. Or thinking a thought. Suddenly he felt like he was going to throw up.

‘You look sick.’

‘I feel sick.’ Liam said.

‘Good.’

Liam slowly sank to his knees. What was happening to him? It was impossible to focus on anything. Nolan kept talking. Yelling sometimes. How was he supposed to help Nolan when he couldn’t even help himself?

The yelp of sirens cut through the air as two police cruisers showed up. Shouting from the front of the building snapped Liam out of his head. If they were arrested…

A gangly kid darted around the corner and bolted past them.

‘Police!’ He yelled.

Liam grabbed Nolan’s hand and dragged him towards the forest along the far side of the parking lot. There was minor resistance at first, until Nolan heard the shouting and yelling. Liam pushed his way through the underbrush, past several trees. They came to a small footpath, out of breath and sweating.

Nolan pulled his hand away and sat on a wooden bench off the trail. Liam glanced down the path to a clearing lit with overhead lights. A small park of some kind, and the trail was a man-made walk way leading to it. He sat on the edge of the bench as far from Nolan as he could get.

‘You could have left me.’ Nolan said.

‘No.’ Liam shook his head.

‘Why not?’

‘You’re my… you’re my friend.’ Liam said. Or at least that’s what he’d thought since meeting the boy. Since meeting them all. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe they were only Mason’s friends, and what Nolan told him was the truth. That they just humoured him and Liam was an unwelcome addition to the group. Scott… maybe that was a lie, too. No. That couldn’t be. Scott was real. He cared. Theo cared… 

‘Thanks.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘I didn’t do anything.’ Liam said.

‘You pulled me out of there. You brought us here. Even after I yelled at you. And said those things.’

Liam frowned. Wasn’t that just common sense? The right thing to do?

‘Hey!’ A flashlight beam cut through the darkness, catching their shape as an officer crashed through the bushes. Nolan slid close and pulled off his shirt covered in band logos, tossing it under the bench. His white undershirt was drenched and Liam saw him shiver.

‘Take my hand!’ He hissed. Liam frowned.

‘Quick!’

Nolan grabbed Liam’s hand and leaned against him. Nolan’s hand was warm. His weight was nice. Liam hadn’t been so close to someone since his grandmother was alive. And Nolan was a boy. And his friend. It was too much for Liam. He closed his eyes and reached for the breaker in the back of his head. A trick he learned when he was little. When things go to be too much. With everything turned off, nothing could touch him. Nothing mattered.

‘Don’t move.’ The officer said, shining the full force of the flashlight on them. Liam sat there, watching. Nolan reacted. Startled.

‘What’re you kids doing?’

‘Trying to watch the stars. What do you think?’ The sarcasm was thick in Nolan’s tone. The officer looked down at their hands and made an uncomfortable noise.

After a second he turned, flashed the light up and down the path before heading back towards the building. Nolan took his hand back and slid away, but not as far from where he’d been sitting.

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said.

‘You alight?’ Nolan asked.

‘Sure.’ Liam shrugged.

‘You seem a little like, different.’ Nolan said.

‘I feel fine.’

‘Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out, pal.’

‘It’s okay. I just turned everything off.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I turned it off.’ Liam shrugged. Nolan frowned.

‘C’mon.’ Nolan grabbed his hand and dragged him forward. Liam looked at the hand holding his and felt nothing. He let Nolan guide him back to the building. By then there were no police, or people around at all. Nolan scanned the area.

‘Stay here. I’ll be right back.’ Nolan said.

‘Okay.’ Liam shrugged. He watched Nolan jog around the corner and pull out his phone. It was kind of warm out. Cooler than inside the building. The show had been pretty loud. That was fun. He’d have to look up the song later. There were words his dad definitely wouldn’t approve of, but he wouldn’t approve of anything that Liam had been doing. Lying. A lot of lying. But it would be bad to tell the truth now. And he didn’t want to.

He could hear Nolan talking on the phone. He sounded worried. Liam didn’t know how to explain that everything was alright. The sky was clear and the wind felt nice, what was there to worry about?

‘Liam, hey.’ Nolan was back, putting a hand on his shoulder.

‘Scott is gonna come pick us up, okay? I don’t think you should go back to your dad like this.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like… a robot.’

‘You’re weird.’ Liam said. Nolan was weird.

‘C’mon, let’s sit over here and wait for Scott.’ Nolan guided him to a small rock. Liam wondered how he was going to explain being late to his dad. Pretty soon he wouldn’t be able to fool him any more. It was only a matter of time. His dad knew everything. Always found out everything, no matter what. He’d have to deal with it later. For now they needed to get Nolan home. At least Scott was coming to help. Liam guessed that proved that he was a pretty good friend.

‘Do you get like this a lot?’ Nolan asked.

‘Like what?’

‘Ummm, quiet?’

‘I don’t got a lot to say.’

‘Alright.’ Nolan said, looking away.

Silence stretched out between them. Liam looked at the sky. Listened to the distant sounds of traffic.

‘Are you okay with me ummm… liking Brett?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded.

‘It doesn’t freak you out?’

‘He doesn’t like me. But I don’t know why.’

‘I thought he liked you. A lot.’

‘Why?’

‘I saw him the other day and he asked about you.’

‘That doesn’t make sense.’

Nolan shrugged.

‘Do you know I’m gay?’

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Oh. Does it bother you?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Even with your dad and stuff?’

Liam frowned. He could feel things shifting around in his head, trying to connect and bring a whole host of emotions to life. He snuffed them out and was left with things that happened, and things that didn’t.

‘I think that if you care about people, and you’re kind, then that’s a good thing. My dad hates faggots. And he doesn’t ever want me to be one. The church hates homosexuals, too. I think they’re wrong. But it’s hard to know what they think and what I think sometimes, because everything gets mixed up inside me. And it makes my head hurt a lot.’

‘Wow.’ Nolan blinked. ‘That’s… that’s pretty fucked up.’

Liam nodded. ‘It is.’

Before Nolan could answer the headlights of a car lit up the parking lot as Scott pulled in. He got out of the car and walked over with a worried look.

‘Hey, Liam. You okay?’ Scott asked.

‘I’m good.’

‘He sounds like a robot.’ Nolan said.

‘What happened?’

‘Brett kind of… kissed me. And then Liam. During the show, and Theo—‘

‘—got arrested. I know that part.’

‘How?’

Scott sighed. ‘Get in. We’ll figure it out.’

Liam got into the car in the back behind the passenger seat. Nolan climbed in shotgun and looked back at his friend with a worried expression.

‘I’m sorry I’m causing trouble.’ Liam said.

‘It’s okay. You’re okay.’ Nolan said before turning around. Scott started the car and headed down the road.

‘We can’t take him home like this.’ Nolan said.

‘We’re not going to his place yet. Got another stop.’ Scott turned down the road. His phone started ringing on the dashboard. Scott hit decline. It immediately started to ring again. Scott growled and declined again. The third time he let out a huff of hot air.

‘Can you turn that off?’ Scott asked. Nolan grabbed for it and turned the phone off. Liam watched the cars go by. Every now and again he’d look up at the mirror and catch Scott looking at him. Everyone was so worried. But it was easier this way. To feel nothing.

‘Where are we?’ Nolan asked as they pulled in front of a brick building. A beat up jeep with a skinny guy leaning against it was waiting when they parked. Liam got out of the car and recognized Stiles from the other night.

‘Hi Stiles.’ Liam said.

‘Hey Liam.’ The boy said, circling around to Scott’s side of the car. Nolan shot Liam a curious look.

‘Scott, go home.’

‘I’m not doing this again.’ Scott shrugged his friend’s hand off.

‘Every time he gets in shit you come running. Every time.’

‘I have to.’

‘After he— Scott. I’m not gonna stand here and watch him treat you like that again.’

‘Then leave.’

‘You can’t help everyone!’

‘I said I’m not doing this again. It’s my choice.’ Scott stepped away from Stiles and glanced back at Liam and Nolan. ‘Wait here.’

Stiles hit his palm against his forehead as Scott went inside. He sighed.

‘And how’s your night?’ Stiles asked, looking at Liam. The boy shrugged.

‘Alright. Okay. Okay.’ Stiles said as he hopped in the jeep and started it up. Nolan gave a hesitant wave as he drove off.

‘Do you know him?’ Nolan asked.

‘He’s Scott’s friend. He’s in a band.’

‘Oh.’ 

'Hey,' Nolan bit his lip, 'About all the stuff I said, I was just mad. Okay?'

'Alright.' Liam said. Nolan sighed in frustration.

The door opened and Scott emerged. A few seconds later Theo followed, leather jacket draped over his shoulders. Nolan slid back into the car without a word and Liam joined him, wondering why Theo was coming with them.

The others boys got into the car without speaking. After Scott started to drive he looked over at Nolan.

‘Want me to drop you at your place, or Danny’s?’

‘My place is fine.’ Nolan said.

‘Almost didn’t recognize you, Carrots.’ Theo smiled. His voice was rough and raw. Like he’s been screaming. At least more than usual during a show. Liam studied the singer’s face—cuts and bruises and the beginning of a black eye. He thought Theo was going to say something witty in response to Nolan’s brush off. Instead he sank back into the seat beside Liam, wincing as tender spots were disturbed.

They drove in silence until they pulled up along a quiet suburban house. Nolan popped open the door and looked in the backseat. He glared at Theo, then gave Liam a softer look.

‘Thanks.’

‘For what?’

‘Being a pal.’

Liam made himself smile, because that was the right thing to do. Nolan returned it, but the worry didn’t quite leave his eyes. Liam watched him head towards his house. Scott pulled away from the curb wordlessly.

‘Liam, you’re crashing at my place. We’ll handle your dad tomorrow.’

‘What’s wrong with his dad?’ Theo asked, leaning forward. 

‘Shut it, Theo.’ Scott glared at him through the rearview mirror. ‘I’m dropping you at your place.’

‘Drop me at Josh’s.’

‘I’m not going that far down there.’

‘I can’t go home. Locked out.’

Scott sighed.

‘One night. That’s it. And don’t be surprised if my mom tries to kill you.’

‘Your mom loves me.’

‘She used to.’

Theo crossed his arms and leaned back into the seat. His leather groaned as he moved. As they drove Liam watched the street lights illuminate Theo’s features. He looked tired. He looked upset.

Liam clenched his teeth together so hard it hurt. It was better to feel nothing, but Theo somehow cut through all of that. It wasn’t just that he was beautiful, it was that he was the same somehow. Or part of him was. And despite what Liam did, something about the pink-haired demon drew him back to the surface.

The tears came suddenly, but the feelings there were numb. He wasn’t sure what he was crying about, or when it would stop. Was he crying for Theo? Because he was hurt? Or had no where to go? Or was he crying because he felt bad for himself? Or some other reason that escaped him.

Liam jumped when he felt the back of Theo’s hand press against his own. The singer wasn’t looking at him—Theo was staring out the window, but had clearly moved his hand towards Liam. Liam felt all of the bad feelings well up inside of him. The ones that didn’t belong to him. He felt them pool in his mouth, and washed them away with blood when he bit down hard on his own tongue. His hand shook as his finger tips touched Theo’s. Still looking away, Theo took Liam’s hand in his own. Liam looked down to see their hands clasped together—both with black nail polish. Matching. And even though it was more confusing than anything he felt, and part of him hated himself, he wanted whatever was happening so much he didn’t have the words to express it.

###

Scott unlocked the door and ushered Theo and Liam inside.

‘Liam, would your dad be awake if you called?’ Scott asked.

‘No.’

‘He gonna freak out you’re not home?’

‘He’ll punish me later.’ Liam mumbled.

Scott frowned.

‘We’re gonna talk about that in the morning. Wait here.’

The boys stood awkwardly as Scott disappeared upstairs. Theo shrugged off his jacket, and Liam glanced at the messy pink hair. New feelings took root every time Theo was around. Feelings Liam didn’t dare to hold on to, or look at for too long. The Theo with him now, standing in the dark of the living room, was different than the Theo on stage. Or the Theo feeding alleycats and making friends with people on the street. How many Theos were there, he wondered? And which one was real.

Liam turned to face him directly. Something he would never be able to do if he was feeling the full force of everything inside. The numbness was still there, but fading fast next to the taller boy.

‘Why did you hit Brett?’

‘He pissed me off.’ 

‘How?’

Theo looked away and shoved his hands into his pockets. He glanced up at Liam. With hesitation? Shyness? Before Liam could ask Scott came back downstairs with pillows and blankets. He made up the couch and love seat as beds.

‘Liam. Bathroom is over there. Kitchen is there and glasses are in the right cupboard.’ Scott said. Liam nodded.

‘You know where everything is.’ Scott said to Theo. The boy nodded.

‘I’ll see you guys in the morning.’ Scott started up the stairs.

‘Scott. Thanks.’ Theo said. The other boy softened and let out a sigh. 

‘You’re welcome. You know that, too.’

‘I know, yeah.’ Theo muttered.

Liam settled into the soft cushions. He wondered what Scott’s mom was like. Probably nice like Scott was.

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m sorry if I scared you tonight.’

‘You didn’t scare me. That much.’

‘Sometimes I… never mind. Good night.’ Theo said.

‘Sometimes you got to let it out. The thing inside.’

Silence. The sound of blankets moving slightly, then a sigh.

‘Can’t keep it in forever.’ Theo said.

Liam gripped his hands tightly together. He knew he could. He just had to try harder. Harder than he ever had before, and then it would all be okay. Everything would be okay. Everything was always okay.

###


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam spends the day with Scott and Theo as he gets a glimpse into their lives, and a small fragment of their shared past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I have been slacking off. I had to change a few things with this chapter to align it with... the future! And as usual, the burn is slow. So slow.
> 
> But the heat is there! I promise. :D
> 
> Also, feelings? They might be in here. Hiding between the letters that make up the words.
> 
> ALSO! Everyone that has commented I wanted to thank you (and ppl that read it and enjoy it). I'll try to respond to comments individually from this chapter on. I was a bit overwhelmed to do it for the past few chapters. But I got my feet back under me now! :D :D :D :D 
> 
> ...also? Ummm... angst alert? 
> 
> Softness is ahead, though! In...a few chapters :|
> 
> Don't murder me please

Liam couldn’t sleep. Or he didn’t want to. The sound of the kitchen clock ticking loudly seemed to fill the entire house. There was no way he could block it out. Even the pillow Scott gave him didn’t work. A soft noise caught his attention and Liam turned toward the couch where Theo was sprawled out. The blanket Scott gave him hit the floor long ago—Theo tossed and turned a lot in his sleep. There was a look on the singer’s face that worried Liam. Drawn and pensive. 

Theo mumbled in his sleep and pushed at something in his dream. Suddenly Liam was awake, watching the older boy frown and talk to someone that wasn’t there. It was hard to make out what he was saying, so Liam gently sat up and leaned closer. It sounded like a chant. Some kind of litany Theo was saying over and over again that reminded Liam of Tibetan monks he saw on TV. Chanting to honour the dead. Or ward them off.

As Liam leaned closer he could make out the fear and worry etched into Theo’s sleeping features. The words were barely audible.

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…’ Theo’s lips were moving but the words were more breath and anything. Liam frowned and reached out to put a hand on Theo’s shoulder and wake him up. A creak at the back door startled him. He glanced up at the woman there—dark features and tired eyes. She glanced down at Theo and gave a small sigh before pressing her finger to her lips and gesturing Liam towards the kitchen.

‘You must be Liam.’ She spoke quietly as she dumped her purse on the counter. She was dressed in hospital scrubs and looked like she hadn’t slept in days. He gave her a funny look.

‘Scott loves to talk about new friends.’ She gave him a smile, ‘Hot chocolate?’

She held up a pack and Liam gave a gentle nod.

‘Thanks Mrs. uhhhh….’ Liam blinked. What had Allison said about Scott’s last name changing? Or maybe it hadn’t. 

‘McCall. But you can call me Melissa.’ She winked as she poured two cups of hot chocolate and added lots of cream and marshmallows.

‘Melissa.’ Liam tried the name out. It felt wrong to call an adult by their first name. His father definitely wouldn’t approve.

‘Melissa McCall. Sounds like I should work in a call centre.’ She snorted. Liam smiled a little. She wasn’t like the other adults he’d met.

‘So, Liam. Care to regale me how one Theo Raeken came to be sleeping on my couch?’

‘I didn’t… Scott picked him up from lock-up and I was just… there.’ Liam mumbled.

She handed Liam a mug and sipped her hot chocolate.

‘Let me guess—Theo got in a fight with Stiles again, got arrested and Scott came to bail him out as usual.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said, taking a sip. Hot chocolate was the perfect thing at the moment.

‘Kinda. Theo got into a fight with Brett. The rest is pretty accurate.’

‘And Brett is his boyfriend?’

‘What? No.’ Liam said. Was he? No. That didn’t make sense. Well, maybe it did actually. Except it would be a strange relationship. But then again, nothing around him seemed to be normal or predictable in any way, so maybe Melissa was right. Liam didn’t really know that much about Theo. Or Brett. Or Scott for that matter. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed likely that Theo and Brett might be together. And Allison’s comments the other night seemed to make sense if Theo and Scott used to be together. And Scott did say he was pansexual…

Liam frowned. It hurt his head to try and make sense of it all. Why couldn’t people just say what they felt and what they meant, instead of making a giant, tangled mess of everything.

‘Were Scott and Theo…’ Liam tried to find the words that wouldn’t make him sound stupid for asking. Melissa sat her mug down and leaned against the counter.

‘Scott has always been a unique kid. When he was five he told everyone he was going to marry his pre-school teacher. The teacher was mortified. Every time Scott saw him he’d stick to his leg like a magnet. Then when he was a bit older his favourite show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer because “Buffy is the best, beautiful girl ever”. Besides me, of course.’ Melissa chuckled.

‘So Scott is… he’s been with Theo and Allison?’ Liam cradled the mug in his hands.

‘Scott follows his heart. And sometimes it leads him to difficult places.’ She gave him a sad smile and smoothed out some of his hair. ‘You kind of remind me of him.’

Theo made a noise in his sleep and Melissa sighed.

‘A long time ago, Scott, Theo, and Stiles were inseparable.’ She said. Liam remembered how Stiles had reacted when they showed up to bail Theo out. Like Scott had done it before. Like Stiles hated it.

‘They’re not anymore.’ Liam said.

‘No. Not for a long time. There were some difficult times. The way Theo handled it made it a lot harder. And when that wedge forms between people, well, it can be hard to fix. They’ve never been the same. Though as you can see, my son still has a soft spot for troublemakers.’

Liam’s mind raced. What did all of that mean? And where did he belong in it all? It felt like a storm of secrets that he couldn’t keep up with. Everyone had such deep bonds. Past history. Relationships. What did he have? Nothing. Well, he had Mason. And now Mason hated him probably. He had his dad. And the church. They were always ready to welcome him, to draw him in. Except there were cracks there now, too. His grandmother was gone. His mother was gone. No one wanted him.

‘Liam?’ He could hear the worry in her voice as he squeezed his eyes shut tight, so the tears couldn’t get out. He felt stupid and weak. Crying for no reason. His dad would be so angry. He thought of Mason’s voice, telling him his dad was wrong. That crying didn’t mean he was weak. It made him cry harder.

‘Oh honey.’ Melissa said before pulling the boy close. Liam wrapped his arms around her and any effort to hold things in ended. She was warm and gentle and soft. Liam’s heart ached more than ever for his own mother, who left him behind so many years ago. Because he was bad. Because he was worthless.

‘It’s okay, Liam. It’s okay.’ She smoothed out his hair, soothing him. He wanted to say a thousand things. He wanted to explain all the things racing around inside of him, but he didn’t understand them himself. He wanted to tell her that she was so good. And that Scott was so lucky. Instead he sobbed against her shoulder. Words did not come.

‘What’s wrong?’ She coaxed. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

Liam pulled back as the tears ebbed. He hiccuped and Melissa smiled. She filled a glass with water and handed it to Liam, who drank it down in several quick gulps.

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’ He said, trying to marshal the words into order. ‘I just want to make them see that I can be good. That I’m not a freak. And I can do normal things too. But I… I don’t understand any of it. And it hurts so much.’

Liam searched her face and found kind eyes waiting. Listening.

‘I try so hard. But sometimes I get so angry. So, so angry. And I wish I could just… hate it all. And it would be easier. But I don’t. I want to be friends so bad. Because I’m so… I’m so… I don’t have anything.’ Liam looked down at his hands—empty.

‘That’s not true.’ She rubbed his arm. ‘You have Scott. And believe me, once he’s in your life you’re stuck with him.’

Liam hiccuped.

‘And you have… Theo, too.’

‘Why don’t people like him? I think he’s…’ Liam fumbled to explain it. Shook his head.

‘Theo hasn’t had an easy life. Sometimes people, they make bad decisions. And hurt people close to them.’

‘Theo did that?’

Melissa gave a weak smile.

‘You’re a good kid, Liam.’ She gave him another hug. It was soothing and painful at the same time. How could such a simple thing meant to comfort hurt him so much? It reminded him of all of the times it was absent. The crucial moments when he needed arms about him, and instead got lectures and punishments. It was like a razor blade dragging slowly across his heart. He could feel it splitting open. Flesh raw and aching.

And yet, when she pulled away, Liam fought to let go of his own hold. Melissa guided Liam back to the love seat. Suddenly he felt very heavy. Melissa covered him with a blanket. The last thing Liam saw before sleep came to him was Scott’s mother smoothing down Theo’s wild, pink hair and tucking him in.

###

‘Liam,’ Scott whispered, ‘Shower’s free.’

Liam blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked up at Scott, freshly showered and holding a clean towel. Liam grabbed it and rolled over, making the older boy chuckle.

‘Get up, Liam. You want the shower before Theo, trust me. He takes forever in there.’

Liam grumbled as Scott got him to his feet and nudged him towards the stairs. As Liam mounted the steps Scott smiled.

‘How do you like your eggs?’

‘Cooked.’ Liam muttered.

‘You must have been up late talking to my mom.’

Liam grunted.

‘Bathroom is down the hall to the left.’ Scott shook his head and disappeared into the kitchen.

Liam closed the bathroom door and leaned against the sink. It felt like he’d been sleeping for a hundred years. And at the same time not at all.

The hot water helped restore a sense of reality. Liam borrowed some of Scott’s shampoo. His hair was starting to get longer. It was only a matter of time now until he dad started calling him names. Trying to encourage him to get his hair cut. Even now it was too long for his dad’s taste. Anything more than half and inch seemed to be flirting with disapproval, and it was far past that now.

When Liam stepped out of the shower his clothes were gone. In their place were neatly folded sweat pants and a tshirt. He didn’t even hear the door open while he was in the shower. He looked at the clothes—far more relaxed than anything he owned. Liam pulled them on and opened the door to find Theo about to knock. The taller boy flashed a smile. Liam blinked—Theo was shirtless, with a towel over his shoulder. Liam glanced at several of Theo’s tattoos. It was the clearest he’d seen them but still he couldn’t decipher their meaning.

‘Morning, Killer. Hope you didn’t use all the hot water.’

‘What? I wouldn’t—‘

‘I’m just winding you up.’ Theo winked. Liam felt his cheeks heat up.

‘Gonna let me in there? Or maybe you wanna scrub my back.’ Theo raised his eyebrows. Liam nearly choked as he inhaled. Theo chuckled and bushed past. His skin was warm and soft. 

The door closed and Liam blinked, standing alone in the hallway until the scent of bacon woke his appetite and drew him downstairs. Someone was making bacon. He hovered at the top of the stairs as he struggled to make sense of the situation he suddenly found himself in. Maybe Melissa would come down for breakfast. She made things seems so much easier. Safer. But she was probably still asleep since she got home from work so late.

Scott glanced over his shoulder as Liam came into the kitchen.

‘Can you grab the orange juice from the fridge?’ He asked, turning back to the hot stove in front of him.

Liam grabbed the pitcher of juice and looked around before setting it on the counter next to Scott.

‘On the table, please.’ Scott said.

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam blushed in embarrassment—of course he meant for Liam to put it on the table.

Scott moved past him and sat in a chair. His cheeks bulged with bacon as he chewed—giving Liam a quick wink. Liam sat down in an empty seat across from Scott as the older boy finished his bacon.

‘Dig in!’ Scott said and started to heap everything onto his plate—eggs, toast, pancakes, bacon, hash browns, and fruit. Liam watched as the older boy ate everything that got close. No grace. No praying. Liam slowly collected food onto his own plate. Should he say grace? Would Scott think he was weird? Part of him wanted to say grace, but he felt like that part didn’t belong to him. So instead he put a piece of bacon in his mouth and chewed.

Scott slowed his eating and watched Liam carefully. Liam beamed.

‘It’s great!’

‘As good as a Terry’s Po’boy?’ Scott chuckled.

‘Well…’ Liam didn’t want to be rude.

‘Ha, it’s okay, Liam. Nothing beats Terry’s.’ Scott winked, digging into his food.

Liam gave a small smile.

‘Nice to see you waited for me.’ Theo finished drying his hair and draped the towel on a chair.

Scott made a noise and pointed at the towel. Theo rolled his eyes before grabbing it and walking into a room beyond the kitchen.

‘There. I hung it up. She won’t freak out.’ Theo held up his hands as he returned. Scott grunted.

Scott glanced at the healing cuts and bruises on Theo’s face.

‘You look like shit.’

‘Well you’re positively glowing.’ Theo forced a huge smile. Scott rolled his eyes as he finished his eggs.

‘I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen you shower.’ Scott said.

‘Well I didn’t want you filling Liam’s head with make up stories about me.’ Theo speared some bacon with a fork and started to pile the food on his plate.

‘I’d be more worried about the true ones.’ Scott glared at Theo. The pink-haired punk faltered. Liam paused, waiting for the explosion that was surly coming. Instead of anger, Theo seemed to withdraw and wilt. He growled something under his breath that made Scott frown, but it made Liam think of the words Theo was whispering in his sleep over and over.

‘After breakfast I’ll take you home, Liam. If you want I’ll talk to your dad.’ Scott said.

‘It’s okay. I can… I don’t have to go back right away.’ Liam said.

‘Won’t that get you into more trouble?’

Liam shrugged. He was already in hot water, what did it matter if he spent a few more hours away from home?

‘I wanna hang out. For a bit long. As long as it’s okay.’ Liam said. Scott leaned back in his chair.

‘I say let him stay, Pup.’ Theo heaped sugar into his coffee mug.

‘Don’t call me that.’ Scott shot a look at Theo. He sighed.

‘You’re sure it wouldn’t be better if you went back right away?’

‘It’s fine.’ Liam said. He could handle it.

‘Well this was a nice change of pace. We should do it again sometime.’ Theo said with a wink. He pushed away from the table and stretched.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Scott asked.

‘To track down my annoying roommate so I can get into my place.’

‘Dude, I bailed you out of jail.’

‘And I’m very, very thankful for that. But I have things to do.’

Scott narrowed his eyes.

‘Liam.’

‘Yeah?’ Liam looked between the two. He didn’t understand why Theo’s attitude didn’t work on Scott. Or why the tattooed boy didn’t just stalk off on his own instead of looking like he was rooted to the spot.

‘Can you use a lawn mower?’

‘Sure. I do the lawn in front of the church.’ Liam said.

‘Great.’

Theo huffed and crossed his arms.

‘I’m not helping.’ The punk said.

‘Mom asked. And if there’s anyone you owe—‘

‘—fine!’ Theo headed to the stairs, hovering at the landing.

Scott sighed.

‘You can borrow some jeans and one my old shirts.’

Theo didn’t turn around. Liam couldn’t tell if he was angry, or sad. Or something else. Finally Theo turned slightly in their direction. Green eyes met blue. There was something buried there. Shame. Hurt. Maybe relief. Then Theo was looking at Scott.

‘Thanks.’ He disappeared upstairs.

‘Wanna help with the dishes?’ Scott smiled at Liam as if the entire exchange hadn’t happened. Liam nodded. He didn’t know what words to speak at the moment. Everything seemed to move around him in patterns he couldn’t grasp. At least it was different because he trusted Scott. And Theo.

###

The yard was an unruly mess. Liam was used to working outside to cut grass and clean up leaves. Scott had dirt all over his face as the worked to clean out the gutters. Theo looked completely out of place with his pink hair and tattoos. He wore Scott’s old clothes, which barely seemed to fit him in certain areas. More than that, Theo simply wasn’t cut out of yard work—Liam followed behind whatever task the singer was doing to make sure he finished it properly. He didn’t want Scott to get mad at Theo again. Liam wasn’t sure what had happened between them in the past, but he felt like it was still possible for them to maybe be friends one day.

By the time they were done the yard looked neat and trim. Scott smiled and squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

‘Great job on the grass.’ He nodded to himself.

‘Thanks.’ Liam said. It was nice to be helpful, especially to his friends.

‘Pup— Scotty. I’m melting. Please tell me you have a walk-in freezer somewhere in the basement.’ Theo wiped the sweat from his forehead. Scott shook his head, but Liam caught the traces of a smile at the edge of his lips.

‘Wait here. There’s lemonade and ice in the fridge.’ Scott disappeared inside.

Theo sank down on the front steps, wiping his eyes with the back of his arm. Liam’s gaze darted to the movement of Theo’s shoulder and chest. He must spend a lot of time at the gym to keep that physique. Maybe he could give Liam some tips. Maybe they could… No. It was a stupid thought. Besides, he had no time to work out. Or do anything really. Today was an anomaly.

‘Rest your bones, Killer.’ Theo slapped the empty space beside him. Liam sat down, trying to keep as far from Theo as possible—no one liked to be extra warm when they were already too hot. Theo gave him a funny look, but then shook his head.

‘Not how I pictured our second date.’ Theo said.

‘Date? What? But we’re… Oh. You mean because of the restaurant the other day.’ Liam blushed. Thankfully he was already hot and sweaty so there was no way for Theo to tell that.

‘You hear me Killer?’ Theo looked concerned.

‘What?’ Liam realized Theo said something but he totally missed it.

‘Nothing.’ Theo grinned. Not fully relaxed. But close.

‘You got a lot of nicknames for people.’ Liam said before thinking.

‘You’re right.’ Theo had a mischievous look, ‘Kinda my thing.’

‘Why?’

Theo rubbed his legs as his looked off in thought.

‘I guess it’s like kinda of giving someone something. Like a gift. Something that I share with someone else. I mean, I don’t really got much else to share.’

‘That’s not true.’ Liam said suddenly. Theo was caught off guard and for a split second and his face relaxed. Just like before, a look came over the singer’s face but it was gone too fast for Liam to grab any meaning from it. Theo turned away.

‘I didn’t know you were so forward, Killer.’

‘I didn’t mean it like that!’ Liam was blushing so hard he felt like a beacon visible from space. There was no way to stop it, either. ‘I meant that you have a beautiful voice.’

‘Me. I have a beautiful voice.’ Theo raised an eyebrow. Liam nodded.

‘Liam, you realize I scream words and sounds into a microphone until my voice sounds like gravel. And then I do it some more, right?’ 

Another nod.

‘I sound like shit.’ Theo smiled.

‘Not to me.’ Liam mumbled.

Theo glanced up at him, then away. Silence fell between them, but it was a new kind of silence. One Liam had never felt before. Like there was pressure in the air between him and Theo. Building up slowly, like it might snap and break something. Liam didn’t know what, though. And he didn’t know what to do with it.

‘Refreshments!’ Scott said, handing out lemonade and cucumber sandwiches that were put together so fast they barely held together.

They ate in mostly silence—focused on replenishing the energy they’d lost working on the lawn. Once they were done Scott gathered everything up and set it aside.

‘Ready?’

‘What for?’ Theo frowned.

‘The backyard.’

‘No way.’

‘Yes way.’ Scott beamed.

‘You did this on purpose.’ Theo said.

‘Yeah, I avoided four months of yard work just in case you got in shit one day and I’d bail you out so you could help me.’ Scott snorted. Theo’s look didn’t waver.

Scott gave a sly smile.

‘You’re an evil Pup.’ Theo muttered. Scott crossed his arms. Liam noticed he didn’t make a point about the nickname this time. Instead Scott led them to a small wooden fence with a gate that went to the back of the house.

‘Holy shit.’ Theo said. Liam peered around his arm. 

The backyard was a jungle. The grass was out of control—Liam didn’t even know grass could get that tall, or there could be so many weeds. They grew over the back balcony and entangled the steps and lattice along the sides.

Theo looked at Scott.

‘I’m out.’

‘You can’t bail now when we need you most!’ Scott pleaded.

‘We?’

Scott looked at Liam. Theo turned to look at him as well.

‘It might take a few hours but I can help.’

Scott smiled and looked back to Theo.

‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’ Scott asked, confused.

‘The thing with your eyebrows. Just don’t.’ Theo grumbled, rolling up his sleeves.

They started along the edges, working to pick up rocks or grab any of the obvious weeds. Theo was right—it had been at least a year if not more since someone took care of the yard. Liam had only seen one that was worse, and it belonged to one of the older women in the congregation. He’d gone over to help her back when his grandmother was still alive. It took three days on his own to get things into shape. At least with this yard there were three of them to tackle it all.

Scott was sweeping back the dirt and dust from the stone walkway, and Theo was tossing balls and toys from the neighbourhood kids off the lawn so it could be mowed properly.

Liam grunted as he tried to pull out the weeds growing up and over the back deck. They were clingy, and the wooden lattice looked like it had broken somehow. As he yanked the clinging plants free the heard a strange noise coming from under the steps.

‘Liam?’ Scott called from across the yard as the boy bent down to see what was happening.

A hiss and growl sent a shiver down his spine. Just as his eyes adjusted he spotted the raccoon beneath the broken wood of the lattice under the deck. It gave one more warning before it darted towards him—fangs and claws extended.

Liam gasped as the air was knocked out of his lungs and he landed in the tall grass of the lawn. He looked up to see Theo in his place—raccoon hanging from his forearm. Fangs tearing into thick flesh. It clawed and scratched and tore at Theo’s arm over and over. The punk’s face was twisted in effort, leaning away from the angry animal as it shredded his arm.

‘Shit!’ Scott ran at the animal with a broom. It hissed and darted off into the small shed in the corner of the yard.

Liam struggled to get to his feet, lungs straining to draw in air as he saw the blood well up and then run down Theo’s arm like a red river. Without thinking he grabbed the wound and pressed down tight. Theo looked at him, a flare of anxious anger that flickered out when he saw the panic and concern on Liam’s face.

‘Stay there. I have a first aid kit!’ Scott ran inside.

‘Why did you do that? Why would you do that?!’ Liam tried to keep grip on Theo’s arm but the blood back it slick.

‘It was going to bite you.’ Theo said.

‘But it bit _you_. You’re hurt!’ Liam said. A thousand things crashed together inside of him—anger at Theo getting injured to spare him. He was nothing. He was worthless. Worse, he was bad. Theo was bleeding because of him. Hurt because of him. He was stupid. He should have seen it coming.

‘Hey, hey. Liam. Hey.’ Theo pushed the sweaty hair from Liam’s face as he gulped in hair. He rested his free hand on Liam’s chest.

‘Breathe. Look at me. Do what I do.’ Theo said, taking steady, even breaths. Liam copied him. Heart slowly. Tears coming. Guilt. Shame. Weakness.

Scott was there then, pushing Liam’s hands away so he could clean and cover the wound. The older boy glanced between him and Theo. A curious expression on his face.

‘What did you do?’ Scott asked him. It wasn’t an accusation—he clearly saw what happened with the raccoon. It was more like he was asking what did he do to make Theo move. To step in. But Liam had no answers.

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam felt far away and numb as he looked at the blood splattered on the stone walkway beneath their feet.

‘For what?’ Theo asked.

‘You’re hurt. You got hurt because of me.’

‘This?’ Theo raised his arm a little as Scott worked to fix him up. ‘It’s okay. It’s just skin and muscle. Nothing like real pain. Real pain is…’

Theo looked at Scott.

‘Real pain is worse. Emotional.’ Theo said, gently taking his arm back.

‘Thanks.’ 

‘It looks okay, but you definitely need to get a shot.’ Scott said.

‘Heard that one before.’ Theo smirked.

‘You okay, Liam?’ Scott asked. Liam nodded. Theo was hurt, but he was okay. There was no way he could let that happen ever again, though. Never. Not to Scott either. Or Mason. Or any of them. He would make sure of it. None of them would ever get hurt because of him. No one would ever bleed in his sake ever again. Especially not Theo, who deserved so much more.

‘Why don’t you sit inside for a minute while I call animal control.’ Scott guided Liam by the shoulder before nudging Theo to take over.

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

Theo was next to him then as they followed Scott inside. Liam looked down at his hands. Red hands. Theo’s blood. So familiar. Except all the sharp, dangerous feelings were pointed inward now—at him. And Liam knew that he deserved them. Every one.

‘It’s okay.’ Theo whispered as he guided Liam into Scott’s house. ‘It’ll all be okay. You’ll see.’

Liam gave him a weak grin. How did Theo know his secret mantra?

‘Animal control is sending someone.’ Scott said, hanging up. He gave Liam a worried look.

‘Dude, we should probably get you home.’ Scott said as he dashed around the room, gathering Liam’s things.

‘In a minute.’ Liam said from the couch. Theo’s arm around his shoulders. Making him feel safe. Like he actually dared to believe the words of the lie he told himself over and over. Day after day. That it would all be okay. It was ending. He knew it. The minute he stepped back into the house where he lived it would all end. And he wouldn’t be himself anymore.

No, that was too easy. He didn’t deserve easy. He looked at Theo’s worried face and tried to force a smile. To show he was okay.

‘Oh, Killer.’ Theo whispered. His finger bit into Liam’s shoulder. Like he could understand a little. Like no one else could. And for the first time in his life, Liam kind of believed that, too.

###


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone that reads this is so patient. It takes me a bit of time to write these last few chapters because there's parts of them that hit a bit close to home, and if I write them when I'm not feeling the best they drag me down, kinda. Anyway, here's a new chapter! I've tried to make it not a rambling monstrosity, but who knows if I've succeeded or not. :D
> 
> Some warnings... there's some kind of intense stuff with Liam and his dad in this one. And swearing. And there's a homophobic slur that is something you shouldn't call people ever. And some internalized homophobia. And some angry feelings directed inward.
> 
> This is 1/3 of the way! There are soft times ahead! And much more thiam, I promise.
> 
> Turning up the heat on this slow burn! ....slowly. ;)

‘I’ll drive you. Just wait a minute.’ Scott said as he lingered in the doorway to the emergency room of the hospital. Theo was already inside waiting for his injury to be treated. Liam could make out the vague shape of him through the reflections on the glass doors.

‘It’s okay. I’ll walk.’ Liam forced a smile.

‘Liam… are you really okay?’ Scott asked. The concern on his face was easy to read. 

Liam nodded.

‘Time to go home.’ Liam said. He didn’t tell Scott that he was afraid. Didn’t say that if he walked home it would take more time to get there and that he could delay the inevitable a little bit longer.

‘If you need anything, call me. Okay?’ 

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe next week we can go see Banshee. They’re playing on Tuesday.’ 

‘Sure. Yeah.’

‘Cool.’ Liam said. He wasn’t prepared for Scott to pull him into a rib-crushing hug. He wrapped his arms loosely around Scott and immediately felt bad. Scott just wanted to help. Like Mason had tried to help him before, until he got tried of it. Scott would probably get tired too. Annoyed. Eventually stepping back. But that was okay. He would manage, because he’d always managed.

The walk home didn’t last long enough. Liam spent the time trying to focus on anything interesting around him. Or watching the people he passed. It had only been a few weeks since he’d been to Chimera’s show for the first time. It felt like a life time ago, like the person he used to be was getting father and farther away. Liam didn’t know how to feel about it. So much of himself was anchored to the bare-bones routine of his life, and now it felt like that had frayed, and he wasn’t sure who he was anymore exactly. Adrift with no anchor. Nothing to hold him in place or define him.

Maybe Theo was right. Maybe it was better to just let everything out and tear it all down. To throw everything into the fire. Except Liam had no idea how to do that. Instead he was left standing with the remains of a life that didn’t belong to him in cupped hands. Unable to move forward with it, but without the tools to start something new and better. 

Pattern. Habit. Routine. They had been his safeguards for so long. The only things keeping him on track. He’d turned his back on those things. A single, first step into the unknown. Full of people and things he didn’t understand, or was too slow to pick up on. A place that held his friends, and music, and other wonderful things. And Theo.

Liam’s feet stopped suddenly as he thought of the boy with pink hair. There was such a gulf between them—a thousand miles of thorns and secrets. Theo lived in a different world, and they probably could never be friends, at least not in the way Scott and Theo seemed to have been friends. Even so, Liam felt drawn to the other boy. His life wasn’t important, but he could at least use it to reach out to Theo and protect him if nothing else. A thought that seemed to come from nowhere. Or somewhere deep inside. The hidden place that Liam couldn’t ever get to. Didn’t dare look at.

Liam clutched the iron bars in front of him. The cold of the metal brought him out of his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how he wound up in front of the fence that enclosed the graveyard. Suddenly he felt guilty. He hadn’t visited his grandmother in awhile. He looked up at the sky to find the sun. A quick way to tell the time. Except it was cloudy and there was no way for Liam to tell how late it was, so he didn’t think about it. Instead he entered the graveyard and made his way up the hill to his grandmother’s stone.

Liam sank into the grass and brushed the stone off, clearing small cobwebs from ardent spiders that insisted making it their home. Liam snorted when he pictured his grandmother scolding him for bothering them. 

‘I wish you were still here.’ He said with a weak smile.

‘I mean, I know you’re kind of here. With me. But… you know what I mean. It’s hard and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where I’m going and everything feels like it moves so fast. Everyone is so far ahead of me…’ Liam mumbled.

‘I made a friend. I think you’d like him. His name is Scott. He kind of… he looks out for me, I guess. And he’s easy to talk to. Oh! And he used to be in a band!’ Liam smiled.

‘There’s so much I wish I could talk to you about.’ Liam twisted a piece of grass between his fingers.

‘There’s someone else. A… friend. I think. His name is Theo. He’s everything I’m not, but we’re kind of the same in a way I can’t… I can’t explain. Sometimes when I think about him I feel strange. Like I can’t breathe. But I usually manage to calm down. It’s not like before. I’m not angry at all. I don’t get angry anymore. Ever. But Theo… I like thinking about him, but then I see him for real and I think my lungs are going to explode because they forget to breathe. It’s like I forget how… he looks. And moves. I dunno. It confuses me. Everything confuses me. Sometimes I wish it was like how it used to be. With bible study and youth group and volunteering. I know you didn’t like all those things… but they helped me kind of. But now… I don’t know what I need.’ Liam let the wind take the shredded grass from his finger tips. Scattering it.

‘I wish someone would just tell me what to do!’ Liam hissed. The tears were hot on his cheeks, and he clenched his teeth together until it felt like they were going to break. Part of him felt sick for crying, like the tears brought only shame. That only worsened the pain. Refined it. He was disgusted with himself for a hundred reasons. A thousand reasons. He was nothing to any one. Only a burden.

But that’s not what Scott said. That’s not what Theo felt either. The way he held onto Liam. Hugged him. Fingers digging in. Eyes that said more things than words ever could but in a secret language that Liam couldn’t decipher, but knew was important.

‘Holy. Fuck.’ Shame came with the words. Swearing wasn’t allowed. And he was in a graveyard, too. Except his grandmother swore a lot. All the time. There’s no way she would have minded. Liam sighed.

‘I think I’m in big trouble.’ Liam said as he traced his fingers along the edges of cold granite. He knew his grandmother would tell him something. Say something to shake his mind loose and give him a new perspective. Except she wasn’t there to speak the words, and her ghost was strangely silent in his mind as he tried to think of what she might tell him. What wise words would fix all of his problems.

After ten minutes Liam struggled to his feet. One leg had fallen asleep. As he got the blood flowing once more he whispered his goodbye and walked back to the gate. Home was too close and too far all at the same time.

###

The car was in the driveway when Liam got home. No chance of avoiding his dad then. It didn’t really matter. In a way it was better to just get it over with.

As he opened the door he deliberately let it close with a slight bang—announcing his arrival. There was no need, though. He could see his dad’s figure slouched over the kitchen table. Liam quietly took of his shoes and set them aside before making his way into the kitchen.

The table was covered with notes and papers. A bible. Some pictures and coffee mugs. His dad looked tired, but his dark eyes followed Liam as he settled into the chair across from the nook he’d carved out for himself. Liam’s eyes darted up once. The intensity of the glare was unbearable. It felt like he’d just slipped into dark water and a monster shark was circling him. Looking for any chance to tear him limb from limb.

The creak of the chair told Liam his dad was leaning back slightly. Liam felt the urge to fill the air with words. Any words. To explain. Excuse. Avoid. Words to use like a barrier, as long as he kept talking then his dad wouldn’t be able to say anything. Except it was false. A tactic he’d abandoned a long time ago. It was better to sit and wait and be quiet. Better to keep a low profile and wait for the punishment.

‘Is it drugs?’ The question came as his dad looked back at the paper in front of him, making notes.

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Booze, then.’

‘No, sir.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Speak up.’ A sharpness in the tone.

‘No, sir.’ Liam repeated, looking up briefly to make sure his volume was acceptable.

‘Then I’m left wondering why my good, obedient son would sneak off and not bother to call home once to let his father know he’s alive and safe.’ 

‘It was just—‘ Liam hesitated. If he mentioned music, Scott, or anything it would mean they would instantly be cut out of his life. His mind raced to find something, anything, that could satisfy his behaviour and not cost him the small amount of a life he’d gained over the past few weeks.

Liam hung his head. He was bad at lying, but he needed something to offer up an quench the ire hovering over him like a hot iron poker ready to come down heavy and hard.

‘I was down by the tracks.’ Technically true. The silence was permission to continue.

‘I was hanging out with my friend.’ Also not a lie.

‘What’re their names? Where are they from?’

‘Josh. Diaz.’ The guilt of dragging Theo’s friend into his lie flared up instantly. Liam slapped it away and yanked down the levers. Better to be “off” for this.

‘Diaz. From down the river. Past the church.’ His dad said. Liam nodded.

‘Who else?’

‘His friends. I don’t know them.’ Liam said, voice flat.

‘Were you drinking?’ The stern glare was back. This dance Liam knew.

‘No.’ A yes too quickly meant more questions.

‘Don’t lie to me, Liam.’

‘Just beer. And not that much.’ Liam said. The air was thick as he waited to see if his ploy worked. The punishment would be the same, but at least this way there was a chance to preserve what little he had.

Elbows came down on the table as his dad removed his reading glasses.

‘Do you know how many times I had to lie to make up for the fact you weren’t at any of the church functions yesterday. Or this morning?’

Liam bowed his head.

‘Look at me when I’m speaking. Look at me.’ The barbs were out now, and Liam looked up. He was there, and he wasn’t. Detached. Safe. It didn’t matter what happened now, but if he could play the part right the damage would be minimal.

‘Do you think I like lying?’

‘No, sir.’

‘Then why did you make me do it, Liam?’

‘I… I wasn’t thinking.’

‘You weren’t thinking.’

‘No, sir. I’m sorry. Sir.’ 

‘What’s that?’ The sudden shift in direction caught Liam off guard. He followed his dad’s eyes to his hand. To the nail polish.

Liam slowly curled his fingers into a fist. Before he could fully close it his dad was standing over him, prying his hand open and forcing it flat on the table. The sharp pain jolted Liam and made him hiss softly as his dad pressed down to keep his hand in place while he inspected it.

‘Answer me, Liam. What is that?’ 

‘Nothing. One of the girls thought it would be funny—‘

‘Nail polish.’ His dad pushed his hand away and stepped back. Pacing like a caged animal. Like he needed to move before he did something quick and sharp.

‘It was a joke!’ Liam said.

His dad held up a hand, lips shaped into a thin line. He pointed at Liam and then shook his head.

‘You’ve been hanging out with faggots.’

A white-hot lance pierced the veil of numbness and Liam was suddenly naked in the middle of a storm.

‘It’s that pervert teacher from school. Derek Hale, isn’t it? They’re in our schools. Teaching our kids god knows what about their… twisted lives, and no one does anything about it.’ His dad’s head shook. Kept shaking. Righteous anger was there now with him. Moving in his shadow. In every step. Liam had seen it before, but it had never been so close to him. Directed at him, or near him.

‘It’s not like that—‘ Liam started.

‘And you… no doubt you encouraged them. You’re too soft, Liam. You have no spine.’ His dad was hovering over him suddenly, arms on either side of Liam.

‘Sometimes you have to knock out a few teeth, son. Especially when it comes to keeping our community safe.’

‘Mr. Hale isn’t like that—‘

‘Bullshit.’

Liam cringed at the tone. The harshness of it. He felt empty. Then suddenly he didn’t. It came to him like a rushing whisper coursing through veins and arteries. Beyond anger, beyond annoyance. Rage. He shot to his feet, arm swinging out and knocking over one of the wooden chairs nearby. As it hit the floor with force, the back snapped, sound filling the room. His dad took a step back, wary look on his face.

‘Do you dare. Don’t you dare. After everything I’ve done, Liam. Remember why your mother left. Remember what’ll happen if you do this again.’ The words had force, but there was a small hint of something else there. Fear. And for some reason is struck Liam as funny. No spine. Killer. Two worlds inside clashing. Except he didn’t laugh, because as quickly as the anger had come, it left him. Sinking into the earth beneath his feet and leaving him hollow once more.

As he sank into his seat he could feel his dad relax. It was the reminder that did it. He’d driven his mother away, even though gram said that wasn’t true. He’d done awful things to people. So many that he couldn’t remember. But his dad did. Knew everything, and still helped him. Maybe this was the best life he could have. Maybe this was where he actually belonged.

‘You’re cleaning the church for two weeks. Top to bottom. Everything.’ His dad said, sitting back down and straightening his papers as if nothing had happened.

‘You’ll help with the youth group, like your duties demand. And you’ll wash that filth off your fingers as soon as we’re done here.’

‘Yes.’

His dad fixed his eyes forward. Unwavering.

Liam looked away.

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Good. I’ll think of how you can help out the church more tomorrow after I pray on it.’

Liam slowly got up. He turned and slid his chair close to the table, looking down at the broken one on the floor.

‘And Liam,’ His dad spoke without looking up from his work, ‘Get a girlfriend.’

Not a choice. A command. A hook ripping deep into his guts and pulling them out for everyone to see.

His dad looked up to find Liam lingering in the middle of the kitchen.

‘Yes, sir.’ He muttered as he walked out of the room and headed for the stairs.

###

Liam stood at the bathroom sink, listening to the sound of the water running. The mirror had fogged up near the bottom as he scrubbed the nail polish off with steel wool. The tender skin around his fingernails was red and bleeding, but he’d managed to get off a lot of the nail polish. The flecks that remained weren’t that noticeable unless someone looked very close. He’d keep his hand in his pocket until the last of it wore off.

He tried to focus on scrubbing his hands clean so his dad wouldn’t be angry anymore. The sound of the car pulling out of the driveway was a relief, but now that he was alone his mind wandered to the other night when Theo painted the polish on him in the first place. The feel of the other boy’s skin beneath the ripped jeans as Liam’s palm rested on Theo’s knee. Brushing Theo’s hair from his face. A hot feeling inside all at once.

_‘You usually call me Killer, though.’ Liam said._

_‘Are you?’ Theo asked._

‘ _What?’_

_‘A killer?’_

_‘No. I don’t know. Maybe.’_

The roar of the people. The snarl of the music. Brett kissing him. The look in his eyes. The hungry, twisted sneer. Brett mocking him. Causing all of this chaos.

‘Fucking… fucking… fa—‘ Liam bite his tongue hard. Until the metal taste of blood signalled silence. He would not do it. He squeezed the thought out of his mind. Strangled it. Swallowed it and washed it down with his own blood. He would die before he spoke the word. Or let it take root in the corner of his heart that was now his own. Brett was a bastard, but never that. Never that word.

A thought jolted through his mind, of Theo hearing him say it. What would he think? Hot shame and guilt accompanied the disgust Liam had for himself to even let the tip of hate cross his tongue.

Besides, this wasn’t Brett’s fault. This was his fault. He knew this would happen. Knew that the price to pay for spending the night with Scott and Theo would be big. Except it wasn’t really. It was nothing he couldn’t handle. Cleaning. Church. Youth Group. Prayers. All of that was as simple as tying a shoe. It didn’t touch him. Not like the rest of it.

Liam shook his head. It didn’t matter. It was done. He fumbled inside to try and find the switch that would turn everything off, but it was broken. Didn’t work. Which was the thing that frightened him the most. That and the last words. The final command. A girlfriend. An impossible task for a hundred reasons, and not something he’d ever thought about for more than a few seconds over the years. For a second he thought of rebelling. But it was pointless now. This was his place in life. There was no escaping it. Still, if no one wanted to date him, that was entirely different. Though he wasn’t sure his dad would see it the same way.

As Liam held his fingers under cold water his mind kept turning back to thoughts and memories of his mother. Memories of when he was younger. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will them away, but they wouldn’t leave. The walls he’d built had been knocked down in one, swift argument. He needed to do something to patch them up. Cover them over. Because there was no way he was going to be able to continue with the thoughts assaulting his brain like blanket of needles, all seeking the centre.

Scott might—

—no. He would leave Scott out of this. Mason, too. They’d suffered enough from his bad decisions and inability to exist in the world on his own. It was time to grow a spine.

###

Liam closed his notebook and tucked it into his backpack. He’d caught up on his homework finally. It was hard to focus on the work, and he had to go over it twice just to be sure he was getting everything down. He thought a quick peanut butter sandwich would be a good treat.

The sound of the house phone ringing startled him—it was getting dark outside and his dad still wasn’t home. Probably working most of the night. Which was goo because it meant Liam could relax, at least a little bit.

‘Hello?’ Liam said as he wedged the phone between his shoulder and ear. The peanut butter was on the high shelf and he had to get on his tip toes to get at it.

‘Hey.’ Mason sounded rough.

‘Hi.’ Liam mumbled. He set the jar on the counter and sank into a chair.

‘Your dad around?’ 

‘No.’ Liam said, ‘Mase, I’m sorry.’

‘What? What for?’ Mason asked.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I know I’m not the smartest person but I promise that I’ll try harder. I just… I don’t want you to be mad at me.’ Liam said.

‘Fuck.’ He could picture Mason pinching his nose like he always did when he was frustrated.

‘Dude, I’m not… I’m not mad at you, okay?’

‘I thought all that stuff I said… You seemed really upset.’ Liam frowned.

‘Yes. I was upset, but I’m not upset with you, okay? You don’t need to apologize. You didn’t no anything wrong at all.’ Mason said.

‘I’m like, mega confused.’ Liam muttered.

‘Look, I’m calling to apologize. Okay?’

‘Okay. You didn’t do anything though.’

‘Shit, Liam. Yes I did.’ Mason sighed, ‘I know you came by the other day to get your stuff from the car. My dad told me. And I know he told you I was having people over today.’

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam said as his heart sank like a rock. With everything else demanding his attention he’d forgotten the specific details. And how much they hurt.

‘I wanted to say I’m sorry.’

‘No big deal.’ Liam smiled.

‘Stop. Liam. Okay? Just stop and listen to me and don’t say anything for a minute. Is that okay?’

‘Sure. Okay. I know I can get annoying sometimes.’

‘Fuck! Liam, no! You always pull this shit.’

‘What?’

‘You’re always so down on yourself, man. Cut that shit out.’

‘But I’m just… This is just how I am?’ Liam dug at the edge of the table with his fingernails. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Man, I’m such a screw up. I’m sorry. Again. It just makes me so mad sometimes that you can’t see what a good guy you are. A good person.’

‘I’m not good.’ The words came like reflex, with more force than needed. A flash of shame burned Liam’s cheeks.

‘I’m not good.’ He whispered.

‘You are, dude. But me, well… I’ve been pretty shitty. For a few weeks now. I don’t just mean with the Kira thing.’

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

‘It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s me. Kinda. I got some stuff going on and I’ve been afraid to talk to people about. That’s a lie. I’ve been afraid to talk to you about it.’

‘You’re afraid of me.’ Liam trailed off.

‘No. Not like that. Nothing like that, Liam. We’re cool. Solid. It’s me. Alright? I’ve been figuring some stuff out and I didn’t know how to bring it up. But I was talking to Nolan… Shit this is hard to do over the phone.’

‘Are you breaking up with me? Like as friends?’ Liam grabbed the edge of the table. He knew he was bad but he wasn’t that bad, was he? He’d certainly over stepped a line with talking about Kira and their open relationship, but he didn’t think it was irreparable. But Mason did have a secret group meeting without him. And he didn’t invite him to the barbecue. Had all the signs been there and he didn’t catch them again?

‘Everything is fine.’ Mason said, ‘Or I hope it will be soon.’

‘Alright.’ Liam nodded to himself, mind racing. Turning over every interaction and word he’d said to his friend. Every reaction Mason had. Trying to assure himself that Mason wasn’t lying and that he wasn’t an idiot. To make sure things were what they seemed.

‘Liam, you there?’

‘Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about stuff.’

‘Do you wanna meet up tomorrow so we can sit down and talk? And I can apologize for real? Maybe with a burrito.’ Mason said. Liam’s grin came to life and faded just as quick.

‘I’m kind of in a lot of trouble.’

‘I heard. Well, I heard a few things but… I’ll wait until I can hear them from you if that’s okay.’

‘What… did you hear?’

‘You snuck out. Went to see Chimera. Brett… was there. And you helped Nolan escape the cops.’ Liam could see the smile that had to be on Mason’s face and for a second it felt like they were close again, and none of the stuff that he’d messed up had happened.

‘I guess it was pretty crazy.’

‘Dude! Nolan said you went to bail Theo out of jail.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay. We got lots to go over tomorrow.’

‘I’m kind of cleaning the church tomorrow after service. The whole church.’

‘Well… I’ll help.’ Mason said.

‘Really?’

‘Sure. Unless I’m not allowed.’

‘No!’ Liam blurted, then forced himself to calm down. ‘No, that’s would be cool. I mean it’s cool.’

‘Cool. I’ll be there at 1?’

‘1.30 might be better.’ Liam said.

‘Cool.’

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m glad we’re still friends.’

‘Me too.’ Liam smiled and listened to Mason’s goodbye before hanging up the phone. Mason didn’t hate him after all. At least that was one good thing that was happening. And maybe it came out of the chaos of the past few days, if that was even possible. Still, there were changes to make. But with Mason by his side Liam knew he’d be able to get through whatever happened next.

###


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Mason clean the church! And Liam finds out a bit more about Theo while he grapples with his own issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of...angsty? So... if you need the tissue box it might be good to have it. And maybe a punching bag so you don't hurt me?
> 
> Waaaaaay off script at this point. My plotting has flown the coop and we're now at the whim of fate! Until it gets back on track in the next chapter. Or two. Or three?

After the last of the parishioners left, Liam closed the door. He set the keys on the table next to the coat rack. He’d cleaned the church thoroughly once already, the day after he’d come home after skipping out. The next day his dad was adamant about taking him out of the school. Keeping him home to teach Liam himself. It took a lot of discussion but Liam managed to stay in school only by virtue that there was no time for Liam’s dad to carry out his work as well as teach at the same time. For now he was safe. Still, all the extra work Liam did to appease him was beginning to catch up. It was hard not to fall asleep in class, and Mason had been absent for a few days with the flu. Part of Liam whispered that it was a lie, that Mason hated him. But the larger part, thinking he was telling the truth, won out. Barely.

Which was why Liam was surprised when the door opened again and his best friend was there with a shy smile.

‘Mase?’

‘Told you I’d help you, didn’t I?’

‘Shouldn’t you be in bed or something?’

‘Naw. Worst is past. I feel a lot better, actually.’ Mason held up a coffee. Liam smiled. He liked coffee—as long as there was lots of sugar and cream in it.

‘Thanks.’ Liam took a sip and then realized Mason was hovering in the door.

‘Get inside.’ He closed the door after Mason came in, locking it to be sure anyone would enter while they were busy.

‘So, where do we start?’ Mason rolled up his sleeves.

‘Well I usually start from the top and work my way down. So all the dirt is on the floor and then a good sweep and mop finishes it off.’ Liam smiled. He opened the cleaning closet and got out everything they needed to start. It usually took him hours to clean the church. Sometimes all day, depending on how clean his dad wanted it. With Mason there it would go a lot faster.

At first they didn’t talk, except for Liam giving instructions or tips on how to clean different areas. Mason kept looking at him, like he was expecting something. Or maybe he was waiting for Liam to say something, except Liam wasn’t entirely sure what to say. So they cleaned in silence. After an hour and a half they’d tackled the majority of the cleaning, mostly thanks to the fact Liam had already gone over the place by himself once.

Mason wiped the sweat from his face with the hem of his t-shirt and sank into one of the folding chairs they had to put back into storage.

‘Done! Finally.’ Mason smiled.

‘Yeah, time for a break.’ Liam pulled out the lunch he’d packed himself earlier. Sandwiches and some pears. He set some out to share with Mason.

‘Break?’

‘Yeah. Lunch!’ Liam finished his sandwich in three bites.

‘But… we’re done.’ Mason said. Liam swallowed his food and tapped his knee a few times as he looked for the words, but his stomach was insisting he get back to eating so he grabbed another half sandwich and beckoned Mason over to the door.

Liam opened the door and stepped aside, scarfing down his food as Mason’s eyes widened. The pews, the pulpit, the huge windows. Liam was used to it, but clearly Mason didn’t think they’d be cleaning the actual inside of the church itself.

‘But the other part we cleaned…’

‘Just the vestry.’ Liam said, ‘And the kitchen. Got to do this part, too!’

Mason looked crestfallen. Liam felt bad—it was one thing to accept help, but another when someone didn’t fully understand what they were getting into.

‘You can take off.’ Liam wiped his hand on his pants and closed the door.

‘That would be pretty shitty of me.’ Mason sat down at the table and picked at the sandwich Liam had set out for him. More than once Mason had been happy Liam always packed an excessive amount of food to eat.

Liam sat opposite his friend. He picked at his finger nails. He wasn’t sure what to do with Mason. It felt like things were a bit better, but there was still a cloud hovering over them that needed to be addressed. Was he supposed to say something to make it better? He was awful at giving speeches or sorting out the things inside and putting them into sentences. At this rate they’d be hanging around forever. What would Scott do, if he were in Liam’s place?

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Mason opened his mouth with an annoyed look, probably to tell Liam to quit saying he was sorry. But it was hard when Liam actually was sorry most of the time, for a variety of reasons.

‘I mean, I’m sorry I pried into things with you and Kira. I just… I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to ummm “out” her. But I didn’t want you to get hurt. If I knew you guys were opened up or whatever, I wouldn’t have said anything.’ 

‘An open relationship you mean.’

‘Yeah.’

‘We’re not. Kira and I. We don’t have an open relationship.’

‘But you said…’

‘I kind of lied.’

Liam frowned. ‘I don’t understand. So she was cheating on you?’

‘No.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

‘No dude, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I should have told you about all the stuff that was going on. Is going on.’

‘What stuff?’

‘I just… it’s a bit hard. And I was kind of afraid of people finding out.’ Mason said, then hung his head. ‘Sorry. That’s a lie, too.’

Mason looked up at him.

‘I was afraid of you finding out.’

‘Me? Why?’

‘Because of… how you grew up. And how your dad is. And this place.’ Mason looked around at the recently-cleaned vestry.

‘Because I’m a church freak.’ Liam shook his head, ‘But you know I wouldn’t think you’re bad. Ever. Like… Unless you’re murdering people. It’s not murdering people is it?’

‘No. Not that.’

‘Then it’s okay.’

‘Liam, it’s easy to say that one second and then react differently another. I’m not as brave as you.’

‘I’m not brave.’

‘You’re a lot of things, dude. Just trust me here, okay?’

Liam nodded. If it kept the conversation going he would be quiet. This reminded him of the old conversations he used to have with Mason, talking about anything and everything. Mason knew so much and was always dropping the strangest facts in front of Liam. Liam was sure if they never became friends, he wouldn’t be anything like the person he’d become now. He missed these moments. But at the same time it felt like Mason was really wrestling with something.

‘Let’s change the topic for a second.’ Mason said.

‘Okay.’

‘Nolan said you helped him out the other night.’

‘Yeah. I think I might have scared him a bit.’

‘He’s okay. A bit freaked out, though. I guess he was pretty mad?’

‘Yeah. He thought that I was trying to steal Brett? Or make a move or something because he kissed me during the show.’ Liam said.

‘Why did he kiss you?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam mumbled as he picked at the edge of the table.

‘Did it freak you out?’

Liam nodded. He hadn’t been expecting the kiss at all. There’d been such force and animosity behind it, and in front of all those people. The worst part had been when he tried to pull away he couldn’t.

‘Because he’s a guy?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam said, ‘It wasn’t that… It was, he didn’t let me go. Or ask. Or anything.’

‘Oh. That’s shitty.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Sorry.’

’S’ok.’

‘So… Nolan and Brett might be a thing.’ Mason said.

‘Yeah I saw them together a few times, and then they were kissing at the show, too. Plus afterwards I was the reason Nolan was so mad.’

‘That’s okay with you?’

‘You mean am I upset they’re gay?’

Mason nodded.

‘No. I mean, I know what my dad says. I know what the church says, too. But… it’s Nolan. How can he be bad at all? Ever? I think it’s good he’s happy. Unless he’s not happy.’

‘I’m pretty sure being with Brett would launch Nolan over the moon and into deep space.’ Mason smiled.

‘Good.’ Liam smiled back. As long as Brett didn’t try to kiss him again suddenly, or yell at him. Or hit him. None of those.

‘So you’re okay with that?’

‘Sure.’ Liam nodded.

‘Cool.’

‘Is that what you were afraid to tell me? That Kira is gay and with that drummer and you’re just like… being her boyfriend to protect her?’

Mason laughed.

‘Dude if anyone is protecting anyone, Kira is protecting me. Girl is unstoppable when she sets out do something.’

‘So what then? I still don’t get it.’

‘I asked Kira to go out so people wouldn’t talk.’

‘About you.’

‘Yeah.’

Liam frowned. He’d been away from Mason so long he felt entirely out of the loop. Maybe if he was Danny or Nolan or Corey he’d have an idea of what was up. Corey especially since he was around Mason the most…

Liam looked at his friend. Was that it? Was Mason with Corey and covering it up because he was afraid what people would think? No. Afraid of what Liam would think, since he said it himself that this was all about being afraid around Liam. The other night at the show Nolan seemed to struggle with similar things, except it was offset by anger. And when Nolan asked if Liam was okay with him being gay…

It made sense though. Corey was always near Mason. Or sneaking off with him. Coming to school with him. Smiling.

Liam thought back to all the time he’d seen them together, leaning on each other. Casually touching hands together, or legs. Corey blushing. Eyes darting away from each other in public. 

‘Corey’s your boyfriend.’

‘Yeah.’ Mason said after a minute of silence.

‘You were afraid I’d… that I wouldn’t handle it well.’

‘Not like that. You’d never do that to me, we’re friends.’ Mason said.

What was he supposed to say? Mason was afraid he would flip out if he found out that he had a boyfriend. His own best friend was afraid that Liam might hurt him. Even if he was denying it, Liam knew it was true. It was the only explanation for the edge to Mason’s attitude towards him for the past weeks. Months maybe. Slowly hedging away and hiding things. All because he was afraid.

‘Liam?’

‘I’d never hurt you, Mase.’

‘I know.’

‘No. I mean, I want to say that. But I don’t know if it’s true.’ Liam turned to his friend, ‘Sometimes, I get so mad. I get SO mad. I dunno what I’m doing. And I thought I had it kinda under control but I’m not so sure now. It’s like… this thing comes up inside of me and grabs hold tight. Squeezes me. And I barely escape it. I can’t really explain—‘

‘Liam, I know.’

Liam shook his head. Mason didn’t know. How could he? Liam was terrible with words, and explaining things. He wanted to tell Mason that it was okay to be afraid of him, that is was a good thing. It meant Mason was on the look out. Cautious. Even though it hurt to think someone he cared about was always tinged with fear whenever he came to mind, it put Liam at ease knowing that there was less risk of him actually hurting Mason. Or the other people around them. Maybe Theo was right when he called him Killer.

‘So you’re okay then? With Corey and me?’ Mason asked.

Liam nodded. If Mason was happy, he was happy.

'Do you love him?' Liam asked.

'Damn, dropped that outta no where.' Mason gave a nervous chuckle.

'I dunno. I like him. He's cute. When he smiles it makes me smile, and I always want to be around him, you know? He gets me. Sometimes more than I get myself I think, it's creepy! And he listens to me. And the sex-- oh shit! Sorry... you probably don't really wanna hear about that.' Mason rubbed the back of his head.

Liam watched Mason's face open up as he spoke about Corey. How the other boy made him feel. Was that what love was? What it was like when you had a crush on someone? A nagging voice at the back of his head tried to get his attention. He snuffed it out and laughed along with his friend.

‘Does that mean you’re gonna all stop sneaking around now?’ Liam asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. Just… I know I’m not smart—‘

‘Liam, if you come down on yourself one more time I will hold you upside down for an hour.’

Liam narrowed his eyes. Mason was joking, he was pretty sure. Sometimes it was hard to read but Mason was usually fairly clear with his body language.

‘You’re not strong enough to lift me upright.’ He took a risk joking back. Even before he found out if he’d said the right thing part of him was flushed with embarrassment that might not even exist.

Mason laughed. A clear, clean sound that banished all of the fuzzy, thick feelings from Liam’s mind. 

‘Well I’d hire Danny and maybe Scott to do it.’

‘Are they gay too? Well, I mean Scott is pansexual. So I guess he can’t be gay, too? Since it wouldn’t make sense. Or can you be both?’

‘You know about Scott?’ The heavy tone in Mason’s voice told Liam there was something behind the words that led to a deeper place. Things he didn’t know.

‘He told me he was pansexual when I saw Kira and…’

‘Malia.’ Mason gave a gentle nod.

‘When I saw them together. And I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to get her in trouble for being… how she is. But I didn’t want you to be hurt.’ 

‘Shit, dude.’

‘What?’

‘I’m a fucking prick.’ Mason smiled.

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said, stopping just before he apologized for another thing that had nothing to do with him. Mason looked at him expectantly.

‘Ummm, I guess go home and stand on your head for an hour and we’ll be even.’ What a stupid thing to say, but before Liam could curse himself, Mason smiled again. Small, but reassuring. Like any bad feelings that were left had started to mend and heal.

‘Okay. Let’s get back to work.’ Liam stood up and pushed his sleeves back.

‘I’m starting to regret saying I’d help.’ 

Another joke. Liam smiled.

‘If you ever took up my dad’s offer to come to church you would’ve known how big it was.’ 

‘Yeah. I think I’ll be able to manage.’ Mason rolled his eyes and grabbed the cleaner. It was going to be another couple of hours before they were done.

###

Liam peddled up the hill with all the strength he could muster. It had been a hard few days. He’d done double his normal chores and duties, which meant there was little time left to do anything, especially sneak out. Scott had called a few times but Liam had avoided speaking to him directly. Scott might talk him out of what he planned to do, and there was no way Liam could let that happen. He’d worked too hard to lay the foundations of things in his mind, not to mention working out the possible scenarios to make sure if things went wrong he’d be able to escape somehow. He had so much energy lately that it was hard to focus on things. Even after doing all of his work at home and the church he took to biking to burn off anything left over. Usually he just snaked through various streets, taking random twists and turns until he was too tired to move. But today he found himself going somewhere, though he wasn’t sure where until he stopped outside of the small Chinese restaurant where Theo worked.

His heart hammered as he tried to cool off, but his mind leapt to thoughts of the pink-haired singer. How his eyes could go from soft to sharp as a knife in an instant. The tattoos on his neck. His chest. His lips.

Liam shook his head. Those thoughts never helped. Especially now. He needed to focus on the task at hand. He’d catch his breath and turn around to head home in a second. The last time he was here Theo had pretended that they were boyfriends to get out of work. And they ate together. And Theo got his bike back.

He shook his head—he definitely shouldn’t be there. A loud purr interrupted his thoughts as a furry head bumped against his leg. Liam blinked and watched the cat rub against him, looking for attention. The same cat that Theo secretly fed behind the back.

‘Norman?’ Liam asked. The cat sat on its haunches, tail swaying behind it and it gave a wide-eyed stare. Liam reached down and scratched the cat behind the ears. It purred and leaned into the touch.

‘Should I be jealous?’ Liam almost fell over when he saw Theo lingering in the doorway of the restaurant.

‘I was just… I’ll go.’

‘Hold on.’ Theo darted into the building. Liam hovered—he could probably take off while Theo was gone. It would be the best thing to do before he said something stupid or made the punk hate him. Except he found himself waiting, even when he knew it was the stupidest thing he could do.

Theo was holding a bag of take-out when he emerged. He made a grand gesture and flashed a smile.

‘You can escort me home.’

‘Okay.’

Liam got off his bike and walked along side Theo. The older boy was humming softly—something Liam couldn’t quite make out, but it was still relaxing. Every few feet he’d glance over at Theo, but otherwise they walked in silence, except for the humming.

‘How’s your arm?’

‘Had to get a shot. And stitches.’ Theo held up the arm with a simple bandage. Still healing.

‘But you… you’re okay?’ Liam didn’t know how to ask the question that came to mind. The reason behind Theo’s actions.

‘Are you asking if I’ll be scarred for life? Yes. Literally.’ Theo flashed a grin, ‘If you’re asking if I turn into a were-raccoon every full moon now, well, we’ll have to wait and see.’

Liam shook his head. Who ever heard of a were-raccoon? But it was good to hear Theo joke. The bruises and cuts from the show were mostly healed at least. Liam didn’t realize how much panic and worry it caused to see Theo so beat up until now. The shame followed quickly, like he’d caught himself doing something stupid and awful.

‘Your dad lay into you?’ Theo asked.

‘No. Kinda. He didn’t hit me.’ The words drew a sharp look from Theo. ‘He doesn’t hit me. He just… I need discipline.’

‘I’ve heard that before.’ Theo muttered. They continued in silence.

The sun was pleasant, and the sky was clear. As they came to a small park Theo stopped and waved Liam over. 

‘Is this a shortcut?’ Liam asked.

‘Long way. But it has a nicer view.’ Theo pointed at the trees and benches around them. Liam would admit it was nicer than some of the dilapidated buildings lining the street, or the shattered pavement.

‘What kind of music do you listen to?’ Theo asked.

‘Oh. All kinds. Whatever Mason or Scott give me.’

‘Scott.’ Theo said the name as if he was tasting it for the first time. He gave Liam a curious glance and then kept walking. 

‘Do you know any older music?’

‘Yeah, some. I mean, I don’t know what all the songs are called but I remember some of them.’

‘What about this one?’ Theo tapped out a beat on his thigh, then turned to Liam.

‘Beer and wine does me fine but it doesn’t always do. When I get back up and dust off, I always come back to you.’ Theo’s voice was soft. Eager. 

‘I—‘ Liam shut his mouth when Theo shook his head and kept going.

‘I’m my own man, with my own plan. I can’t do the things you want me to.’ Theo smirked, ‘I’m kinda lazy and I kinda stink, but I’ll clean myself up for you.’

Liam’s heart was pounding now, and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because Theo was so close to him. Singing to him.

‘I don’t think I know that song.’

Theo looked frustrated, then snapped his fingers and let out a large breath.

‘Wanna try something else?’ Theo swung his arms wide as he walked, as if warming up for a big event.

‘Okay.’

‘Throw the line back at me. Then just say yes. Okay?’

Liam didn’t know what that meant but he heard Theo humming louder now, as if he was working out a song. Suddenly he stopped and turned to Liam with a mischievous grin.

‘On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?’

Liam blinked. Lyrics from an old song that Mason had talked about for a good twenty minutes. All Liam remembered was “not punk”. 

Theo turned away. Disappointed probably. The nagging voice in his head was back, echoing Mason's words.

_He's cute. When he smiles it makes me smile._

‘On a hot summer night, would you… offer your throat to the wolf. With the red roses?’ Liam fumbled through it. 

_I always want to be around him._

‘Will he offer me his mouth?’ Theo glanced over at him. Liam blushed when he remembered his part.

‘Yes.’ Liam’s tongue felt too large suddenly. He could barely talk.

_He listens to me._

‘Will he offer me his teeth?’ Theo smiled wide, showing off his own teeth.

‘Yes.’ Liam was blushing hard now.

_I like him._

‘Will he starve without me?’ Theo was closer now, eyes sparking. Shining. Trying to will something into existence.

Liam looked away, twisting his fingers into a knot and forcing down with all the pressure he could. The pain cut through the confusion like a knife.

Theo laughed suddenly, and then Liam felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. Pulling him close. A jolt went through him—it felt like Theo was saying two things. Six things. More than just some goofy song lyrics Liam didn’t understand. But he was too tangled up inside to sort it out.

‘Sorry. I was just fucking with you.’ Theo smiled. He squeezed Liam’s shoulder. The strange feeling settled in his limbs. Warm and wanting. He tried to will it away, like water evaporating in the face of flame.

‘That’s a weird song.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I like your songs better.’

‘My songs?’

‘Punk songs.’

‘They’re not mine. Mostly. I mean, I have stuff I wrote but… I mean I don’t think anyone actually knows the lyrics.’

‘Because you’re loud?’

‘Liam, you’re the kindest person I know. I’m not loud. I scream. Hell, half the time I chew on the mic.’ Theo chuckled.

‘Well I like it.’

They left the park and turned down the road. Liam realized they were in the neighbourhood Theo led him to when they got his bike back. He knew Theo lived somewhere near, but didn’t know exactly where. Did he have parents? Siblings? Or did he live alone? Would he invite Liam in? What was he supposed to do if that happened?

‘I can’t see much of a future…’ Theo said. Liam was about to ask what he meant before he realized Theo was singing a new song.

‘Unless we find out what’s to blame, what a shame.’ Theo threw his head back and looked up at the sky.

‘And we won’t be together much longer,’ Theo looked over at Liam as his normal voice returned and the melody bled away, ‘Unless we realize that we’re the same.’

Liam opened his mouth, but no words came. He closed it and focused on walking his bike. What did Theo mean? Something about being the same. They were the same. Maybe he felt that, too? They were different, too, though. In a way Liam had a hard time defining. Everything about Theo confused him, but at the same time made him want more and more.

They came to a stop in front of an old brick building that looked like it needed to be scrubbed down and hosed off.

‘This is me.’ Theo said as they walked to a door on the side. Theo pushed his hair back and glanced at the door, like he was trying to decide something. Before he could do anything, the door swung open and a very tired-looking Brett greeted them. His black eye and busted nose were not healing as fast and he had a look on his face that Liam almost thought was sympathy. It was gone in a flash, replaced by Brett’s signature sneer.

‘What are you doing here?’ Liam managed.

‘I live here.’

‘Oh.’

‘Hey, it’s the Killer.’ Movement caught his eye and he noticed Josh standing at the open door.

‘Hey.’ Liam said. Josh turned to Theo and snatched the takeout from under his arm.

‘Thanks for supper babe.’ Liam watched as Josh pulled Theo in for a kiss. A deep kiss. Definitely not the first time. A creeping numbness wrapped itself around Liam like a cloak as he waited for the couple to finish. 

‘Why don’t you wait inside?’ Theo whispered. Josh leaned in for another kiss, but Theo took him gently by the arms.

Josh frowned and stormed into the apartment.

‘Liam, stay right here. Please. I’ll be right back.’ Theo took several steps forward in stunned silence before a dark look settled over his features. Liam couldn’t hear what he was saying to Josh but he clearly wasn’t happy.

A loud bang came from inside as Josh started to yell.

‘You should probably go.’ Brett glanced over his shoulder.

‘Okay.’ Liam started to walk away.

‘Liam!’ Brett started to step out, then stopped. 

‘Nevermind.’

The door closed and Liam exhaled. He jumped on his bike and shot off down the hill beside the house, back the way he came. He whipped down the slope, gaining speed. Normally going so fast would scare him, but right now all he felt was the wind in his hair.

This was good. This was better. He had to focus on himself now. What did he care if Theo was boyfriends with Josh. It was fine. Gay people were fine. And Brett. Theo’s roommate. Was that why he hadn’t wanted to go home the night they stayed at Scott’s? It didn’t matter. All of it was out of his hands.

The hill tapered out. The ground became flat and even. The speed fell away, and with it the shadows caught up and pooled around him again. Liam did his best to tune out his thoughts. To ignore them. But his old tricks didn’t work for very long, and it was only a matter of time until they stopped working altogether.

Liam got off his bike and walked it to a small bridge overlooking the river. Theo didn’t owe him anything. Except Liam felt like maybe there was something… No. That had been all in his head, like most things. Imagined. Stupid. Not even on the table. Just people being nice to him and him hoping for… what?

The wetness on his cheek made Liam think it was going to rain, except there were no clouds. The sun was starting to sink, but still clear. The tears confused him. He hated them. He hated everything. All of it. The grip of rage made his stomach turn. He tried to shake it off. Lists, numbers, jokes, songs—anything to hold on to. Ground him. Anchor him.

He wanted to laugh when all he could picture were green eyes and pink hair. But nothing came out.

###

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs Theo quotes are :
> 
> "Hopeless Romantic" (The Bouncing Souls)  
> "Took The Words Right Outta My Mouth" (Meatloaf)  
> "Ever Fallen In Love" (Buzzcocks)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens a bit! And poor Liam is a bit lost... looking for a way forward. Which he finds! Kind of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sweet jellybean buddies--I am alive! Work has consumed me entirely. Or it had. I've finished the bulk of several big projects so now I can get back to this fic and the 1000 ideas I had for it!

‘Liam, did you hear me?’ 

Liam looked up from his desk. Mr. Hale was staring at him from the front of the room behind black rimmed glasses.

‘Sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

‘It’s fine. Nolan can you pass out the readings.’ Mr. Hale went back to his desk.

Liam held his pencil and focused on the black “HB” on the side. He turned it over in his fingers, feeling each side. The urge came suddenly and he found himself increasing his grip—the pencil snapped in two loudly.

Liam glanced up at Nolan who stood in front of his desk with a worried expression.

‘Sorry.’

‘You okay?’ Nolan put a worksheet on Liam’s desk but paused before moving to the next student.

Liam nodded and kept his head down. The past few days had been difficult. He’d successfully pushed every distraction out of his life. Everything that reminded him directly of Theo was gone. Unfortunately that meant Scott, and sneaking out to any shows. He’d managed to keep hanging around Mason and the others for the time being, but it was only a matter of time until they started to ask him what was wrong. Because even though Liam was doing his best to appear normal, he knew that he was acting anything but. So far they’d given him space, but the look on Nolan’s face told him it wasn’t going to last.

Liam scratched down what answers he knew onto the worksheet, then mulled the harder ones over. Thankfully his avoidance of all things Theo and Theo-related had freed up a lot of his time. He spent it studying and focusing on the church, much to his father’s pleasure. He’d aced several tests, and the tight leash around his neck had finally been relaxed as his father turned back to dealing with whatever urgent matter was consuming the inner circle of the church.

As he worked with the short half of his pencil, Liam kept thinking of the way Theo looked when he was singing. The way his eyes always seemed to find him. Hold him. What did it all mean? Nothing. Then why was he so upset when Josh had been there, with him. Like that. Liam chewed his lip. It was because—

No. Theo said they were alike. That wasn’t true. Liam was Liam. He wasn’t anything like the lead singer of Chimera. He never would be. The more Theo occupied his mind the more confused Liam became. Best to turn away from that and focus on the future. Good grades. Graduation. Seminary studies. The path his father had laid out years ago.

Except that didn’t fit anymore either. The buzzer went off and Liam found himself gripping the edge of his desk as the other students got up to head to lunch. He exhaled and let his shoulders relax. What would Theo think if he saw Liam like this? The teen shook his head, anger returning at the unending thoughts of the pink-haired punk.

‘Liam, hang back a second.’ Mr. Hale said as he waved at the last of the other students. He closed the door and leaned on his desk as he looked at Liam.

‘Am I in trouble?’

Mr. Hale pushed his fingers under his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

‘No. I’m just… trying to decide if I should leave something alone or not.’ The teacher grumbled.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Liam, your dad… You’re a good kid. You have a big heart. And I know you go to your father’s church regularly, but Mason and Nolan tell me that you’ve recently become more openminded recently.’

‘Openminded?’ Liam tilted forward in his chair.

‘Mason and Nolan are gay, yeah?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘Is this about how you’re going out with that guy… Stiles?’

The look of surprise on his teachers face made Liam blush and look away.

‘Did your dad tell you that? None of those rumours are remotely true. I—‘

‘Scott told me.’

‘McCall? Scott McCall?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam said.

‘Oh.’

‘And I didn’t just start getting “openminded”.’ Liam crossed his arms.

‘Sorry. Just with your dad and the church I thought—‘

‘I’m not my dad.’ Liam snarled. The anger was there suddenly, far bigger than he’d thought it would be.

‘Sorry.’ Mr. Hale said, but he kept his eyes fixed on Liam’s. Not backing down. The anger swirled and settled—still there but simmering.

‘You keep talking about my dad. Did he do something?’ Liam tried to relax his shoulders.

‘Not directly.’

Liam kept staring at the teacher. There was no way he was going to let it drop. His friends were all he had left after he found out Theo… He needed to protect them. Especially from his father. Sometimes that meant keeping a distance. Sometimes that meant pushing back. And Liam was feeling very much like pushing back right now.

‘Your congregation have been very vocal about their views on LGBTQ people, and while I’m glad you have more empathy and understanding than they do, it’s started to become a problem. For me, personally. Well, for Stiles and me to be exact.’ Mr. Hale set his glasses on the desk. Liam sank the edge of his tooth into the inside of his lip—Stiles and Scott were like brothers. Scott was his friend. The idea that anyone would mess with them made Liam grip the sides of his chair tightly.

‘I guess you’ll hear sooner or later, but among other things your church has made some insinuations that my relationship with Stiles is inappropriate.’

‘Scott said you just started going out.’

‘Yes, but he was a student here once.’

‘Two years ago. And he was never in your class!’ Liam said. Why was he so angry with Mr. Hale? He should be angry with his father. With the entire church. Except they had been there when his mom left. When everything fell apart. Confusion mixed with the flames and Liam felt stuck.

‘It doesn’t matter. To them gay people… well, there’s no love lost there. I’ve told the administration about it, and I’ve been very clear with them from day one. We have nothing to hide.’

‘So why are you telling me?’

‘Liam,’ Mr. Hale sat in the empty desk beside him, ‘You’re too close to this not to get dragged into it. If we’re unlucky things might get hard for us all. You’re going to be caught in some difficult decisions.’

‘That’s it?’ Liam asked. There was too much bite in his tone. He could tell from how Mr. Hale moved away slightly.

‘Liam, is there something bothering you?’

‘No.’ Yes.

‘I know you and Mason are tight. Maybe you should talk to him about it if something is wrong.’ Mr. Hale’s smile was encouraging.

‘I can’t.’ The words escaped before he could catch them. He looked up quickly, but found the same calm, patient expression that Scott would use when they were talking.

‘What?’ The teacher asked after he saw Liam smile slightly.

‘You just reminded me of Scott for a second.’

Mr. Hale nodded.

‘Well maybe you can talk to Scott.’

Liam shook his head.

‘I just…’ Liam licked his lips. It was hard enough to try and understand the feelings that were racing around inside of him all the time, but to put them into words was harder.

‘Everyone thinks I’m a freak. And I kind of am. But with Mason and Nolan and everyone, I feel kinda more ok. Like I can be me. Even though they were sneaking around without me. And I think they’re still doing it, but maybe that’s all just in my head. And then Theo…’ Liam looked down. Why did saying his name out loud hurt so much?

‘Theo… Theo Raeken?’

‘You know him?’ Liam managed.

‘Stiles and Scott do.’ Mr. Hale’s expression changed from relaxed to stern. Worried.

‘Liam, did he do something to you? Hurt you?’

‘No.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Did he do anything inappropriate? Is that why you’re upset?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘He would never do that!’ Liam snarled. He registered the clatter as the desk crashed into the ground. He didn’t even realize he’d flipped it. He was on his feet now, chest heaving.

‘Liam, calm down.’ Mr. Hale was a few feet away, yet somehow he still seemed calm. Unafraid. Not like his dad. Or his mom.

The teacher’s large hand came to rest on Liam’s shoulder. He could feel the warmth of Mr. Hale’s palm through the fabric of his t-shirt. His face wasn’t angry as he looked at Liam. It was worried. Not for his own safety, but for him. For Liam.

The anger drained out of him suddenly and Liam felt restless and hollow, but stiff and unable to move at the same time.

‘I want to hate him so bad but I can’t. I can’t’ Liam’s voice was a torn whisper.

‘I’m sorry if I upset you.’ Mr. Hale guided Liam back to an empty chair.

‘Why would you say those things?’ Liam asked. The chambers of his heart were empty of rage, but now something else was filling him up.

‘It’s not my… Theo has a reputation in your circles. In a few circles.’

That didn’t seem right. Not Theo, who fed the stray cat behind his work secret scraps. Or that got his bike back. Or sang to him like he was the only person in the world.

‘I don’t believe it.’ Liam shook his head.

‘There was an accident when he was younger and he had a difficult time adjusting. He started acting up and treating people badly.’

‘Scott?’ Liam looked up at his teacher.

‘You’ll have to ask him about it yourself.’ Mr. Hale said.

‘Maybe… maybe we are the same.’ Liam looked at the empty palms of his hands.

Mr. Hale shifted in his seat. The air was heavy all of a sudden, and Liam felt the thin edge of tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

‘Liam, do you and Theo—‘

‘I’m not like that.’ The words came as reflex, and fear made him use them as a shield. A weapon. A shelter. 

The look on the man’s face told him that he saw through everything. Saw through it all directly to the hidden parts of his heart that he didn’t even dare look. Liam shook then, ready to be torn apart.

‘Alright.’ Spoken with warmth. Understanding. But understanding of what Liam didn’t know exactly.

‘Alright.’ A second time to cement whatever Mr. Hale was trying to tell him. Something Liam was too tangled up to process.

Liam looked away and wiped his eyes as quickly as possible. His cheeks burned with embarrassment as Mr. Hale picked up the desk and chairs he’d knocked over.

‘Do you want to eat lunch here?’

Liam nodded. He kept his eyes down and pulled out the lunch he’d made the night before. Mason would bug him later about missing lunch, but Liam felt like if he took a step outside of the room the way he was right now, he’d fall apart. And it was all because of Theo Raeken.

###

‘Liam!’ Nolan yelled and waved.

Liam was surprised to find so many people waiting around his bike. Classes had finished and he usually went straight home to do his homework, but today he’d managed to work through all of it in Mr. Hale’s room at lunch. It looked like a small army of teens had gathered, waiting for something. Nolan, Mason, Corey, Kira, Danny, and a boy that Liam didn’t recognize.

‘What’s going on?’ Liam asked.

‘We’re waiting.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘For what?’

‘For you.’ Nolan beamed.

‘But I—‘ Liam stopped when he caught the glare on Mason’s face. He had promised to try not to be so down on himself, but it was hard to tell when those times were without Mason’s scowl or light swat on the arm.

‘Thanks. You didn’t have to.’ Liam smiled as big as he was able to. It was enough to satisfy Nolan who spun around and shoved a strange boy forward.

‘Hi?’ Liam blinked.

‘This is Ethan.’ Nolan announced. ‘He’s Danny’s boyfriend.’

Liam shook Ethan’s hand. Something that seemed strangely formal, but relieved Liam. He knew the protocol when someone wanted to shake hands.

‘One of them.’ Ethan quipped.

‘One of what?’ Liam asked.

‘Oh… boyfriends. One of Danny’s boyfriends.’ Ethan said. Liam blinked and then looked at Danny. The rest of the group seemed to be holding their breath. Liam frowned a bit—it never occurred to him three people could be in a relationship. Or four? More?

‘You’re allowed to have more than one?’ He asked.

‘Only Jackson.’ Ethan smiled. He was clearly amused at the reactions from everyone.

‘So you, Danny, and Jackson are all boyfriends.’ Liam pointed at the newcomer.

‘Yup.’

‘And they both know that.’

‘Yes.’

‘Doesn’t it get…’

‘Annoying? Yeah. Jackson is a bastard and Danny is not-so-secretly a teddybear. I always end up playing peace keeper.’ Ethan sighed.

‘I was gonna ask if it confusing when you wanted to split the bill. But okay.’ Liam nodded. Without meaning to his mind immediately applied the situation to him and Theo and Josh, making him frown. He did not want to be boyfriends with Theo and Josh. Not even remotely. But if it worked for Ethan, Danny, and Jackson, it was cool.

Liam unchained his bike. He glanced over at Mason, who had his fingers entwined with Corey’s. Corey noticed Liam’s gaze and tried to pull away, but Mason held him fast. Liam gave an embarrassed smile before freeing his bike.

‘We’re going bowling.’ Mason said, ‘You should come.’

‘I dunno…’

‘We invited a few other people. People you might like!’ Nolan smiled.

‘Who?’ Liam asked as they headed towards the sidewalk.

‘Scott. Stiles.’ Nolan counted on his fingers, ‘Hayden.’

‘I guess I could go home and change.’

‘No time.’ Kira waved the thought off. ‘I do not want to get stuck in the stupid middle lane.’

‘I got some spare jeans and stuff in the car.’ Mason told him.

‘You in?’ Corey asked, eyes wavering between holding Liam’s gaze and darting away.

He didn’t feel like bowling. He didn’t feel like anything. Liam just wanted to go home and lie on the floor and look at the ceiling. It was so much easier than talking to people, even if they were his friends. He’d scared Mr. Hale earlier and he didn’t want that to happen again.

Except that was a lie. He didn’t scare Mr. Hale. He’d scared himself. Still, that burning anger wasn’t there anymore. At least not in the same way. Mostly he felt tired. Nothing threatening about that at least.

‘Sure.’ Liam said. They all started to walk down the sidewalk to the parking lot.

‘So what are you guys called then?’ Liam asked Danny.

‘Gay?’

Liam looked away.

‘I have never seen someone turn so red so fast.’ Ethan observed.

‘That’s our Liam!’ Nolan beamed in a way that made Liam think he’d gotten into a metric ton of sugar again.

‘I mean… like Mason and Corey are a couple,’ Liam said as the slight awkwardness surfaced and then faded away, ‘so are you guys a triple?’

‘Most people say throuple.’ Kira blew a huge bubble with her chewing gum before biting it out of the air.

‘That sounds weird.’ Nolan said.

‘Triple sounds weird too.’ Danny pointed out.

‘What about a triad?’ Liam said.

‘Isn’t that like the Chinese mafia?’ Corey asked from Mason’s side.

‘Not exactly. But kinda?’

‘I like it.’

‘You can be a triad when you get two boyfriends, Nolan.’ Danny nudged the boy, almost making him topple over.

‘Just one will be fine. For now.’ Nolan smiled.

Liam felt something warm as he walked with them to the car to get a change of clothes, and then on to the bowling alley. Part of him still felt distant, like he wasn’t even there. Another part was buried in a place he couldn’t reach. But he was fine. He would endure and continue. Because there was no other choice.

###

Liam watched his ice cream melt. How did he end up in this situation? Nolan was whipping everyone into a frenzy as they broke into teams at the bowling alley. Worse, everyone seemed to be into it. A few days ago he’d be excited too, but not everything felt pointless. Even the ice cream tasted empty. He was about to ask Mason about Theo when Nolan turned into the life of the party and everyone started to have fun. He’d just ruin things if he said something at this point. Better to go along with it and pretend to have fun with the rest of them.

To make matters complicated Scott and Stiles showed up. Stiles was talking a mile a minute and Scott kept giving Liam hurt looks. Liam felt like it was only a matter of time before someone poked him enough to make him spill everything and he didn’t want that. Especially since he didn’t know what was in him to spill exactly. Things he didn’t want to know or think about. And how would they react when they all clearly hated Theo? Stiles especially. But the rest of them, too. Nolan seemed to be easily shaken up whenever Theo was mentioned. Maybe he’d crossed the boy somehow. Liam didn’t know but it felt like he was sitting on a powder keg and waving sparklers around.

‘Okay if I sit here?’ Scott plunked down on the bench in front of him.

‘You’ll miss your turn.’

‘Liam, you missed your last three turns because you’re busy making ice cream melt with your eyes.’ Scott chuckled.

‘I spoke with Derek.’ Scott’s tone sounded careful. Liam continued to stare at him.

‘Mr. Hale I mean. Derek Hale.’ 

‘Oh.’ Suddenly Liam wasn’t hungry at all. He pushed the ice cream aside to melt in peace.

‘I wanted to see how you were handling all the stuff with the church.’

‘I dunno. I just found out.’

‘Really?’

‘I don’t go around asking my dad every part of his day.’ Liam fumed. ‘Believe it or not I try to stay away from him as much as possible.’

‘Okay. Sorry. I believe you, I just… How much did Derek tell you?’ Scott picked at his fingernail.

‘My dad and the church are saying stuff about him and Stiles.’

‘He didn’t say anything about you?’

‘What about me?’ Liam frowned. He was confused again. He hated it. Nothing made sense anymore, not since he’d snuck out to the punk show with Mason and the rest of them.

‘Your dad mentioned you more than once. How you were uncomfortable in Derek’s class.’

‘I’m uncomfortable everywhere. It’s school.’

‘I mean he said you were uncomfortable because Derek is gay.’

‘That’s not true. He asked a few weeks ago about Mr. Hale and I said he was one of our best teachers. Sometimes the class is confusing but that’s probably just me.’ Liam said.

‘I know it’s not true. I’m just asking if you knew exactly what your dad was saying.’ 

Liam crossed his arms and watched as Nolan rolled a strike. He pumped his fist and worked his team up into a cheer. Ethan gave a fake boo from the other lane, making them all laugh.

‘He told me about Theo.’

‘What?’

‘That something Theo did upset you.’

‘It’s got nothing to do with him. It’s nothing.’ Liam said.

‘Alright.’ Scott leaned back.

‘You’re not gonna keep asking me?’

‘No. Unlike Derek I know you can handle things on your own. But you’re also smart enough to ask for help if you need it.’ Scott said.

‘Yeah.’

‘But Liam, listen. People don’t like Theo much. Even hate him. He can be an asshole, but he’s a lot more than that. I don’t think he’s used to anyone else seeing that.’ Scott said.

‘Why would you tell me that?’

‘If you’re gonna be hanging with him I just thought you should know.’

‘We’re not. Hanging out.’ Liam said.

‘Alright.’ Scott said. ‘But you know we can, right?’

‘Yes.’ Liam mumbled. Suddenly he felt stupid. Embarrassed. He’d been avoiding Scott for nothing. Something he imagined, maybe. He should have known Scott would be like this. Understanding. Kind. Like his mother. 

‘Who’s that?’ Scott watched as someone new joined the bowling gang.

‘Hayden.’ Liam said, watching her get in Ethan’s face after he knocked into Nolan too hard.

‘Liam are you blushing?’ 

‘No.’ Was he? Maybe a little. It was hard to tell lately.

‘Okay. I see.’ Scott raised his eyebrows and broke into a grin.

‘See what?’

‘ “Nothing” apparently.’ He winked and left. Before Liam could begin to sort out what Scott was talking about Hayden was in front of him.

‘Hey!’ She smiled.

‘Hi.’

‘Fun times.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Did you… do any bowling yet?’ She sat down across from him.

‘A little. I suck.’

‘Me too!’ She laughed. Liam smiled.

‘So… I was wondering if you were doing anything this Saturday.’ Hayden mashed her thumb against her palm. It was kind of like she was nervous.

Liam looked up at her face. Eyes darting away. A hesitant smile. She was nervous. Why would she be nervous.

He leaned to the side and looked past Hayden to their friends all looking up from he bowling lanes, totally quiet. Mason gave a huge smile and a big thumbs up. She was nervous because she was asking him out. But he was supposed to ask her out, wasn’t he? Probably not. It probably didn’t even matter, as long as someone was doing the asking.

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you going to answer me?’

‘Oh.’ No one had asked him out before. Well, not really. There was the time with Theo at the restaurant. But that wasn’t a date, was it? No. And he was trying not to think about Theo. Let him live his own life and do whatever it was that made him happy. Be with whoever he wanted to be with. It was fine with Liam. He would live his own life. And Hayden, well, she was nice. And he liked how she smiled at him. What could it hurt?

‘Yeah. I’m free.’ Liam said.

‘Cool. Maybe we can hang out.’ She spoke quickly as if she’d been holding her breath.

‘Like a date, right? You mean hang out like a date.’

‘Yes, Liam. Hang out like a date.’

‘Okay. I just… wanted to make sure.’

Hayden laughed and shook her head.

‘C’mon. I wanna kick your ass in bowling.’ She stood.

‘I think we’re on the same team?’

‘Still gonna kick your ass.’

She took him by the hand and led him down to the lanes. As he passed all his friends they were smiling and making noises. Like they were happy for him. It felt nice, to know that people were happy because he was happy. Except he wasn’t. He wasn’t really anything. Or he was nine different things smashed together.

As they all talked and laughed and stole each other’s food, Liam thought that even if it didn’t make sense it was still something he wanted to hold on to. Even if something inside felt like it was on hold.

###


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big date looms around the corner and Liam's friends try to prepare him as best they can't. Meanwhile Liam struggles with being away from Theo and does something drastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter! All the angst hits high levels in this, so you might wanna have some chocolate or happy things nearby when you read it (or a puppy...or two puppies. It's a ten puppy angst level chapter).
> 
> Sorry for the spelling mistakes... hopefully there are no super bad or silly ones. When it's all done I'll go back through and fix them I swear!
> 
>  And life is a little bit better now so I will start to respond to comments again :D :D :D
> 
> This is the song Theo is singing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LukmATL2giY
> 
> NOTE: There's some violence and self-inflicted harm that comes up, and a mention of blood.

‘No fair.’ Nolan pouted as he watched Danny and Ethan kissing on the bench a few dozen feet away. They were all supposed to be studying at the park, but the books had only been open for a few minutes before they were forgotten. Now Ethan and Danny were making out, Kira was arguing with Mason and Corey, and Scott was on his way over.

Liam glanced over at the couple as they kissed. He didn’t dare look too long—that would be rude. Seeing them kiss made Liam feel uncomfortable. But not in a way that made him want them to stop. A different way that kind of also felt exciting. And embarrassing. And exhilarating. Too many things all at once. So he was trying to keep his head down. At least until Nolan started pouting.

‘No one wants to kiss me.’ Nolan sighed.

‘What about Brett?’

Nolan huffed and buried his head in the grass.

‘That bad, huh?’

‘He’s just busy. That’s all.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘But you want to be kissed now. We get it.’ Kira said.

‘Oh sure, it’s easy to make fun of me when you’re like in total lip lock with Shark Tank.’ Nolan tore apart a blade of grass.

‘Her name is Malia. And we are not lip locked. We just have a good thing going on.’

Nolan rolled his eyes and continued to pout.

‘Besides,’ Kira waved, ‘No one’s kissing Liam right now and he’s not complaining about it. Some how.’

‘That’s different!’

‘Why?’

‘Because he’s Liam.’

Kira turned to him suddenly.

‘Liam, you’ve been kissed before.’ It was more of a statement than a question. A request for confirmation. Liam opened his mouth to answer then closed it fast. Suddenly he was back in the old warehouse surrounded by people dancing. Theo’s voice in the background. Brett looming over him, looking down. Lips twisting into a smile.

‘No.’ Liam said as he looked directly at Nolan, ‘Not for real.’

‘What’s for real?’ Nolan asked with a hint of caution in his voice

‘It has to be with someone who cares about you. Likes you.’ Liam found the words coming out clearly even though he’d spent no time thinking of it. But it felt true. Right. And not just because he didn’t want Brett to be his first kiss.

‘Someone that cares about you must have kissed you before. Non-fam.’ Kira’s smile was a quiet, shining thing in the dark that told Liam she wasn’t going to stop digging. Kira set her phone aside in a rare moment of focus and turned fully to Liam. He blinked as she tapped a single finger on the table. Over. And over. And over.

‘Mason kissed me once.’ Liam blurted out. All eyes snapped to Mason, cuddled against Corey in the grass.

Kira laughed. ‘That has to be a record.’

‘What?’ Liam could feel the sweat running down his neck.

‘That was less than five taps. Even Nolan takes seven or eight.’

‘Oh.’

‘But Mason! Do tell.’ Kira turned to the couple on the grass.

‘We were nine. It was on the cheek.’ Mason said without looking up or moving. He set his book aside and looked up at his friend ‘Totally doesn’t count.’

Kira made a face. Mason laughed.

‘If you tap your finger long enough Liam will tell you he sank the titanic.’ Mason went back to his book.

‘I would not.’ Liam said.

Mason shot him a look.

‘Okay maybe I don’t deal well with pressure.’

‘That doesn’t bode well for tomorrow night then.’ Nolan smirked. Liam grumbled. It was hard when they came from all directions.

‘Hayden, right?’ Kira said. Liam wished she’d get a text or something so she’d stop looking at him. An undistracted Kira was a force of nature.

‘Yes.’ He mumbled.

‘Where’re you taking her?’ Corey asked.

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘The date, doofus!’ Nolan nudged Liam in the ribs.

‘I thought… bowling?’

‘Ugh.’ Danny plunked down beside Liam. Ethan followed but he looked a little upset at the makeup session that had been cut short. Most likely because Danny was listening to all the ways Liam was failing to do life properly.

‘No bowling alleys.’ He said.

‘We could watch a film—‘

‘No movies either! Movies are a third date and onward thing.’ Danny said.

‘What? Why?’ Liam was confused.

‘You can’t do much more than hold hands.’ Danny said.

‘Not true.’ Ethan added with a wicked smile. He winced when Kira swatted him. Liam didn’t get it until Ethan looked back at Danny with that weird way people in love always seemed to be staring at each other (something Liam was noticing more and more now).

‘I’m not doing that!’ Liam protested.

‘Why not? It’s fun. Healthy even!’ Ethan wiggled his eyebrows.

‘Would you stop trying to turn Liam in to a horn dog like you for just five minutes?’ Danny twisted around to look at his boyfriend.

‘Fine. But only for five minutes.’ Ethan said as he stood up. He leaned down and kissed Danny behind the ear before heading to the small food cart near the road.

‘And if you guys think Liam isn’t a horn dog then you all deserve to have your membership cards as teenagers revoked!’ Ethan yelled far too loud for Liam’s comfort. He knew he was blushing. And when they all turned to him to consider it (plus one or two other people in the park) Liam wondered how he didn’t manage to faint from all the blood in his body rushing to his face.

‘I like going to a cafe. For a first date.’ Nolan said.

‘That’s so casual.’ Mason said.

‘It should be romantic! Liam likes her, he should show it.’ Corey chimed in.

‘Dinner then.’ Danny nodded to himself.

‘Where’s best?’ Nolan’s face was drawn into a frown. Probably thinking of all the hot dog places he’d been to decide which was the fanciest.

‘Echo. By the river.’

‘Way too expensive.’

‘What about that new place… Silver Moon or something?’ Nolan offered. Everyone turned to look at him. ‘What?’

‘Nothing. Just surprised it wasn’t a fast food place.’

‘Or a greasy spoon.’

‘Or a taco stand at the end of an alley.’

‘Hey! Those were good tacos.’ Nolan crossed his arms.

‘Yes. At the end of a shady alley sold by a man who only took one dollar bills.’ Danny poked him in the chest.

‘Still good tacos.’

‘Here it is.’ Kira set her phone on the table. “Silver Moon” was a brick building painted black. The sign was a full silver moon with two figures in front of it—a young woman laying a hand on the neck of a wolf laying prone. Sleeping. Or maybe dead.

‘Look at the prices!’

‘Not as bad as Echo.’

‘Still not cheap. Liam isn’t made of money!’

‘We’ll chip in.’ Kira said. ‘All of us.’

‘What? No way.’ Nolan balked.

‘Nolan do you remember that time I came over and you had that banana—‘

‘Look what I found!’ Nolan said far too loudly as he tossed a twenty onto the grass between them all. He shot Kira a glare. Soon they were all tossing money into the pile. Danny grabbed it and counted it up.

‘That should be enough for a nice dinner.’ He smiled at Liam.

‘Liam? You okay?’ Danny asked after catching the look on his face.

‘I’m fine.’ Which was true. He was fine. Everything was fine.

‘If you’re worried about paying us back, I mean… don’t.’ Danny said. Before Nolan could protest Kira mouthed the word “banana” at him, causing his jaw to snap shut.

‘It’s okay. Take it.’ Danny urged. Liam unclenched his teeth. The blood from the inside of his cheek filled the back of his mouth and trickled down his throat as his fingers closed on the pile of bills generously donated by the group. His friends. Friends that care about him. Enough to plan his date out so it would go perfectly. Because that was what was best for him. To be happy. With Hayden.

Why did the thing inside of him feel like it was flapping huge wings then? Filling him up with dark clouds and knowing smirks. Like part of him knew something. Wanted him to fail. For a second Liam thought about walking away and cancelling everything. But he pushed the hesitation and doubt deep down. Squeezed it into a small shadow and let it drop into the dark place inside where it wouldn’t bother him ever again.

‘Thanks.’ He smiled. Everyone smiled. Nolan started to go on about what Liam should wear and soon an argument broke out among the boys.

It was Kira who was still looking at him when he finally noticed. Her usual clever smile was gone, though. Instead there was concern and worry. Liam smiled to make her happy, but the look didn’t stop. She pulled a tissue from her bag. Liam watched as she pressed it to the corner of his mouth. When she drew it back there was a small red spot of blood.

He looked at her in panic. Kira crumpled the tissue into the palm of her hand and scooted over close to him. Leaning against him. Breathing with him in silence as they watched the others argue with Nolan that shorts were not appropriate first-date-nice-restaurant material. Kira didn’t speak for the rest of the hour that sat there, and neither did Liam. She didn’t have to. Everything she’d done spoke louder than any words. Any song. For a split second she’d seen him.

###

Liam paced around in his room. How had everything spiralled so far out of his control? Everyone had gotten together and managed to get an outfit for Liam to wear for his ate with Hayden tomorrow night. A Kira approved outfit—which meant it was cool and casual but not too flashy or overbearing. Something he’d never wear normally, but the amount of thought and energy that went into it was impossible to ignore. And a heavy weight on his shoulders.

Liam paused as he heard footsteps on the bottom floor of the house. The sounds of his dad grabbing the keys and shutting the door were unmistakeable. So far he’d managed to avoid his dad entirely. After talking with Mr. Hale and Scott, Liam didn’t know what to think. The prickly part of him was aimed directly at his father. He knew that for sure. It was only a matter of time until he couldn’t force it down any more. Usually thinking of Theo would—

—pointless. Didn’t matter. It wasn’t even Theo that helped him, really. It was the music. The attitude that came with the punk shows. With the kids and adults that tore down everything that was hurting them and the world around them. That was what he needed. Something to reach deep inside of him and claw out all of the poison and dead parts. Make him hollow at the very least.

Liam was outside before he could think, which surprised him. He paused to doff his button up shirt and shoes in the porch, opting to pull on a pair of old gym shoes and wear his black undershirt. Not quite right but close enough to make him feel like he fit in more. Which was another thought that surprised him. Fit in where? His feet were already pumping the pedals of his bike by then and Liam found that he was snaking around corners and coasting down hills with ease, as if a magnet was pulling him to the old warehouse where the punk shows played.

He didn’t know if Chimera was playing. It didn’t need to be them. It could be anyone. Anything. As long as it was punk. As long as it carved into him and let him release the pressure building up in his blood.

The sky was orange as Liam came around the bend leading to the spot. The concrete building muffled the noise but it was still loud enough to make out a band playing inside. There were one or two people smoking outside next to the bouncer at the door. Whoever was playing was already into their set, and the place would probably be packed. Liam coasted to a stop on his bike before ditching it in the bushes. He hadn’t brought a lock with him, so he covered it with leaves as best he could. He’d have to hope luck was with him, because there was no way he could turn away now that he’d arrived.

As Liam approached the building he saw two girls approach the bouncer and get turned away. Heart thumping like a jack rabbit, Liam made his way up to the large woman. She blew smoke out of the side of her mouth, away from him.

‘We’re at capacity.’

Liam teetered on his heels, ready to turn around. The thing inside stopped when he heard the muffled guitar.

‘I'm pretty small.’ He offered. Her eyes widened, like she was surprised he’d said anything at all. She looked him over as if to verify that yes, he didn’t take up that much space. She made a click sound with her tongue against her teeth.

‘Sorry, kid. Fire department was already here earlier. Lucky we got to keep playing after they made us kick forty or so out.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘I really am sorry. Hey, you can sit with me here and listen if you want.’ She nudged a milk crate on the cement beside her. Liam craned his neck and listened to the music. He was about to walk away when he heard it. A few scratchy words, etched into the sweat and heat of the night. Escaping the concrete building to find him. Theo’s voice. More than that—there was an edge to them. Something that hadn’t been there before.

‘No thanks. But thanks.’ Liam said. She nodded and took another drag off her cigarette.

Liam’s brain raced. There was a side door that he’d seen when he’d gone backstage with Theo. That might be open. He was careful to act like he was going in a different direction, then when the bouncer was talking to someone else, Liam turned and ducked around the corner. No one around the far side of the building. He got to the corner and peeked carefully, in case there was another bouncer waiting by the back.

There was no one.

He made his way to the black door, propped open by the corner of a smashed cinder block. The air inside was humid, like the breath of a giant beast. When Liam opened the door it hit his skin like a blast, almost knocking him over. As the door closed he squeezed his eyes shut—ready to be kicked out. But nothing happened. The hallway was empty. To the left was the area where all the band kept their stuff. That was locked at least. The to the right was a door that led to a few metal steps. Liam opened it and carefully made his way along the metal walkway that was above the band.

The sound of the crowd got louder the closer he got. Theo’s words were clearer, but still hard to understand. Finally, Liam got to the top of the walkway and peered down at them playing in the corner of the warehouse. Theo was wearing his thick leather jacket as he moved around at a fast pace, almost biting the mic as he sang. The rest of the band were equally into it, looks of manic concentration on their faces as they smashed sounds together to make something raw and ragged. Something that made the people ringed around them scream for more. Pale arms flashing in the dim lights, contrasted by dark skin all around. Lips stretched to expose teeth as people yelled and moved with energy Liam could practically feel. It made him eager. Anxious. But beyond that there was something else that called to him on an even deeper level. Theo’s voice.

It was a lie when he said he didn’t need Chimera. When he told himself he didnt need Theo’s voice, that is could be anyone’s voice. Of course it was Theo’s voice. Had to be his. And as Liam listened that’s all there was. He couldn’t make out the lyrics. The words. But he didn’t need to. This was enough.

Parts of Liam that had no name settled. Rested. As if they had been on high alert for days ever since he’d walked Theo home. When had all this happened? When had he changed so much? It was deep down, but still. He was different. He almost felt like he belonged here. There were no expectations for him to live up to. No pressure from the people around him. No thoughts. No words. Just sound and feeling and life.

The song came to a stop and Liam watched Theo grab a beer and gulp it down. When he was done he hefted it in his hand like he was considering something. Suddenly he smashed it against the wall and in one fluid motion arced it across his abdomen in a flash. He tossed the remaining bottle aside as the crowed cheered. Liam felt his heart leap when the singer turned to look at Malia and Brett. Blood was running down Theo’s torso, making his abs slick. Obscuring the tattoos on his skin.

The deep bass began a slow pace. There was less energy this time. The pace was slow. Marching. Forcing people to listen and focus. Suddenly the music came to life—everything in the world crashing together at the same time. Theo snarled as he sang, working the crowd into a frenzy. He wasn’t pacing, he was raging across the small stage. Eyes flashing. Teeth bared. Blood soaking into his jeans as he pointed and gestured and roared.

The words were clearer, even with the last life of Theo’s vocal cords poured into them. They tore through the air and held Liam in a place he didn’t want to be. Theo was in pain. Theo was bleeding. The people around him were cheering—yelling for more. Revelling in his hurt. And he answered with more, and then more, and then more. He was pouring out every ounce of anguish he had inside him, and Liam was helpless. There was nothing he could do but watch. It made his teeth ache as the hidden things in him were drawn to the surface to compliment the pink-haired singer's cries.

Liam gripped the railing as he watched. There was no way he could move until the song was over. No way he could do anything but soak in what Theo was giving willingly to the crowd. To strangers. How could they understand? How could they know what it meant, this cry in the night? Liam felt it. The vibrations of the sound beat into him, past his skin, though the thick of his muscle. Into his bones and the secrets that he kept far away from even himself.

The sound was coming to an end. Theo’s pacing slowed as the vocals twisted and turned into themselves. The rage fell away like dead skin and all that was left was a pleading wail as Theo searched the crowed, looking from face to face as if he was trying to find someone. Each time he looked and didn’t see what he was looking for his voice became more and more desperate, reaching a frenzy until his voice gave out in a strangled squeak to leave the bass and guitar to finish.

Theo turned from the crowd. His arms dropped to his side, and the mic hit the floor a moment later. Pink, sweaty hair was plastered to his head and sticking up in every direction. He tilted his head back suddenly and Liam could see the details of his face. Relief. Pain. Anger. Nothingness. He’d emptied himself out now, just like Liam had wanted to. Was that part of what made them the same? The lyrics of the song caught up with him as he studied Theo’s closed eyes. His lips, partially open. Chest heaving. Sweat glistening. Theo was beautiful.

For a moment Liam thought the singer would open his eyes and see him high above. Perched like a giant bird. Looking down. Casting a shadow. A second passed. Liam found himself willing Theo to look. To see. He opened his mouth. It would be easy to speak. To say something. But he didn’t. Instead Theo dropped his head and pushed back the long strands of his hair before shedding his jacket. Jackson and Isaac were at his side right away—Jackson squeezing Theo’s shoulder and whispering in his ear. Isaac pressing a cloth to the singer’s abdomen.

A lump formed in Liam’s throat. Part of him was touched to see the bandmates taking care of Theo, like they were a small family. Which they were in a way. But another part of him was spiky with anger. He should be there helping Theo. He should be there to support him. Instead he was high above, in exile. Unwanted. Un-needed.

A commotion broke out at the corner of the stage as a tall man grabbed Theo’s leather. Two people nearby held onto him to stop him from running away with it, but he shook them off. Before the band could react the man bolted out the side door, towards the back. The thunder of the man’s feet made Liam look to his side—he could see clear down to the hallway, to the entrance he’d come in. The man ran, pushing outside into the night. Before Liam could blink he was tearing down the metal walkway and outside after him.

###

He was fast, and on a normal day he would probably have easily outrun Liam. But everything inside was bubbling to the top, pushing Liam forward at a pace he could barely register.

The man glanced behind several times, eyes wide with panic as he saw Liam closing in on him. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he caught up—the guy was a foot taller and had a bigger build, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the leather jacket in his hands that didn’t belong to him.

Liam chased the man through the trees of the small park were he’d ended up with Nolan more than a week ago. Along the trails and paths, never losing sight of Theo’s jacket. Finally the man took a chance and slid down a gravel path to the back of a construction site that had recently been prepped for development. As he caught his balance and landed, Liam sped up.

He crashed into the man with his full weight, knocking him over. They rolled together, fists pounding into Liam’s chest and arm. A stray one hitting his ear. He snarled and hit back with uncoordinated strikes—each one carrying the full force of the anger inside. The man kept his arms up to shield his face. Liam laid into his ribs, hitting over and over and over until the man threw his head back in a cry of pain that snapped him out of his rage.

He scrambled off of him then, looking down at the figure on the ground.

‘Are you alright?’ Liam’s voice wavered. The rage sank into his feet, soaking into the fresh-turned earth and disappearing.

‘Fuck…you.’ The man spat. He continued to roll on the ground in pain. It all came crashing down. If he didn’t stop he might have hurt the guy badly. Worse than he already did. But didn’t he deserve it for stealing? Stealing from Theo? Liam looked down at his hands. What had he done?

He wanted to leave. To flee. But he’d come all this way, chasing and hunting for a reason. Liam reached down and scooped up Theo’s jacket. The man watched him with the eyes of a kicked animal. Wary. He backed away slowly before running off into the city streets that touched the edge of the place they’d landed in. Liam was alone now. There was no way he could go back and give Theo his jacket. Not now. Not after everything he’d done.

Liam tucked it under his arm and headed up the slope.

###

He’d been lucky his bike was still there. He rode home in silence. His usual stream of unending thoughts were silent. When he got home there was no car in the driveway. Liam wasn’t even sure it mattered right now. He drifted inside and went to his room, only then realizing he was covered in blood. His first thought caused alarm—that it was Theo’s blood from his jacket, but when he looked the jacket was clean. It was sweaty inside and smelled like Theo, but there was no blood.

Liam felt wetness on his neck. It was his blood. A quick look in the mirror told him it was coming from his ear. With the recognition the burn of pain flowed into his mind, but he was still in a place where it couldn’t fully touch him. But he knew it was there.

A few towels and a quick bandage later took care of the mess, though the cartilage at the top of his ear had snapped and would likely not heal together the right way. he didn’t care. He stared down at the leather jacket resting at the end of his bed. Theo’s jacket. He’d give it back tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. He’d find time. For now he would keep it safe and Theo would be happy to have it back. He didn’t need to know what happened to get it. No one needed to know that, least of all his dad.

The weight of sleep fell on Liam’s shoulders all too suddenly. He meant to put the jacket in his closet. At the back, where no one would see it. Instead he curled up on his bed next to it. After he closed his eyes his fingers found the soft, worn leather and he went to sleep without a word or a thought.

###


End file.
